| Superb. Sublime. Brilliant. Breathtaking. Wonderful. Awesome. Amazing. Ravishing. Splendid. Astonishing. Magnificient. Exquisite. Majestic. Marvellous. All these adjectives would probably be a bit exaggerative of our 3-1 win over Truro on Saturday but to get back to winning ways after 3 weeks without a game I felt on top of the world. It also helped having consumed a vast amount of alcohol in what turned out to be a very enjoyable day. Once again you could copy and paste one of my old blogs from any other home game this season, because as usual the routine was the same old shit. What was different this time? Well I had to come over from Herne Bay in the morning and met Phil Smith en route at Whitstable, and then we moved onto Faversham before getting picked up by Uncle John in his flash new suzuki. It was great to have old Jonny boy with us again as he'd been missing in action since the Eastleigh home game on the seventh. It also meant I could stay out on the piss without having to get a train home in the evening as he gives me lifts to work in the morning. We arrived at Dads house really early, about 9:20AM so that left plenty of time to kill. I think the general etiquette is that arriving in a pub earlier than 11AM for a home game is pretty dangerous. So what better way to kill some time before the storm? What better way to get pumped up for a Dover game than to watch funny clips from Football Factory and Green Street?
"Don't get Lemon Bill, it don't suit you"
"Spell it you cunt"
"C-U-N-T Cunt"
"See, now you have no excuse for not keeping that shit cunt of yours quiet" Timeless classic films, I'm sure some of you will all agree. Not that any type of hooligan behaviour is prevailent amongst the Dover Jollyboys, if anything our 'meet' with away fans is one of a bumfesting love-in, particularly with our visitiors Truro on Saturday. We finally left the house just after 11 with Uncle John and my Dad in tow and made our way to the workies for a swift pint before the Endeavour. We soon regretted it though. There really is something grim about that place and its hard to believe that it was our fans choice of pub for drinking in only as long ago as last season. The beer tastes horrible and its full of the same alcoholic old regulars there. But as a pub, it has everything you could possibly want. Something just doesn't quite tick there, but it does have the right foundations to be something good. The Endeavour does tick though even though it was branded as 'overrated' on the forum. And in here I proceeded to get absaloootely faaacking mullered. So pissed in fact that I can barely remember anything happening. I know that after necking quite a few stellas I had to switch over to one of the poofiest lagers in Coors Light as the beautiful Belgian stuff was hitting me quite hard. We had a fair few Truro fans in here. I don't think I really spoke to any of them at this point apart from one small bearded Scottish fella, whom me and Champ spoke to whenever we were outside having a smoke. He was a good lad. Told us that they were staying in the ramada hotel and it had only taken them about 5 hours to get down here. Normally i'm not bad at remembering small details but I can't remember fuck all of my conversations here, apart from one with a rare appearence from Steven King. They had been looking through old Jollyboy photos during the 7-0 tonking of Whitstable in a friendly on Wednesday. Apparently the most remarkable thing was how skinny I was back then and how much of a fat joke I have turned into since then. Sadly I can't argue with that assertion but even as a young Dover fan I recall used to getting abuse for having man-boobs. Its always been a tough life for me. The place eventually got filled out with Dover supporters and a fair few gallons of beer and burgers must have been sold over the afternoon. I certainly played my part with about 6 pints in there. By the time I walked up to the Centre Spot about 2pm with Fish, Champ and Kai I was already pretty fucking mullered. Sadly Randy Lucey wasn't in attendance so I had to make the long trecherous 10 minute walk up to the home of football instead of poncing a free lift. I had another 2 pints of fosters in the Centre Spot, the second bought my Dad who insisted I have a full pint even though I only requested for a half! I was pretty bloated (yes even more bloated than I normally am - fat cunt zzzzz) by the second pint and really struggled to finish it, as I made my way onto the Dover Port terrace a little worse for wear. I took my usual spot on our very empty and once proud terraces and had to witness an awful opening 15 minutes to the game in which Dover were never really at the races. Truro's early dominance was rewarded when Scott Walker stepped up to send Ruiz the wrong way from the spot after Simpemba was penalised for handling in the area. It looked very soft but he made clear contact with the ball and thus I feel we could have no arguements over it.
This prompted me to text back Kingfield Ender (who had informed me Woking had taken a 1-0 lead over Dartford) that we were now 1-0 down and that "we are fucking shit".
Thankfully I would be eating my words not long afterwards as there was no nothing 'fucking shit' about George Purcell's well-taken equaliser, just under 10 minutes after we had fallen behind. A good move was started by Corcoron, who fed Dixon on the left channel. He found Purcell in the box, whom took one touch before sliding the ball into the bottom right corner. This led to chants from myself to Champ and co, whom had already left to go into the centre spot, of "Did you see that in the bar?" (An old classic) without realising that yes they had, as our games are now screened live on the screens in the Centre Spot. Without Champ it was up to myself and a few others to prove we can create an atmosphere and in spells we managed to, with a lot of "Nicky Forster's black and white army" bellowing out in the first half. Both sides had a clear cut chance each in the remainder of the half but only the mighty Dover were able to convert theres. Former Premiership striker Barry Hayles was giving us a tough time and he managed to slip the ball through to one of his team-mates, but our talismanic and charismatic goalkeeper saved at the feet as always. Our clear cut chance came from the penalty spot. New signing Jemal Johnson crossed the ball into the box and it struck the hand of one of their defenders. It was another really soft penalty, but as the highlights proved he did make contact and there can be few complaints about the decision. Johnson stood up and cooly slotted the penalty into the bottom right corner, to mark his debut with a goal. Funnily enough, due to a mixture of being pretty hammered So we went into the break with a goal lead in what was a half really lacking in quality with the extra difference being our superiority in front of goal with Purcell's well taken finish.
I walked into the Centre Spot to find my Uncle and Father already in there and a beer already waiting for me, which I was greatful for in being able to avoid the queues with our club only deciding to employ two bar staff on matchdays. I think I struggled with this pint too as I had really stuck some away over the course of the day.
The second half arrived with the weather conditions worsening. It meant we would have a right battle on our hands in the second half, protecting a lead against a physical Truro side in scrappy conditions. We had the first real chance of the second half when Purcell latched onto a Tezza Dixon flick on to race through on goal. Sadly he put his shot wide of the post. Purcell's a good player and he works hard, I just wish he was more consistent in front of goal. He tends to fluff his lines on the easy ones but has scored plenty of crackers this season! We could have really done with him to stick that one away because we would spend the second half enduring a lot of Cornish pressure. Barry Hayles was unfortunate to hit the post with a glancing header and Truro were awarded various free-kicks from dangerous positions, as the referee often succombed to their whiney and complaints. Luckily our defence were on song though with Harris and Simpemba being equal to everything in the air.
We looked capable of scoring on the counter attack on occasions and could count ourselves unlucky when James Walker was booked for diving inside the area after we broke into the box. It certainly wasn't a dive. Their player did get the ball but also followed through and took out James too.
The late introductions of Walker, Simmonds and Bricknell to freshen up the attack in place of Dixon, Purcell and Johnson did eventually pay dividends when we killed off any chance of a comeback in the final minute of injury time. I was very nervous in the remaining 20 minutes telling everybody around me that I would be over the moon if we managed to hold out for a win. So imagine my delight when Bricknell finished off a move by turning and coolly slotting home in a goal similar vein to Purcell's in the first half. Cue jubiliation, hugs, happiness and smiles all round as operation get-even-more-hammered went underway in the Centre Spot. I was really, really chuffed and a lot of fist clenching, shouting "fucking get in there" and general over excitement burdened over me. It was really good post-match in the centre spot, better than it has been at any other point this season. A lot of people stayed out to welcome in our heroes and we also comforted the Truro fans who could count themselves fairly unfortunate to head back to Cornwall without a point. About 50 of them made the trip which is a good turnout for most teams in this division, so the least we could do was be hospitable. Mind you, there was a sense of getting justice after being cheated out by an incompetent referee an the uselessness of Ross Kitteridge at their place. Despite their loss most of them seemed to be in high spirits as we engaged in a sing-off with their supporters. There was quite a lot of back and forth between us, with us being on the end of "You're just a bus stop in Calais" that we're very much used to by now. Mind you, our response of "You can stick your cornish pasties up your arse" probably wasn't that much more original! It was a good laugh though. Some of them seemed quite obsessed by out "Bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover" anthem and repeatedly asked us to sing it, often joining in with us. I can't remember many of the names of some of the Truro boys but there was quite a cool story of one them, a young Italian lad who had travelled about 1700 miles from his home in Venice. After his local club he supported in Italy had gone bust, he adopted Truro as his new team, after falling in love with the Cornwall culture. I believe this was his second game that he has seen. Anyway, after much banterous shenanghians in the bar with Truro fans, our players and everyone in high spirits, we decided to commence our post match pub crawl by heading to the Three Cups. The likes of myself, Phil, Doddy, Jared and Fish headed up there while John was already in there after dodging a post match pint in the CS. I had'nt been in the three cups for ages. Theres a bit of an infamous story there a few seasons ago after I headed up there with a girl I had just pulled in the Cricketers. I ended up getting kicked out from there after alledgedly following her into the female toilets and generally being too pissed. Theres a claim that I "tried" fingering her so I would just like to clarify there was not "trying" at all. I DID finger her with MUTUAL CONSENT. END OF STORY TO THOSE CLAIMING I'M SOME RAPIST SEX PEST. Anyway, because of that old chesnut i've never really had any positive views of the pub but with its new ownership under way I really liked it in there. Theres a good selection of real ales and lagers on tap and its got a really good beer garden. I enjoyed it. I think I spent the majority of time here pissing myself laughing at Uncle John, who truely was hammered. He proceeded to tell us a story of how he shagged some girl that my dad had set him up with when he returned from the Falklands war. As if he didn't go into graphic detail enough, he began to make some visual movements. It really was fucking comical. What was also comical was the fact that a right fatso like me had managed to go the entire day without eating a single thing so far. So I was keen to move back towards the endeavour to stop off at Dervitios chip shop. We did eventually move down there in the pissing rain, while Fish pulled down Jared's trousers as we walked. Instead of pulling them straight back up, he just continued to walk with his schlong hanging out. Fair play to him. Dervitos really do some absolutely cracking pies and the steak and kidney number I purchased went down my traphole like the titantic. But it was time for some more beer and we moved onto the OE for some more fun. I can't remember anything of note happening here, other than seeing John who had wandered off without telling anyone in the 3cups. All I remember was it being a lot more quieter than it had been earlier in the day, plus I also drunk some beer on that somebody had spilled on the table through a straw. Shameful. We soon progressed onto the Red Lion near Morrisons as Phil was keen to catch up with the Truro fans who were on their pub crawl. And we managed to find them , engaging in plenty of bumfuckery and mutual love-ins as the evening descended into a sloshfest. It was around this point where I realised I was absolutely mullered. You know when you either stand on your own when you go for a piss or outside a cigerette and you realise that you cannot stand up in a straight line? I had reached that point. We moved onto the Louis Armstrong nearby afterwards and this is where I conceded defeat, the moment that I ordered only a half pint. Thats essentially saying "I am unable to handle the pace". To be honest, I don't like the Louis anyway. Its always dark and dingy in there while the beer prices are very steep. It has a lot of live music in there and did this evening too but its not normally my cup of tea. So after struggling through my massive half pint, we and Jared decided to put a halt to our proceedings and headed next door into the best pizzeria in Dover. I ordered a 12" Indian Feast to devour while he purchased a plain margherita of the same size. The half way through Jared, who was completely smashed, ordered another couple of 10" margheritas and decided to give me one. He seemed completely unaware that he had ordered so much pizza and I ended up bargaining out of it! I gave most of the margherita to my younger brother when I got home and they went down a treat. I'm so rock and roll that I completed the evening with a game of scrabble with my brother and father, of which I was on course to winning before John decided to pick up some of the letters and chuck them at Liam! Anyway, that's another exciting day in the life of myself for a Dover home game. It really was absolutely smashing to have Dover back into action and get back into winning ways. The only downside was most of the teams around us winning except for Dartford, who are out of sight from us anyway. Its going to be a fucking cracking last couple of months to the season. We now have 11 games until the end of March, with 6 of them being away so its going to be a very exciting (and expensive!) finale to the season. Weston away on the final day of the season is getting everybody's juices flowing. There are already 10 of us booked to stay the weekend in Bristol so its going to be carnage! I've also now got the next four Sunday's off work so I can sit back and enjoy the fixtures, without worrying about getting back to Herne Bay We just need to keep winning games and put pressure on the pack. Its going to be a tall order to make the play-offs but i'd like to think we are capable of doing it. Saturday's home fixture with Welling is going to be essential. We really can't afford to lose it otherwise we really will have an uphill struggle on our hands. Fortunately we have a good record against Welling but they seem to be coping well after the departure of Pugh, so we shouldn't take them lightly. It's a big, big game and hopefully we get a decent crowd out to see it after only 751 turned up to see us beat Truro. Anyway, bring it on. Theres going to be a helluva lot of writing for me to do with Dover having such a busy month ahead so hopefully I can keep myself and yourselves entertained with the same repetitive drivel. Ciao for now.
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Tuesday, 21 February 2012
3 Points and 3 Pizzas: Dover 3-1 Truro
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