The Kimchi Chronicles: Forest Green Rovers vs Dover Athletic

Forest Green Rovers 3-1 Dover Athletic

Saturday 14th November 2015

Conference Premier

Attendance: 1,661 (148 away)

Admission: £7 (Under 21)

Cannae be arsed to write a full-scale report on what was undoubtedly one of the most soulless away days in the division.

Positives:

This absolute pearler from Nicholas Deverdics was well worthy of breaking a deadlock in any game, as well as justifying the shriek-like screams on that video.
Stroud, while small, quiet and lacking in options, boasted a fine pub in The Ale House with its 8 cask choices.
A progressive and affordable pricing structure, particularly for younger generations.
As will be the case with any Dover game now I'm away at uni, always a pleasure to catch up with my old knocking partners and family members.
Healthy away following for one of our lesser appealing games.
I won £10 on "Sid's pound sweepstake" for guessing the correct scoreline.

Negatives:

Typical boring lower-league new build. Soulless, bland, made out of meccano. I'm perhaps being a tad unfair, it's ok as some grounds go - with terracing behind either goal you can't complain too much. Just devoid of any character and life. Not a fan.
Again, it's fucking miles out the way of anywhere of civilization. Stroud - the nearest town around 4 miles away - is still a good 25 minute bus ride to reach from the centre. And given how poor the road infrastructure is for coping with the volume of traffic afterwards, it's a nightmare to exit from.
Our second half defensive capitulation. On the whole, I thought we did OK against a side whose budget dwarfs the vast majority of the division. But the manner in which we relinquished our lead was poor and we were the instigators of our own downfall. It was always going to be a case of who would cope best when defending against the violent wind, however, the first and final goals we conceded were totally preventable even when mitigating the unpleasant conditions.
Forest Green's overly-excitable, ADHD-suffering tannoy announcer, with his intentionally irritable Americanized shrieks in an unsuccessful attempt to drum up enthusiastic support across a placid fanbase clearly lacking in any real zest for the club they watch.
I was excited to see what food offerings Forest Green would conjure up given their well-documented policy of only serving vegetarian food. Unfortunately they wouldn't dispel the negative generalizations that surround vegetarian food and the misconceptions held by uncultivated football fans. Their choices consisted of just the standard inferior meat substitutes, rather than anything of real initiative.
Perhaps I'm isolated in thinking so, just being a miserable wanker and my usual cynical self but I found FGR were "too friendly" as a club. I was offended and felt violated when our away attendance was read out to a chorus of hearty, condescending applause. Fuck off! We're here too watch a football game on our own accord to watch the team we love, nobody needs their back patted. We're not forced to go, it's not a hardship. Despise all this "respect" bollocks that football fans churn out just for going to watch ordinary league games. I'd rather have a fistful of coins thrown at my noggin by 15 year old kids in Stone Island.
The misfortune of having to travel home via Cheltenham Spa ensured the horror of sharing public transport with the crowd of horse racing festival goers. That this ancient aristocratic and barbaric "sport" is still even a thing here in 2015 is rather worrying, but the seams of total and utter faux-bourgeoisie knob-heads that go along to such events is startling. Trust me, I'm no angel and twattiodic behaviour in public has often been my hallmark on an away day, however, these tools I had the misfortune of encountering were on another level. Wankers.