Fan Profile [Edition 2] - Kieran Dodd

Hi again chaps. Our latest exciting question & answer session with Dover fans brings us to everybodys favourite darts player, Kieran Dodd. Doddy is sometimes accused of having a lack of charisma and excitement, which is a judgement you can decide if its harsh or not, but either way he love him anyway. He only really burst onto the scene last season but has been a regular for every home and away game since. We all have to start somewhere......

Starting with the basics...

Name? Kieran Dodd

Age? 20

Relationship status? Single

Family/Pets? Mum, step-dad and sister (+ her boyfriend if you include him as family). We used to have a load of pets but now we’ve only got two cats, a dog and quite a lot of fish!

Moving onto what’s important…

You support Dover Athletic. What got you into it? And what were you first home and away games?

I used to be a Liverpool fan as a kid but as I got older, I started to get bored of supporting a ‘big club’ and being an armchair fan, so I wanted to start seeing my local club and see how it would go. I loved every second of being a fan since then and I will never look back.

My first home game was against Ashford from Middlesex in the Ryman Premier League in September 2008. This was my first ever non-league game I’d ever been to so I was already into it when there was two goals in just 3 minutes! Frannie Collin got one of the goals and became an instant hero. The brilliant thing about this game was Ashford won every single game prior to their visit here, but after our entertaining 3-2 win(still seriously think it finished 4-2) over them, I think they ended up on quite a big losing sequence after that!

My first away game was Dartford away in December when we lost 3-1. I felt bitter about the result but it didn’t stop me from getting absolutely rat-arsed!

What is your favourite Dover match of all time?

Beating Tonbridge 3-2 away last season without a doubt. We were on the end of three consecutive home losses to three poor teams so we were all expecting a hammering against an in-form Tonbridge, but a Shane Huke header in the 88th minute sent us all ballistic!

If the answer to the above related to November 6th 2010, what would your second favourite? If it wasn't, then why wasn't it?

Because I never went to the game! I chose a darts open in Dover over the Gillingham game as I was well more into darts at the time so I’m genuinely gutted I made the wrong decision.


And the least favourite?

Losing 4-0 at home to lowly Staines last season. We were on superb form prior to the game and a win would have seen ourselves in a play-off spot as Chelmsford lost that day, but a purely dreadful performance against Staines was catastrophic, considering we had easily beat them on their own turf back in Christmas.

What is the best thing about DAFC and the matchday experience that would invite the ‘floater fans’ to Crabble more often?

I would say the fans, especially on away days, because without them, the match day experience would be completely different. Form is temporary, but match day experience is permanent.

Where do you see Dover Athletic in 5 years time?

I have no idea to be honest, hopefully we’ll be playing in the Conference by then but who knows.

Your favourite ever Dover goal?

Shane Huke’s header v Tonbridge last season. Enough said.

Who is your favourite Dover player of all time?

I would love to say Frannie Collin as he became an instant hero when I went to games during our Ryman Premier League days but I don’t think I went to enough games to fully support my case. So I would have to say Billy Bricknell; scored quite a lot of goals for us last season considering he spent some time out injured and was dynamite in the latter part of the season that almost clinched us a play-off spot. Nice guy too and nearly always responds to me on Twitter, even if he is a fan of Drake.


And your least favourite?

Jemal Johnson; I literally couldn’t believe we had signed him and I was really excited to see what he had to offer. In fact, I was 100% confident he would deliver, but no. Obviously thought he was too good for non-league football and was too lazy when it really mattered. Shame. Can’t believe he reportedly had a trial at Rochdale a few weeks ago.

Your most memorable away day?

Definitely Tonbridge away last season but I think you’re all getting bored of me repeatedly expressing my Tonbridge hype. So I would say Salisbury away; great day out on the piss considering there was only a small amount of us that travelled on the train and the game was quite poor in some respects, but you can’t beat an 86th minute Bricknell winner in a 1-0 victory! Cue manic celebrations and us singing “Bricknell 86! 86! Bricknell 86!” all the way home.

What do you consider the funniest off the pitch an on the pitch DAFC moments?

To be honest, I can’t really think of either! I don’t know whether this is my mind going completely blank or if I can’t physically think of funniest moments! Sorry!

How would you feel about the prospect of Dover moving to a new stadium, consider it will likely be out of town?

I’d feel quite sad about it because I love Crabble and it would be a pain in the arse travelling longer to home games. But if this would be completely beneficial for whatever reason, then I’m completely with the idea of this.

If you change anything about the club, what would it be?

The Centre Spot; although it has slightly improved this season thanks to cheaper lager and Sky television, the place is just such a dull place to be. Why not have dartboards, pool tables, quiz machines, fruit machines etc?

Is Nicky Forster the right man to lead us into the Blue Square Premier?
I think so, whether he will or not, I’m not sure, but he is certainly a decent enough manager who has a lot of contacts and has proven exactly that with some blistering signings like Steven Thomson from St Mirren and Calum Willock from Ebbsfleet United! Ricky Modeste is also proving to be a very good signing too.

And more football related shite....

Are you a vile two club wanker and if so which team is it? If not, who would you follow if you were not a DAFC fan?

Nope, although I used to support Liverpool during my younger days, but not anymore. If I could choose another club to support, it would probably be Charlton Athletic; relatively local for a Football League club and I generally have enjoyed going up there every time!

What's your favourite ever game as a neutral?

Man City 3-2 QPR, without a doubt. Seeing Man City 2-1 down at the 90th minute and then going on to clinch the title at the expense of Man United was just such a beautiful thing to watch.

My favourite game as a neutral that I’ve actually been to certainly has to be Charlton 2-3 Wolves in the 2007/2008 Championship season; it wasn’t a spectacular game for the most part of it but the last 10 minutes involved drama at its very best. Sylvan Ebanks-Blake scored what would be the Championship goal of the season to put Wolves 2-1 up but Charlton equalised in the 90th minute to send the home fans wild, only for Wolves to snatch it right at the end to see the away end go ballistic! Brilliant.

What are your favourite football grounds, both league and non-league that you have visited?

Obviously Wembley Stadium, need I say more about that. It’s just a shame their food is so expensive and unjustifiably crap! My favourite non-league ground other than Crabble would have to be Lewes; it’s so strange but I love it! On two sides of the ground is just grass banks that makes the ground more genuine. You’re also allowed to drink on the terraces, which is a bonus!

What footballers do you currently admire?

This might get a few frowns but I have to say Didier Drogba. Ok, I never used to stand him for being a diving little twat and being over-dramatic, but he recently stopped a war in Ivory Coast I think it was and I believe he also helped pay for some random kid’s cancer treatment. I became quite fond of him in the Champions League final as I was rooting for Chelsea to win. Scored a great header in the dying stages of the game just minutes after Thomas Muller had put Bayern ahead. And scoring the winning penalty was pretty special too.

And who do you consider to be the greatest of your lifetime?
Obviously Lionel Messi, the man is a joke! It’s quite incredible to think he’s already Barcelona’s all-time top goalscorer and he’s only 24/25! I think he also scored about 60 goals last season which is just phenomenal.

All time footballing villain(s)?

Ian Hendon; can’t stand that c***! He took the manager’s post at Dover after Hessenthaler left for Gillingham, only to resign about 15 days later and join Hessy as his assistant, not forgetting he bought some of our staff with him too I think!

Your favourite ever net bulger(s)?

Shane Huke (Tonbridge v DOVER)
Billy Bricknell (Salisbury v DOVER)
Sergio Aguero (MAN CITY v QPR)
Fernando Torres (Barcelona v CHELSEA)
Didier Drogba (Bayern Munich v CHELSEA)

General information…

What do you do for a living?

I'm an accounts assistant at Priority Freight Ltd and have been working there for nearly 3 years while studying at K College in Ashford to become an accountant.

What are your hobbies and interests outside of football?

I love darts and play for a few pub teams in Dover and Deal, although I’m pretty crap! My greatest moment was almost qualifying for the UK Open last year when I lost in the semi-final at Gillingham.

What are your favourite food(s)? And least favourite?

Battered sausages and chips from the chippie, takeaway pizza or beef curry and rice from the Chinese.
I'm also a bit of a weirdo that doesn't enjoy eggs or cheese.

And your favourite and least favourite alcoholic beverages?

I’ve always been a Fosters drinker, but I’ve recently discovered a new love for Peroni, an Italian lager, which my sister brought back from Italy. Shame not many places serve it because it is lovely.
Hurlimans is one drink that is really not on my radar.

How would you rate yourself on attractiveness?

Probably 6/10, not a great looking chap but not exactly ugly either. Pretty average and boring if you ask me.

Any relationship sob stories?

Quite a few, but I’m way too bitter to elaborate on those.

Who would be your ideal man/woman?

Obviously someone good looking and in a decent enough shape but most importantly someone with a great personality.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Too many to mention right here but I’ll just give a random example of my first day at Priority Freight when I was given a tour of the place by my boss and I slammed my head directly onto a garage door after missing the “watch your head” sign!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Same place hopefully, I love my job at the minute and wouldn’t want to swap it with any other job.

Who do you deem to be the worst human being on the planet at this moment in time and why?

Obviously people like Hitler/Bin Laden etc are just vile people but the worst human being right now is a lad under the name of @Rileyy_69 on Twitter who recently tweeted British Olympic diver Tom Daley “you’ve let your Dad down, I hope you know that” after his Dad died of a brain tumour last year, just moments after he lost out on a medal with Pete Waterfield. An extremely insensitive comment as it is but made even worse by the fact it was trolling on a social networking site which I cannot stand for the life of me. I’m sure his Dad would be proud of him to be ranked as one of the most vile human beings along with Liam Stacey who racially abused Fabrice Muamba on Twitter just moments after collapsing on the pitch and being technically dead for 78 minutes.

If you were to host a dinner party, what four dream guests would you invite?

I really don’t have a clue to be honest, so I’m just going to say Steven Gerrard, Noel Edmonds and the Gallagher boys for no reason whatsoever.

You have three bullets left in your AK47. Which celebrities do you choose to dispose of?

Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini. I’ll put a third bullet through whoever survives the first.

Finally, how great do you think Callum's blog is?

Really enjoyable and humorous to read despite a few spelling and grammatical errors there and then! 8/10

Sleeping Beauty : Lewes 2-1 DAFC [PSF]

Saturdays pre-season outing to our Sussex friends Lewes FC, managed by ex Dover supreme  midfielder Simon Wormull, provided another great day out on the piss to prepare ourselves for the new season. This was the friendly that stood out for a few of us and was earmarked for its potential and it didn't disappoint. 

After much discussion on the forum we all opted on catching the 08:44 train from Dover Priory, a wise decision it turned out to be despite sceptics complaining it was too early to be arriving 11AM somewhere for a PSF. In fact I would have preferred and extra hour there in hindsight!

My Sister and Dad decided they were making appearances for the game so I did a reasonable job of convincing Jess to make me and Fish a fried breakfast in the morning. I'm not overly keen on the cafeterias that Dover has to offer [Beanos is shit and Jermaine's has gone massively downhill] so this was the perfect decision. She expertly cooked us pork and apple sausages, egg, beans, bacon, black pudding, mushrooms and potato waffles while I put my fine cookery skills to good use by making some lovely greasy fried bread.

Would not look out of place on masterchef. 

You can see the trembling of excitement in his face.

Certainly turned out to be a magnificient idea from moi, it went down a treat and set the stomach wall up well for the barrage of real ale that my body would have to stomach throughout the day. With this being Lewes, the home of Harveys and a town ideal for bearded CAMRA clique wankers, I decided I'd stay clear of the fizzy lager shit and stick to the so called 'proper stuff'.

Thanks to Dads generosity he gave me a few bottles of ale for the train; titanic iceberg, humdinger and marton's double drop. Which I would be able to enjoy in the company of Russell, Jared, Phil Smith, Neil, Doddy, Ryan Reid, Class A Colin, Chris Collings and Carl Van Der Veen, who had all turned out for the occasion. 13 of us was a reasonable train turnout for a run-of-the-mill friendly when you consider many people are still saving for the proper season/skint/playing cricket/working over-time. But I can't help but think a few missed out by not joining the brilliance of Lewes, particularly when you consider its only a tenner on a train group-save.

It was pretty low-key journey up for most of it. We had to change at Ashford where the trains would go direct to Lewes. That might be alright but you when you have to do so on a two-carriage train throughout the 90 minute journey. This train journey is always fucking rammed but they can only operate this line of two-cart trains. Why? Because some of the tinpot train stations apparently are not big enough for four carriages, which even then would still not be big enough to seat the amount of passengers on there. Which begs the question; why the fuck do they not extend the platforms considering the amount of engineering works they love to have?

Not that I can complain too much - we were all seated on tables and I enjoyed the benefit of some really, really fit girl having to stand right near me. Got to have a good inspection of her arse and according to Russell she was caught smiling at one of my famous quips (which clearly means that she wanted to fuck me too).

It was quite a dragged out journey with barely anything memorable occurring until we were edging closer to Brighton. Ryan Reid - who you may remember from previous blogs for being a 'bit special' (he has ADHD and works @Iceland with Phil) began playing Blur's Parklife pretty loudly from his phone. Then whenever the chorus came up he would start shouting 'Parklife' pretty loudly before chuckling away to himself. One of those things that is quite embarrassing, annoying but overall can't help but find it funny and love him for his mannerisms.

Well prepared, fine choices.

Such a colourful bunch.

Then when we got off of the train he started calling out "we're Dover, we do what we want and we don't give a fuck" while everybody told him to shut the fuck up and keep his noise down, in no uncertain terms. Personally I find his behaviour quite endearing and entertaining - he means no harm - even if he gets very irritating after a while!

We dodged a few of the less appealing pubs near the station and walked into town, finding a pub called the John Harvey Tavern slightly off one of the back-streets. With the sun out, all of us bought a pint of ale - even the younger lager drinkers that are usually avert to it like Doddy. Most of us started on the Olympian golden ale which was very light and refreshing.

But sadly a few dark clouds started to surface after a while and while it remained warm enough, it wasn't the boiling weather that was predicted and hoped for. I decided against changing into my AEK Aethens shorts that I had brought along with me.

I drunk another half pint of that olympian ale before leaving but was more impressed with the more expensive pint of Tom Paine I had supped in between. It wasn't weak at 5.5% but it didn't taste too heavy either, and was full of nice flavour. The only ales I can't stomach are the ones that are too dark/black. 

Doddy sporting the most hideous, tight, chino-short things which he has hopefully disposed of since then.

This poster on the toilet wall was mildly amusing.

After spending long in here than we had anticipated, we wandered off to the next one which was one we had visited last time we were in town; The Gardeners Arms. This is a small, compact cracking little pub that sells a vast selection of ales and ciders. Its a bit rickety but has plenty of character and worth a drink in. My first ale here wasn't particularly up to much though - a Brighton blonde which was a bit pale and tasted a bit nutty, but thankfully the follow up pint of Full Moon Celestial was superb and one of the better pints of the day.

We also bumped into a rarity in here - a Lewes fan proudly sporting his replica shirt. The majority of shirts we saw around the town centre were Brighton & Hove Albion ones, unsurprisingly given the proximity between the two towns. Its a shame Lewes don't garner more support though because they're a cracking non-league club.
Anyway, this bloke seemed a bit weird from what I vaguely remember - but what else do you expect from a non-league supporter?

Photo of the day!

With this Russell mugshot being a close runner up.....

After here we set off to our next pub which we only stopped in briefly which was named the White Hart Hotel. Why did we go in here? Because Phil had seen a programme of some hotels and this particular one featured on the programme. He wanted to get his 5 seconds on fame here with the celebrity landlady, whom apparently came across as a rude. I could be talking complete bollocks here but I think that was the story...

Anyway, we only stopped off for a half of Harveys best bitter here as they didn't have a wide variety of beers; it was a bit more main-stream in here. More of a modern pub with fruit machines, pool table and darts, which was in vast contrast to our previous two.

But time was slightly running out here and I was keen to move onto the Brewers Arms, a pub that had been recommended to me by a Barrow fan (Hi Dave) and my dad had already earmarked it himself. 

And a thoroughly good choice it was too, with the pint of Crown And Glory I sank in there being my pint of the day. I had a pint of something else before it as well but I can't fucking remember the bloody name of it, even after scouring through their website.

Can't remember much about the decor in here though, although I do recall spending quite a lot of time in their bog squeezing out a sizeable log.

As always the time surpassed way too quickly with the annoyance of kick-off approach so we headed off to the brilliantly named Dripping Pan which was right back next to the train station. I didn't even know it was situated so close to it which makes it an even finer away day.

The Dripping Pan is one of my favourite non-league grounds or maybe even my favourite overall. I love it - its so strange and full of character. The ground had been built on big banks of grass and one of the sides it just a bank of grass which has a pavement at the top which you can stand on. The stand you enter the ground from is a bit covered terraced with plenty of room, only problem is that you cannot see the corner flag action on the right because the club bar is situated right next to it and obstructs the view! Then theres an uncovered terrace behind the other goal and on the other side there is a smart seated stand. Its truly a great ground and I'm not fond of many - I'm quite fussy when it comes to football grounds.

My lovely Dad somewhere on the top right amongst all the masses.

A non-league club bar epitomized.

I was stupid enough to not take as many photos as I should have done so I've had to pinch this one off of google.

The best thing about this being a meaningless friendly and not having anything riding it on it? Admission prices being reduced to a fiver. I think I still went in as a student, being the tight cheap-skate bastard that I am. 

Another positive was the ability to be able to drink on the terraces. We heard from that Lewes fan in the pub that drinking had been banned last season because of some wankers from Wealdstone (surprise, surprise - the biggest set of cunts in NL football) caused some  trouble there. But I think they re-instated it this season for the friendlies after popular demand, which meant I could drink more pints of Harveys on the terraces. 

And it was a fucking good job that this was only a friendly because we were fucking awful. Well, for the first twenty minutes we were anyway. Some awful goalkeeping by Lee Hook being miles out of position contributed to their second, doing no favours for anyone calling for him to be our number 1 this season. It was a poorly defended corner that allowed them a free header for the first. Both of these coming within the opening 15 minutes, which might be cause for concern against a weaker side that had played Crystal Palace only the previous evening.

But we picked up after that in the early set-back and enjoyed most of the first half proceedings, with Dean Rance's effort somehow staying out after cannoning off of the inside of the post. Ricky Modeste looks like he'll cause teams a lot of problems this season. Our triallist on the left-wing, some scouser I believe, didn't really contribute much and looked quite nervous. Its probably worth giving him another look though.

It wasn't until half-way through the first half that me (and a few others) realised that Simon Wormull was playing for Lewes. We kept shouting at the touchline for the Dover legend to give us a wave, which was quite embarrassing. We eventually got one in the second half though after he had subbed himself. I think he enjoyed his warm reception from us.

The second half was cool, the sun really came out and the non-obese Dover fans (IE Everyone but not me) got to watch the game with their shirts off, the lucky gits. I managed to drunkenly nick a ball at half-time which had been booted behind the goal. They didn't notice. Neither did I until I woke up in the morning! 

It was a fairly poor turnout from us though - probably only about 40-50 Dover there. I know its a friendly and understandable given how boring they are. This one really was non-exciting even though triallist Jacek Mcpolishsurnamecantbearsedtolookupski crashed in a header to reduce the deficit. Fair play to him - 2 goals in 2 games - looks like he really wants to earn a contract.

 To be honest though I'm not overly convinced yet, he looks a bit like unpolished goods. Looks so uncompromising and awkward at times in an Elliot Charles manner. But he looks a handful nonetheless and could be a very useful addition to the squad. I'd like to see a bit more of him first though. 

Mind you, I gather this is an unpopular opinion amongst the Dover masses so I'm probably talking bollocks.

Anyway, this dull friendly ended at 2-1 and left us wondering if we'd have been better off staying in the pubs. Friendlies are so dull after you've been to the first - people like me just keep going to them out of habit more than anything and then just complain about how dull they are and how we want the real thing to start. With four more to go I'm already at that stage!

So back in the bar after this, killing some time until our 5:44PM train back to sunny Dover. Sadly our good friend Simon Wormull never turned up (or I was too pissed to notice) so I didn't get to have a chat unlike last time. Fish managed to get hold of some of the players food though by telling them that 'he's mates with Lee Hook on facebook and sometimes talks to him on chat" which they saw as a valid enough reason. 

As far as I remember here though I fucked off to the shop by the station, picked up a few cans of oranjeboom and big bag of sensations then setting off on that horrible 2 carriage train back to Ashford. Which as expected, was absolutely fucking rammed. This put me in a bad mood and I hate to wait quite a few stops before more space was available. The last thing I remember here was sitting on a bit where suitcases are normally placed.

Then somehow, I wake up  asleep in the middle of where the doors are and find a picture on facebook that's mocking me [quite unsurprisingly]. I had fallen into my old trick of getting very pissed and then passing out on the way home. Ah well.

......I'll allow you to insert your own caption for this classy moment.

Unfortunately I woke up rather grumpy and ended up in quite a heated verbal argument with Phil after lashing out at Reidy. I'm not sure why exactly, neither do I really care, but I was probably a tad of a cock and should express my apologies if this severely was the case. 

It was quite a bust-up though and for a while they were refusing to go to the Indian House [lovely curry house in Dover] if I was there and had not apologized/stopped being a cock. I eventually did the former, even though it wasn't sincere AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME because I fucking love a good curry and Phil manages to wrangle a banquet out of the owner because he knows him.

And fortunately we got on from here onwards and the petty argument was history (I think). So we all enjoyed a fucking delicious (and cheap) curry to cap off a fine away day (bar the falling asleep and being a cock phase). I went for my patterned Prawn Puri Chat for starter, while having a chilli garlic chicken for my main, a sag paneer for a side dish and Pishwari/Keema as my naan.

And I tell you what, absolutely fantastic. Sag paneer is the one of the nicest side dishes I've ever had and somehow the cheese and spinach combinations comes off fantastically. 

I could barely move at the end of it though, and hit the hay as soon as I finished the 3.7 minute walk to my house.
All that and a big bottler of Bangler only totalling to about £14 each, which given the quality of the food is daylight fucking robbery. One of the waitresses was fit as fuck too, nobody tried drunkenly flirting with her whatsoever.
This curry after an away day lark is quite a tradition for Phil & Co, I've not been able to join in until now though because of money/going to Herne Bay afterwards. But I hope to make it a regular occurrence.

Overall this was a fantastic day out and one that will be hard to emulate in the coming season in terms of pubs and drinking. Lewes really is one of my favourite towns - its got such a good mixture of modern and old school in the town centre and there is a lot of nice scenery to boot. The ground is one of my favourites and everything is close proximity. If there's such thing as a perfect ideal away day then this is it. I think I even prefer it to St Albans in all honesty.

The only real let down is the fucking 2 carriage trains which I'm sure I'll be back to moan about when we visit Eastbourne in between Boxing Day and NYD.

Once again, thanks for being a great audience and reading/skipping through this amount of tedium. I doubt I'll write any blogs on any remaining PSF's - the only away game left is Ebbsfleet and it is doubtful that I will bother with it given the expected trauma that will be occurring at Ebbsfleet International. Great to book an away game there in the middle of the fucking olympics - NOT! [mind you, no other Dovorians seems to be planning on going there anyway so if I go I'll be on my lonesome].

I'll be back on here before the season starts though. If any of you self-absorbed Dover fans out there fancy filling out one of those fan profile questionnaires then fill yer boots. But I'm looking forward to writing my big meaty season preview which will no doubt be clogged with inane cliched ill-researched bollocks! See you then.

Fan Profile [Edition 1] - Alex Wilshaw

Hi chaps. I thought I'd start a new boring feature where I ask random Dover fans questions to give them their 5 seconds in the spotlight you some really insightful, informative and entertaining information.

This week I start with Alex Wilshaw, the disgusting Dover/Leeds 2CW and possesor of an alien style head. You Dover fans may know him as Beefhead and he can be found on twitter at @Alex_Wilshaw. 

Starting with the basics...

Name? Alex Wilshaw


Age? 19

Relationship status? In a relationship with Camilla Harvey. A fellow Dover fan. I have to admit it's pretty damn good having a girlfriend who enjoys watching football.


Family/Pets? I have a dad who is the ultimate wind-up merchant. I have a mum who can't stop nagging although she is a great cook. I have a sister who is turning into one of these scene/hipster kids who probably believes in this illuminati bullshit which is fed to us on social networking sites on a daily basis. I have a goldfish who is useless, but a greedy fucker who thrives on plastic fish food. A bit like Martyn McGarrigle,


Moving onto what’s important…

You support Dover Athletic. What got you into it? And what were you first home and away games?

Do the games watching as a 6 year old count? If they do, then my first game was watching Dover play Hayes in the 1998/99 season. I think we lost 1-0 and I kept calling the ref a time waster for the whole game. I should think my first proper home game was against Lymington & New Milton in the 2005/06 season. We won 5-1 with Walid Matata scoring a beauty and that overrated piece of dogshit, Carl Rook scoring twice. My first away game was Hythe Town in an FA Cup encounter in the 2007/08 season. We embarrassingly lost 2-1 and we were outplayed for much of the game. That happened to be on my birthday weekend too. Gutted. I suppose what got me into supporting Dover was that 5-1 in over Lymington. I found the atmosphere from the Jolly Boys to be entertaining and made average, dire football worth watching. I think getting into the play-offs a few times plus back to back promotions under Andy Hessenbackstabber led me to become more fanatical over Dover. No matter what happens with the club in the future, I will continue to support them. 

What is your favourite Dover match of all time?

It's plain obvious that the win over Gillingh*m in the FA Cup two years with Adam Birchall scoring a screamer has to be my favourite. Getting one over Hess and Hendon who had stabbed us in the back in the close season made it extra sweet. It felt good to send the spasticated, jumped up Gills fans crying. I had hated Gills previous to the Hess/Hendon saga so this felt extra sweet.

If the answer to the above related to November 6th 2010, what would your second favourite? If it wasn't, then why wasn't it?

My second favourite will probably have to be when we beat Tooting & Mitcham in the Ryman South title decider of 2007/08. It was my first away day with Dover outside of Kent and was good to see so many people turn out for the occasion. (Obviously helped by JP's generous offer of free coach travel) I think this was the most nervous I have ever felt during a game and had not celebrated a goal like that after Craig Cloke's header. The game gave me an indication that Dover's fortunes were finally on the up after years or struggle and turmoil. I think this game should be looked upon as a turning point in Dover Athletic's short history.


And the least favourite?

My least favourite will have to be losing to Dartford towards the end of the 2010/11 campaign. It was a sunny, hot day and everyone was confident before the game with the play-offs in sight. Little did we know that Dover went on to produce the most gutless and heartbreaking performance. Not only was it a humiliating 4-0 defeat at the hands at Dartford, but it exposed a manager who was clueless, unprofessional and fell out with the players. The chairman should have sacked him there and then, but amazingly kept him on because of the cup run. 

What is the best thing  about DAFC and the matchday experience that would invite the ‘floater fans’ to Crabble more often?

There is a great sense of community that surrounds Crabble. We are all excepting of each other no matter how weird or what problems we all have. We do have some idiot(s) (Martyn McGarrigle) in our ranks, but they mean no harm. I don't want people to see some fans as intimidating as it would be great to get Crabble rocking on a more regular basis as the atmosphere was a tad shoddy last season. Given Dover has its passionate people and many football fans, it would be good if they joined in and sing. The Jolly Boys aren't that scary.

Where do you see Dover Athletic in 5 years time?

I think Dover will be sitting comfortably in mid-table of the Conference Premier, hopefully playing Gillingham who seem to falling apart at the moment. We might have a new ground by then, but who knows where that may lead. I think there might be more inclusions from the academy squad in the future as there are some very talented players in the area. 

Your favourite ever Dover goal?

The obvious choice is Birchall's screamer vs Gillingham, but I'll probably have to say Byron Walker vs Godalming in 2006/07 season. With Danny Chapman sent off after a racist outburst, held to a 1-1 draw by a pub team in the pouring rain and with not long left to go, Dover looked down and out with their play-off dreams in tatters. Then Byron Walker out of nowhere improvises with a overhead bicycle kick scissor kick volley which is smashed into the onion bag. The River End went mental.

Who is your favourite Dover player of all time?

Craig Cloke. One of the LOCAL LADZ. He had PASHUN, COMMITMUNT and had PRIDE when he wore the shirt. He was a very handy player to have too who could play in defence and midfield. Scored some vital goals and was the fans favourite for years. It would be great to see another Craig Cloke come out of the Academy system or from outside. I love seeing players giving 100% in every game and he was one of them.

And your least favourite?

Jemal Johnson. One of the most greedy, lazy and egotistical players to ever grace the hallowed turf of Crabble. Given his pedigree, most of us thought he would rip the opposition to shreds, but no. He didn't give a fuck about the team and only thought of himself. His attitude stinked and NF finally realised after taking him off vs Sutton last season after only half an hour because he was such an egomaniac. I hope a player similar to him never plays for us in the future. 

Your most memorable away day?

Tonbridge last season. Getting so pissed up, causing havoc in the town centre by getting banned from two pubs (for pretty shit reasons may I add) and causing mayhem in the ground. Several were kicked out of the clubhouse whilst I was standing with some directors in some bar. Nicking a win in what was an entertaining game was also good. Shane Huke had been slated before the game but thumped home the winner. It was one of Mark Winter's favourite ever Dover away games, so it must have been good. Getting one over them sly, arrogant, shit-stirring bastards that are Tonbridge made it even sweeter. They can rot in hell for all I care. 

What do you consider the funniest off the pitch an on the pitch DAFC moments? 

Martyn McGarrigle and the train at Waterloo. The train had stopped and Martyn had picked the wrong carriage. So he though he'd be clever and hop off the train and meet us in the carriage at the end where there was more space. To much laugher, the train pulled away and Martyn scurried and scrambled to try and get back on the train to no avail. It served him right that day after being a pro-IRA scummer all day on St. Patrick's Day. He came back to India House and found out he paid 36 quid to get back to Dover from Waterloo as the original ticket he had was invalid! Funniest on the pitch moment will have to Lee Venamore dancing around the goal when Dover were awarded an indirect free kick. The man does not have a clue which was summed up when he was dancing around the goal!

How would you feel about the prospect of Dover moving to a new stadium, consider it will likely be out of town?

It would be brilliant if Dover had a new ground. It would give us a new infrastructure to work from, a ground easier to maintain and that gate receipts and crowds would increase. Hopefully a bus shuttle service would be in order to get people from the town centre to Whitfield/Farthingloe. If this wasn't put on, money made from the bar would be low. I would miss Crabble given there has been so many great moments there. It would be sad to see a great non-league ground turned into housing. I hope with the new stadium that the atmosphere does not get sucked out.

If you change anything about the club, what would it be?

Arab billionaire to run us, Jose Mourinho in charge, Ronaldo on one side and Messi on the other with Rooney in the middle? Realistically, I'd like to see the Centre Spot to be more fan friendly with pictures on walls, the introduction of a quiz machine/fruitys etc. I'd like some of the pillars that hold up the River End to be removed as it restricts many peoples views and does not justify paying 12 quid to get into Crabble. 

Is Nicky Forster the right man to lead us into the Blue Square Premier?

I think so. He has signed proven BSS players and there is a mix of youth and experience in the squad. He improved a squad that was not his last season and he does seem far more professional than Martin Hayes ever was. He really wants the best for Dover and I really want him to do well as he is a genuinely nice bloke unlike the last manager we had...

And more football related shite....

Are you a vile two club wanker and if so which team is it? If not, who would you follow if you were not a DAFC fan?

I am one of those vile people. I'm a Leeds fan and on average, watch them 10 times a season. I watch Dover more as it is much more affordable. Given the choice of who I support over the other, it would have to be... D.. L.. nah, I won't say it. The only way you'll find out is if you pay me 50 quid to find out or if Dover and Leeds ever play each other in a cup game.

What's your favourite ever game as a neutral?

Man City 3-2 QPR. The last minute goal from Sergio Aguero to win the league has to be the most breathtaking moment I've witnessed given the circumstances surrounding the game too. Stealing the crown from Man Utd was a delight to watch and was great to see proper, passionate Man City fans finally getting some success. I hope they dominate for years to come, just so Man Utd cannot get anywhere near the PL title. 

What are your favourite football grounds, both league and non-league that you have visited?

I'm a big fan of Peterborough's London Road. It's terraced, old school and can produce a top atmosphere. I like The New Den. I hate Millwall, but you can't beat the atmosphere. One of few plastic grounds made intimidating. The Bucks Head at Telford is a good non-league ground. Big stands, great setup and the fans really do admire their team. Young and old sing together. A really good community spirit produced there, given Telford is quite a deprived town. I'm fond of Maidenhead's ground. It's got some character plus you can drink on the terraces. 

What footballers do you currently admire?

Fabrice Muamba. It's such a pleasing sight to see him alive when he was dead for 78 minutes. Comes across as a very nice bloke. I'd love it if he could play football again. Andrea Pirlo is a great player for his age, carrying Italy to the Euro 2012 final. Xavi is one of the best midfielders I've ever seen. And that Messi fella is alright I guess.

And who do you consider to be the greatest of your lifetime?

Zinedine Zidane. He had everything. Could pass, shoot and tackle. The skill he had was ridiculous and was one of the nice guys in football. He rightfully headbutted Materazzi who had insulted his mother. He scored crucial goals such as the goals in the 1998 and 2006 World Cup plus the volley vs Bayer Leverkusen in the Champions League final of 2002.

All time footballing villain(s)?

Wayne Rooney. Absolutely brilliant for Man Utd. Shit for England. A granny shagger, a liar and a cheat towards Colleen. Constantly harassing the ref and getting paid a stupid amount of money after threatening to leave Man Yernited. Twat. Other villians include Roy Keane, Alan Smith, Cristiano Ronaldo, Danny Chapman, the #cuntref at the recent Eastbourne away game and Maradona. 

Your favourite ever net bulger(s)?

Maxi Rodriguez vs Mexico WC 2006

Paul Gascoigne vs Scotland Euro 96

Carlos Alberto vs Italy WC 1970

Any Matt Le Tissier goal

Jon Wallis vs Walton & Hersham 07/08

General information…

What do you do for a living?

I'm a tax dodging student studying at the Uni of Kent. Vurrently doing a History degree which I emjoy doing. I have no aim in life, which is why I'm doing this degree. Outside uni, I'm working down the Cruise Terminal handling luggage and stores. I really do get a thirll out of helping old people who can't pick up their heavy luggage...

What are your hobbies and interests outside of football?

I love cricket. Play for Shepherdswell CC who are just a mediocre village side. I love to tweet and blog plus having many outings to the pub to help with my alcoholism.

What are your favourite food(s)? And least favourite?

White chocolate. I could eat it all day. I love any curry and love chip shop chips. Least favourite will have to be cheese or cauliflower. The smell, taste and texture of these foods are foul.

And your favourite and least favourite alcoholic beverages?

My favourite has to be a pint of Kronenbourg 1664. Got a very rich taste and has a kick to it which pissy lagers such as Fosters and Carling don't have. I can't stand tequila. Not only does it give me a headache, but is disgusting. Vodka is something I don't agree with ever. In fact, any shot pisses me off. 

How would you rate yourself on attractiveness?

6. I'm nothing special. A bit plain if you ask me, but nothing like the ugly retards you get off the Jeremy Kyle Show. 

Any relationship sob stories?

Believe it or not, none at all.

Who would be your ideal man/woman?

Princess Diana - the woman had a heart of gold and certainly wasn't ugly. Maybe a bit old for me, mind!

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Farting in a job interview was highly embarrassing. Somehow, I managed to get that job down the Cruise Terminal. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In a dead end job in an office working 9 till 5 every weekday seeing as I have no aim in life and there are not many exciting jobs knocking around in this country.

Who do you deem to be the worst human being on the planet at this moment in time and why?

Bashar al-Assad, the Syrian President. The atrocities in Syria are taking the piss now and the genocide in that country is terrible. The falling out with China and Russia over the Syria situation is dangerous.

If you were to host a dinner party, what four dream guests would you invite? 

Karl Pilkington. He's hilarious and you'd need someone to talk inane bollocks at a dinner table.

Lee Mack. See above.

Mario Balotelli. You need someone to let off fireworks off a dinner table at some point.

Justin Bieber. So we can all poke our forks into his eyes. 

You have three bullets left in your AK47. Which celebrities do you choose to dispose of?

I'd place all three bullets through Jeremy Clarkson's head. Ignorant, arrogent, fuel junky whose Tory views make me sick. He makes Top Gear shit. 

Finally, how great do you think Callum's blog is?

It's funny and informative, but the spelling and grammatical errors are annoying. 8/10

So What I Was Smashed? Big Deal... : Deal Town 1-6 DAFC [PSF]

I've had my fair share of embarrassing drunken moments as a Dover fan down the years. There was the eye-watering experience of Newport (Isle of Wight) away as a 14 year old where I apparently nearly went overboard on our boat, amongst plenty of other things. There were plenty of times under-age boozing in our Ryman League seasons where I would  inevitably make a tit of myself with too many to mention right here. Then there was the small matter of me once managing to lock myself into the disabled toilet in our club bar after a home game, leading to the club chairman having to find an emergency key to let me out.

But Saturday's first pre-season outing to nearby neighbours Deal Town has possibly provided a new contender for the prestigious award of 'The Drunkest I Have Ever Been At A Football Match'. So sadly, as much as I would love to bore you all to death with a lengthy piece about this epic day out the honest truth is that I am unable to. I genuinely can remember fuck all from the day so trying to recite it all would be as pointless as trying to find Lord Lucan.

This fixture was never going to just be a few quiet shandy's for us Jollyboys and Girls. Despite only being about 15 miles down the coast, we've not had the pleasure of meeting Deal in a first team match for about a decade, despite relatively good relations between the two clubs and towns. They ply their trade at County Level (Kent League - Step 5 in the non-league pyramid) but this was not a new ground for me, sadly. I had already visited it back in the days when I used to watch our reserves play whenever we were away. That particularly day we lost 3-2 to Barnet in the FA Trophy - a result that would later be overthrown when they were discovered to have fielded an illegible player.

The main question on the lips of us biggest Dovorian piss-heads was "Will this be as messy as Faversham in the past two seasons?". A perfectly fine question, given it has been our opening friendly the past 2 years and has provided some very memorable off-the-pitch moments. Last years drink-a-thon being capped off with us getting barred from nearly every pub in the town because for some reason the landlady from the Railway Hotel took offence to Leigh Pidds chasing her around her beer garden with a hosepipe. And as Fish kept being eager to point out "two years ago you finger x person outside co-op car-park". I will be in touch with my lawyer soon to figure out how to answer these allegations.

So Deal was a new drinking town for me. I hadn't been there since I was a kid doing whatever leisure activities there are to do in Deal but I had heard it was a pleasant but expensive place to drink. That assertion would turn out to be entirely accurate.

So what I can I recall from our day out at Deal? Well, meeting up for a 10AM opening time drink at The Priory Hotel wasn't the best idea. After months out without football I found myself drinking at an eager pace than I was anticipating. Before our 11:02 I managed to neck two and a half pints of Stella that I had purchased (yes I do purchase halves when there is little time remaining - and what?) but then I also downed over a pints worth of beer left by Doddy and his mate Jezbitt that he brought along to the game, meaning I was already half-way toward drunkdom before even leaving Dover!

Our first pub in Deal was one just outside the station called The Hole In The Roof. I have no idea if they have one but the stinging bastards certainly left a hole in my wallet. Despite not intending on drinking ales I ended up choosing an Adnams Ghost Ship which still cost 3 and a half quid. Most of the lager drinkers were set back around the £4 mark.
It t'was a nice enough pub but didn't have much about it so I was keen to only stop for the one.

Next up was The King's Head, a well known haunt for Dover fan Andy Stevens who was enjoying having a game in his own manor. I'd hear this place was notoriously expensive but I was fairly cool at having at paying £3.50 for pints of Budweiser, which is much more than just 'a shitty American beer'. Its actually pretty decent on draught and far better than the fosters/carling/carlsberg shite.
Looked a decent pub but I spent the majority of it outside on the beer tables, sitting facing the beach and their crumbling pier, whilst chatting inane shite to most of the DAFC family.

Our third and final boozer was actually CAMRA's pub of the year, known as The Green Berry. What with it being a CAMRA haunt I decided to revert back to the ales and as far as I can remember, I was drinking Harveys. This is where my memory of the day has gone really AWOL and I can remember only odd flashbacks from here onwards.
Again, it was a nice pub but pretty pricey as well. But was this really the best that the UK has to offer? Definitely not and it just goes to show what a strange organization CAMRA is and generally filled with cliquey bearded old wankers. It had a decent selection of ales on draught and quite a pleasant beer garden, but really not that special enough to warrant such a title. It nowhere has as much draught and bottled variety as The Ship And Mitre in Liverpool does and I could name plenty of pubs with better décor and atmosphere. Nothing against the pub - it was a good pub - but you do have to wonder how they can come to such a conclusion.

I would love to tell you about the game and the aftermath but my memory here is so hazy that I'm a bit concerned about what might or might not have happened at the game. I've heard vicious rumours that I was a bit over the top in my abuse towards their goalkeeper but I'm sure I'll hear an elaboration of that on Saturday.
All I can remember from the entire game was:

1) A beer tent behind the goal which I kept buying drinks from
2) Vaguely remember Forster starting the game and scoring a goal
3) Calum Willock scoring late on
4) A horrendous flash-back of being pissed-up and singing at the terrace behind the goal. I think I had my shirt off at times which is not only an horrific sight for everybody else, but an horrific sight for me in the mirror every day. Why, o why does this happen when I am drunk? "Shirts off if you love Dover" is a song that needs to be banned.

After the game I truthfully paid no attention the game or result and I only discovered we had won 6-1 when I checked my facebook at home. But I must not have been the only hammered one because Fish thought we had drew 1-1!

So I managed to miss seeing all our new signings, our new kits and who from the academy or triallists were playing for us. Instead I have a few cringe-worthy flashbacks of me being an absolute mess. I'm hoping that when we play Brighton on Saturday that no horror stories will emerge from other people at the game but I'm not holding out much hope. I'm just praying that everybody else was as drunk as me and we can put the game behind us.

According to my Mum I was snoring on the sofa by half 8 after rolling in with a massive Chinese. I remember making plans to go out with Russell and stay at his house but it turns out that I seemingly knew my limits and made my way home, amazingly not falling asleep on the train. After the game I can vaguely remember being in some pub beer garden but that's about it. Apparently I responded aggressively to my sister's question of "Must of been a good game today then" with "How the fuck would I know?". But that was the God's honest truth!

So thoughts on the day overall? Well, I would love to say it was great to be back but I have no idea who I saw at the game and I have no idea what our new-look side looks like. I have no real memories so the day must have been a failure. I'm not one of these people that subscribes to the "If you can't remember it it must have been a bloody good night" view. If you can't remember it then it means you have over-done it, not known your own limits and have made a tit of yourself in the process. And I've not felt like that after a game for at least a few years now, so I will make sure that when we play Lewes in a fortnight I will enjoy the day by drinking at a more moderate pace. After all, drinking 12 pints and 3 cans before kick-off is never a sensible idea.

But on the positive side it means I'm now looking to a far more sober home game v Brighton on Saturday and catching up on what I should have viewed on Saturday. I should also be able to collect my new Dover shirt, so it will be good times all round. I can re-introduce myself to my DAFC friends again because as far as I'm concerned I didn't see anyone at Deal.
And of the other up points was that I didn't smoke a single cigarette, meaning that I've cut the habit for about 2 months now. Well, I don't think I did anyway. I hope I didn't. If I managed to survive not having one on being that intoxicated then I think I have fully passed. Many thought I would succumb as soon as the season began. Good to see people in faith in me!

So sorry for the lack of decent bloggage here but I should make it up to you with the trip to Lewes, a day out I am very much looking forward to. As for plans over my blog I will probably just do a write-up for the away days in terms of pre-season along with another big pre-season preview. As for the proper season I will probably try to write as many as possible, but might not bother with some of the home games if I cannot be arsed.
You may notice a few changes to the blog including a new cover photo, this is mainly due to me being sick of the piss-taking of my half and half Huddersfield scarf along with being confused with Jason Mcbloodyfarlane by some people. I'm also now using google chrome so there should be far less spelling mistakes (Hi Dad) although I still can't be bothered to check over my typos. I was going to do a design overhaul but then I decided if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Is that right? Or does it need spicing up?

Either way, I'll leave you with a few photos I managed to take before my inability to even walk properly kicked in.

Fishy looks horrified.

"Don't fancy yours much"

Since being taken over as 'the man' on the terraces, Champ has shown a lot of animosity towards the Sheriff and constantly tried undermining my position on Saturday.

Don't think Jared would have found it that funny if he'd known what a horrific mug-shot this would be.

Scotty was in fine form and did his utmost to upset the locals.

As you can see by the Elton John style specs in the background, Saturday saw the return of 'Class A' Colin Murphy for the first time in about 9 months.

Camallex looking as radiant as ever.

Doddy looking cheesier than a babybel.

Class A and Russell, the latter wearing a retro Dover shirt to disguise the fact he's only been supporting us since 2010

Michael Stipe and Gordon Ramsay were special guests.

Even not so Beautiful Boy dodged the cricket to join the party.

I do recall the bloke in the Vancouver Whitecaps shirt. I think he was Mark Winter's friend, a Dover exile now living in the Maple leaf land. Think we had a good chat about American soccer.