But enough about that. The division is still the same; brimmed with dog-shit, worthless, non-league clubs who will be competing over the wooden spoon prize of football. And with the new season upon us unfortunately comes my annual season preview; crammed with your stereotypical clichés that come from your average amateur football blogger, unfunny anecdotes, ill-informed information and a pretence that I actually know anything about the majority of the clubs in the division, or indeed even give a flying one about them.
So on that note, I'll kick off this preview by attempting to analyse the football team that I support, and am unfortunately about to embark on a 10th successive season ticket with, in the faint hope that they'll finally be about to drag their carcass out of this shit, tinpot division. But following yet another summer of major upheaval, that looks set to be yet another pipeline dream, as the league's highest average attending club see even more tinpotter, worthless clubs steam ahead of them........
Dover Athletic
Where the fuck do I even begin here?
Following Nicky Forster's deserved sacking all the way back in January, club legend Chris Kinnear, who had so successfully managed the club from 1985-1995, returned to steady the ship and instantly made a huge impact. Out of his remaining 17 games, he did a superb job to oversee us as beaten play-off finalists in Extra Time with only ten men, following a sequence of 10 wins and only 1 defeat in those remaining league fixtures. The sort of form we enjoyed following Kinnear's return brought an output of a points-per-game ratio that would have seen us undoubtedly challenge for the title if he had been with the same squad from the very beginning of the season. So it would have been natural to expect a strong challenge for the title in 2013/14, with only 3 or 4 tweaks required to the squad in order to see us at the top on a consistent basis.
So it would be typical of DAFC then, to see a major upheaval since the post-season began in which no few than fourteen (14!) first team players have left the club, including our first choice central defensive and midfield pairings, plus our number one striker partnership. Some of the departures were just a case of not offering deadwood/fringe players new deals (Steven Thomson, Calum Willock, Tom Axford, Terry Dixon, Danny Webb and Harry Ottaway). Amongst them are some decent players at this level but definitely cleared room for improvement and funds, so there were no real qualms about any of those leaving the club.
One surprising departure to many was the exit of popular man-mountain captain Ian Simpemba, who moved onto pastured new at Eastbourne Borough, nearer to his home, amid rumours about a falling out with the club's hierarchy. A less surprising outgoing though was unfortunately his defensive partner Tyrone Sterling, who had been an absolute revelation since Kinnear signed him for his first game in charge. The classy defender has decided to have a crack at Conference Premier football with our former rivals Dartford, so I can't blame him too much for having ambition to playing a higher level of football. He could prove to be the biggest loss out of the squad though, in my opinion.
But the fundamental reason for such a player turnaround at Crabble this summer is down to another North Kent club. Following 6 years riding the wave of success under their MYFC owners, Ebbsfleet United's owner were hounded out following relegation from the Conference. And in their place came some dodgy Kuwaiti owners, previously rejected by other clubs at this level including Eastbourne Borough, for their suspicious motives including use the land near the ground to build a theme park. They then shafted their creditors over, paying only a paltry 10p in the pound, before completely taking the piss by announcing their plans to have a £100k transfer budget and a weekly £8k wage bill for the season. Supporting a club with Dover's financial history means that I can't play the moral high ground too much, but it's examples like these that makes you not wonder why modern football is so fucked. Their fans have bended over and taken it deep for their new owners, while not having the slightest of doubts over what some Random Kuwaitis would want to do with a failing non-league club, so it just goes to show that most football fans deserve everything bad that happens to their club.
Unfortunately for us Ebbsfleet's new chief executive was formerly the brains of Charlton's supporter expansion across Kent with the introduction of the Valley Express, meaning that he'll be bringing in a lot of former ties that he was familiar with. This led to the managerial appointment of Steve Brown, despite his failure as an assistant manager and coach at Crabble. And having kept him on as a coach until the end of last season rather than placing him on gardening leave with Forster, would prove to be a costly decision, as the *fat, fucking snakey cunt began to tap up several of last season's squad, who happily flocked over to Stonebridge Road, fully well knowing they would be able to get away with second best under "jobs for boyz" matey Browny, as they had done under Forster's managerial reign.
*I know that above statement is tainted with hypocrisy but let's get this straight; the bloke is exactly that.
Among the mass Dover exile included last season's top scorer and talisman Ben May, who is the best striker not named Adam that we've had at the club in the past decade. He was joined by fellow key player Dean Rance, the combative midfield who won the player's player of the season award with the club last year. His midfield partner Daryl McMahon also flocked, with Ebbsfleet shelling out £13k for the sulky, greasy haired, money-grabbing gypo. Last season's second top goalscorer Billy Bricknell also moved having not been offered a new deal by Kinnear. But there was also space for a rather comical desperation move for defender Shane Huke, who had largely been a massive waste of space and had been out injured since December. He then began a massive trolling session about Dover and Kinnear in particularly, stating that he was pleased to move under Bwowney where he'd play tantalising football on the floor, in the "right way". This despite Shane Huke being the main culprit of launching aimless hollywood balls into either; A) nowhere and B) the rugby ground below, earning himself the very imaginative nickname of 'Shane HOOF'.
But amidst all the "evil money-splashing Ebbsfleet are poaching all our players" mantra, it soon became evident that they were not just the guilty party after all. It was revealed by Billy Bricknell, a fairly decent servant to us over the two seasons he was with us, that the club or Kinnear had even contacted him to let him know where his future with the club lies. Not even a "thank you for your efforts, but you're no longer required" chat was given. Having spoken in person to another released player at a house party this summer, it seems like the communication to out of contract players was completely non-existent. Following the announcement of Tom Wynter re-signing a contract with the club, it was revealed that he'd just been seen a new contract through the post. No conversation or phone call. Just a contract through the post.
The worst thing of all though is it was revealed that Ben May had not even been offered a new deal by the club. Our most consistent player of last season and the best possible goalscoring targetman you could get at this level. This has been cited as concerns over his back problems and thus lack of regular training, and I can see where the club is coming from following the disasters of putting Terry Dixon and Steve Watt on long contracts despite being sicknotes. But May still managed a lot of game time last season and was worth the slight risk given the output we were getting from him.
So following a near untouchable status amongst Dover fans, concerns over Kinnear's methods of communication and team-building here in the 21st century have been raised, particularly following one of the slowest-moving summers in history where replacements have come through at a snail's pace. The 'biding our time to bring the best quality players' was something that an impatient bastard like me would have to get used to, in the belief that we'd get to snap up some quality players that are struggling to find clubs and are using Dover Athletic as last resort, like we did by acquiring the services of Ben May last season in the week before the season began.
But, thus far, the majority of the replacements look on paper adequate at best and there are concerns we have been left with dregs and second choice options.
We have responded to Ebbsfleet nicking some of our better players by embarking on our own raid of some their out-of-contract players, who collectively finished 2nd bottom of the Conference Premier last season. Out of them there do seem to be a few decent acquisitions from out of their cast-offs. Nathan Elder hit 15 goals in 42 appearances for the strugglers last season, and has a history with several football league clubs, suggesting that he should be a like-for-like replacement for May and be able to score at this level. Craig Stone has also joined, and this was prior to their club's takeover. He has been with Ebbsfleet for over 5 seasons and has been described as Mr Dependable by their fans, and he can fill out at both right-back and in central midfield, increasing our versatile options. He has previous won promotion from this level in 2010/11, along with team-mate Ashley Carew, who scored 11 goals from midfield during that successful season. But since a high profile move to Cambridge United didn't work out particularly well, he has been unable to re-gain that sort of form since rejoining Ebbsend, and has largely been described as a frustrating, lazy waste of space by their fans regarding last season. So this signing will be a huge 'if' of whether he can rediscover his form at what is probably his level. From the three pre-season friendlies I attended I was admittedly not overly impressed by him.
And finally, central midfielder Liam Bellamy has also joined. The biggest unknown quantity of the lot, the former Charlton and Brentford youth player has been described as a box-to-box midfielder, but Ebbsfleet fans seem to have described him as a bit too lightweight. Again though, dropping a division should give him more of a chance to showcase his qualities.
The rest of our signings seem to be a bit of a mixed bag as well. Striker Michael Bakare was an early arrival from Chelmsford City, having re-joined them in the latter part of the season he scored 5 goals in 14 games. Prior to a move to then-football league Macclesfield Town, Bakare had been firing on all cynilders for Conference South sides Bishop's Stortford and Chelmsford City, in which his goalscoring form earned him that move following impressing in their FA Cup tie. However, since then, he has lost his way a bit following that unsuccessful spell there and subsequently Southport in the beginning of last season. A return of zero goals from nine pre-season outings suggests that there is still a long road to go until rediscovering that goalscoring touch. He will provide pace and trickery to our frontline though, and he can also play more out wide role.
One of our strongest signings of the summer though is defender Terrell Forbes, who has racked up over 500 appearances in the football league and is still only aged 31. He played several games for both Chesterfield and Aldershot in League 2 last season, and many seem surprised he has winded down to this level as he is apparently more than capable of that level. So he seems like an excellent natural replacement for Sterling, bridging the lack of pace that his departure has left a gap for.
Tom Murphy is another new face, a classic sort of CK signing having joined from Margate where Kinnear knows him from. The 21 year old winger/striker has already played for a host of non-league clubs and seems to come with mixed reviews from fans of his former employers. The general consensus seems to be that he has talent but he struggles to show it enough on a consistent basis, and can often let his head drop when things aren't going well. So it will be another case of hoping Kinnear can coach the best out of him.
And finally, our last signing to date is quite worryingly, former Dover striker Elliot Charles rejoining us following his spell in 2010/11. Back then he was an enthusiastic striker but lacked two rather important features for an attacker; the ability to control a ball and the ability to strike a ball. He's quick, strong and good in the air, and seems to have found a bit of goalscoring form at both Hendon and Eastbourne since his departure, but this is definitely a signing that will not provoke much enthusiasm unless your name is Phil Smith, who has a habit of leeching onto unpopular players because it's going against the grain. From what I saw at the friendly at Whitstable his inability to strike a ball anywhere within 6 feet of the goal was still clear to see, although a brace in a second-half substitute appearance at Brackley on Saturday will hopefully indicate that my huge scepticism on him will eventually be proven wrong and I'll end up with egg on my face.
As of now, we only have 16 first team players signed up for next season, if you exclude the two last-resort cheap youth back-up options in Sean Raggett and Dave Pilcher. But that will probably soon rise to 18, with Richard Orlu and Ugo Udoji seemingly set to sign with the club having been trialling with us all summer. Richard is a central defender who has previously had unnoticeable spells with Staines and Farnborough in this division, and was an ever-present for Ryman Premier side Canvey Island last season. He has been largely seen as a more mobile replacement for Simpemba, albeit less strong and lacking in the leadership skills that Simps possesses.
Udoji probable impending arrival comes having won promotion from this division last season, with the club who beat us in the play-off final. He is described as a right back that has strong attacking qualities, yet can sometimes be suspect defensively as he lacks self-confidence and belief. He was largely kept out of the starting eleven in the latter part of Salisbury's campaign.
However, with these two having still not signed contracts yet, well, not that it's been known publicly anyway, it sort of suggests that Kinnear is still keeping his mind open with regards to defensive options so they may not be his first choice signings, if they do indeed put pen to paper.
So amongst that you have a very mixed bag of new players. Some of them decent, some of them in need of strong coaching or an upturn in confidence in order to be decent, a few of them are iffy. While none of them are particularly crying out "awful", there's not a lot amongst that screams out title-challenging quality. And it's a squad that certainly doesn't look as strong as at least 3 others in our division.
Pre-season results have generally been quite decent. After starting off with home defeats to higher division teams Dagenham & Redbridge and Woking, and then being humbled by Ryman Premier Kingstonian, we then responded by winning 5 games on the bounce and then wrapping off a dull, turgid, pre-season campaign with a 2-2 draw away at fellow beaten play-off finalists Brackley, who enjoyed a very strong season in the Blue Square North. But all of those victories came against weak lower-league opposition, and three of those victories were by singular goal margins. While I never really read a lot into pre-season results and performances, the lack of goals from new strikers Elder and Bakare is a tad worrying, with only 1 notched between them in the 9 fixtures. And that solitary Elder strike was against Whitstable Town, so I guess we've just got to hope they're saving themselves for when the real stuff happens!
Overall, I'm not filled with confidence in our new-look squad ahead of our new campaign. Maybe it's because I'm still annoyed that I was just starting to become attached to last season's squad and the manner that some of them have left the club has left me hugely annoyed. Dickheads like Dean Rancid coming out with garbage in the press saying he didn't leave us for financial reasons but then whining in the same interview that he was only offered equal terms to last season's contract, have sort of soured things for me. One minute he's masturbating the fans and talking up about how good the club is, the next he is out the exit door on his own accord. You can never place any trust in a footballer, as they're all the same self-absorbed dickheads.
There are admittedly a few positives regarding our squad. Firstly there's a lot more versatility and depth in all areas of the pitch now. There are a number of players that can cover at least one area of the pitch. We have a lot more central midfield options this season with Cogan, Stone, Carew and Bellamy all capable of playing there. In the only area of the field we have maintained continuity in; we have a good, young, solid goalkeeper in Mitch Walker who should improve with age, although there is room for improvement in his ability to come for crosses. Defensively we should be quite solid, as is always the norm with a CK side. And going forward we have a lot of pace, power and trickery, with an abundance of wide options, so we should always be a constant threat. It's the lack of goalscoring prowess at the moment that I'm most worried about.
In my opinion though, the league will be significantly stronger at the top this season and we haven't progressed enough to compete with the likes of Ebbsfleet, Sutton and Eastleigh in the title race. I'd love to be proven wrong of course, but those three have strengthened so much in the summer.
One thing we have got going for us is that for the first time in four seasons we start the new campaign with a decent manager. For all the guilt I have for building doubts up about his ability of communication and methods in constructing a team here in 2013, the modern word, there is no doubt he is a very good manager who has several promotions on his CV, and recently managed to get previously under-achieving wankers from a whisker away of gaining promotion in just the space of 4 months. He has a clear idea of what he is doing and knows what he wants from his players, which is a vast contrast from the no gameplan we had under Forster.
The biggest positive going into this season is that we are very unfancied by everyone else and seem to be going completely under the radar. Nobody seems to be expecting us to do well, and the few that are tipping us are on doing on the basis that it'll be "unexpected".
We can take great comfort from the fact that 2 of the past 3 league winners have been widely un-tipped sides, who were built upon strong team ethos and hard workmanship rather than a team of outstanding individuals. While our budget is probably nowhere near as small as Braintree's or Welling's previously successful sides, hopefully we can take inspiration from them and upset the favourites apple-cart. Football at this level rarely turns out as you'd expect it. We've been amongst the favourites for the past 2 or 3 seasons now but it's almost as if we're an underdog this year. While that's largely untrue, we can pretend we are and try and use that tag in our favour. For now though, I'll accept a play-off berth, even though I accept that we'll never achieve promotion via them.
I would love to be full of the usual bluster and bullishness that most fans possess on the eve of a new season, but as I have got older I have become much more cynical, sceptical and downright depressive, that the failures of the past 3 seasons have perhaps made me become a bit unfair to the new arrivals in our squad. I really ought to give some of our new signings a chance before writing them off, so it's time to cheer up and attempt a smile.
Key Player = Moses Ademola. After signing for what was rumoured to be a five figure fee back in November, it took Moses until the final day of the season to get off the mark for the club. That superb 25 yard strike at Bromley was followed up with a goal inside 20 seconds in the play-off semi leg at Eastleigh. He's apparently looked fit and firing in recent pre-season outings, which is promising as it's about time we received some consistent performances on our investment as we all know what he is capable of.
Verdict = 7th. A perceived negative prediction like this is hardly likely to bridge my increasingly unpopular status amongst my fellow DAFC-supporting peers. But I'm not in this business to make friends or win popularity awards, I'm here to say what I think. I'm not outright certain we'll miss out on the play-offs, but I think it'll be a lot tougher than some people think. We'll be in the hunt for 4th-5th place, but I just have a hunch we'll miss out this year. Feel free to ram this prediction down my throat once we're 15 points clear by Christmas though.
Basingstoke Town
Basingstoke were unable to hit the same heights as their 2011/2012 campaign last season, in which they unexpectedly gatecrashed the final play-off spot following a huge end of season bottle job from both ourselves and Chelmsford City. Instead they spent the first half of the season looking like serious contenders for relegation, with frequent visits inside the bottom three. But an upturn in form after Christmas, including an astonishingly 5-0 pumping of Dover at Crabble, meant that they finished the season comfortably in 14th place.
Since then two of their key players have moved onto pastures new. Star striker and occasional porn star slayer Delano Sam-Yorke has departed for Cambridge United, while evergreen goalkeeper Ashley Bayes has joined AFC Wimbledon as player/coach.
Fortunately for the Stokies though, they have bought in some decent players at this level. Louis Wells is Bayes's replacement, coming with mixed reviews having joined from Dartford, while team-mate Adam Green has joined him at the Camrose having been a key part of their promotion winning side at this level. Robbie Matthews joins fresh from winning promotion with Salisbury, and he'll be joined in their new attacking options by Kezie Ibe, a journeyman at this level but should still have goals in him.
Another serious boost for the Dragons though is the release of their new club song, which should ruffle a few feathers on their rusty PA system this season. If you haven't had themisfortune of hearing it yet, then please do take a laugh look.
Key Player = Neil Barrett. The experienced midfielder joins from Ebbsfleet having racked up several appearances in the conference premier with them, York City and Woking. Should be a good player at this level if he still has the legs.
Verdict = 9th. Decent acquisitions should see them into a top-half finish. Possibly a contender for another unexpected play-off push, should their thin squad not get too decimated by cup run fatigue and injury.
Bath City
The West Country bumpkins endured a disappointing return to the Conference South following their relegation, finishing in 11th place, but they never looked like troubling the play-off spots.
This season though, however, they will be looking to push on and expect to be in the mix come April. Goalscoring veteran Charlie Griffin has left the club but their attacking options have been bolstered with the signing of Andy Watkins, widely regarded as one of the few remaining class acts of the Truro City team that was relegated following its financial implosion. He'll be joined by Dave Pratt of Maidenhead United and one of Weston-Super-Mare's key player's in their unexpected push for the play-offs last season in Ross Stearn. Ben Adelsbury has also arrived from Eastbourne Borough.
Key Player = Josh Low. A stalwart for one of my successful Rochdale sides on Football Manager 2009, I know full well that the bloke has a very decent pedigree in the football league league. Apparently he struggled to adapt to the change to part-time football after joining last season but improved as the season went on.
Verdict = 8th. I'm not convinced that they're strong enough to finish in the top 5 but they should improve upon last season.
Bishop's Stortford
Following a two year absence from the conference south, Stortford are now back, after becoming victims of the stupidly low geographical boundary that the south/north divide has become. But after two lower-half finishes competing in the wife-beating, stella-swilling, poverty-stricken surroundings, they should be well equipped for their return "home", as their incessantly whinging fans have desperately craved.
Following the sacking of long-haired former England goalkeeper Ian Walker last season, they have made a shrewd appointment in making Rod Stringer his successor. The man who employed anti-football, rugby-esque so successfully with Braintree three seasons ago has the know how to succeed at this level, however deplorable his methods (at least then) are.
Now they're not so restricted by signing players, with the long distance travelling involved becoming a hindrance in attracting targets, they should be in for at least a comfortable finish this season.
Amongst their most notable additions is Cliff Akurang; a bit of a journeyman striker at this level but should still get goals given the service. Highly-rated Sam Collins has signed from East Thurrock along with fellow ryman-premier Essexman Ashley Miller from Canvey Island. Their is also an ex-Dover player in their ranks now that Kyle Vassell has joined following his release from Chelmsford.
Key Player = Alli Abdullahi. To be honest, I've never even heard of the bloke. But going by his profile picture he looks beefy and stocky, so I expect him to be a key component of a Rod Stringer game plan.
Verdict = 12th. A contender for this season's surprise package with Stringer in charge, he has great knowledge of the local scene. I'm not sure about a play-off spot but I think they'll be more than comfortable, even in spite of a fairly moderate budget.
Boreham Wood
For once I won't open up my Boreham Wood assessment by describing how much I detest the existence of the pointless, worthless, fanless, waste-of-space, waste-of-time, depressing shitheap in an even more depressing, desolute town, club that serve no raison d'etre. I'm more mature and beyond that.
Instead, let's talk about the footballing side of things for a change. Boreham Wood spent the majority of last season in and around the play-off spots until the final few months, in which a sequence of too many draws prevented a side that were very difficult to beat from challenging for promotion.
This is a side that suffered the joint-third fewest defeats in the division and also had one of the strongest home records in the league. Their man problem was turning draws into wins with one main factor missing; goals. Their 59 net busters was the joint-lowest total in the top-half of the division, with a further 6 sides in the bottom-half outscoring them.
To arrest this problem they have brought in two former Dover strikers. Firstly Donovan Simmonds joins from Chelmsford, probably hoping to get a more central role having been drifted out to the wing in recent seasons. Calum Willock also joins following a disappointing season at Crabble last year, but this was no doubt aided by neither manager utilizing the best of his abilities. I fully expect him to become a regular goalscorer for them next year.
In providing ammunition for him they now have Ricky Shakes, the former Ebbsfleet winger joining from Kidderminster. An impressive signing at this level, who should give them more width and creativity. Experienced midfielder Mark Bentley also arrives from Hayes and Yeading.
This is a strong team that was very difficult to break down last season, and I expect them to improve upon their solid foundations. Expect them to exploit the loan market again with the likes of Arsenal, Watford, QPR and Stevenage bailing out their feeder club.
Key Player = Charlie O'Laughlin. One of those players that you fucking despise as an opposition fan but he is incredibly effective at what he does. I.E elbow, push, shove, bully strikers and then resort to play-acting when he gets anything given back to him. The ultimate shithouse.
Verdict = 5th. It's going to happen sooner or later. Yep, it's a horrifying prospect that they could soon be playing national football, but this is a club that is unfortunately well run with avenue streams from elsewhere covering from their pitiful match-day attendance income. They are a strong side and one that should push on next year and will do so if Willock re-finds his goalscoring form.
Bromley
Last season was a fairly typical season for the lilywhites. As usual, they enjoyed a good cup run, succumbing to the riches of Fleetwood in the 1st round proper having knocked out a certain other Kent-based team en route. But their league form was less than impressive. After looking most of the season looking nailed on for a mid-table finish, their league form faltered towards the end of the season after Ali Fusieni's departure to Sutton and they were eventually dragged into a relegation battle, only securing survival on the penultimate weekend.
They looked utterly abysmal when we thrashed them 4-0 at Hayes Lane on the final day of the season, so it is welcoming news for their fans that several reinforcements have arrived. Not so welcoming is that three of the arrivals come from relegated sides Billericay and Hornchurch. Shithouse centre-half Rob Swaine and non-scoring striker Jay May cross the Dartford tunnel into Kent from the former, but Alex Bentley was widely regarded as one of the Urchins better performers in their immediate relegation back to the ryman prem.
Other inbound players include Shamir Mullings, a young forward released from Southend. Ashley Nicholls, one of Dorchester's most influential midfielders while defenders Joe Anderson and Dean Pooley arrive from Cambridge United and Margate respectively.
Key Player = Pierre Joseph-Dubois. Still listed as a player on the ever reliable website that is wikipedia, Dubois is a player that has always seems to pop up on the scoresheet. He'll need to step up now Louis Theospanus has rejoined Staines, 6 months after joining the club for a fee. Bad business.
Verdict - 17th. As usual, I'd expect them to meander somewhere around the bottom-half. I expect them to survive as they're one of those long established clubs at this level, but I wouldn't be surprised to see them dragged into another scrap.
Chelmsford City
Chelmsford City are the only club that can outdo Dover and Ebbsfleet in terms of personnel change this summer, following the departure of Glenn Pennyfather, who quit his four year managerial reign and seven year association with the club, having led them to yet another play-off semi defeat but also into the 2nd round of the FA Cup again, including a memorable win over football league fellow Essex side Colchester United.
That leaves a gap for a new "biggest twat manager" in the division but there are various strong contenders to fill the void, including his very own successor, the proven woman-beater that is Dean Holdsworth, following a disastrous spell with football league Aldershot.
This seemed (or does still seem) like a very good appointment on paper; the bloke created the best ever side at this level in the form of Newport County's 2009/10 one, that stormed to the title with 103 points. However, Newport fans seem to attribute a lot of that success to his more knowledgeable assistant and insist he was flawed.
Having seen some of his signings this summer, I assume that that theory has weight behind it. A huge player upheaval has undergone over the summer, with virtually the majority of the squad exiting with the exception of a few players like Mark Haines and Justin Miller.
Some of the incoming replacements seem vastly inferior to the likes of Cook, Palmer and Slabber. Several Dover rejects have been snapped up, including the woeful Nicky "can't pass water" Nicolau, Tom "aimless hollywood balls" Davis, Danny Webb, Sam Long and Leon Redwood. Ok, so some of them aren't that bad. But they're not the sort of players that will be pulling up any trees at this level.
Several other average journeyman have also signed. Kieron St Aimee (a joke figure at all of his previous clubs), Bertie Brayley (who hasn't scored goals for years) and Christian Smith (very unfavourable reviews from what I've seen online).
In amongst the dross have been a couple of decent signings though. Jeff Goulding should be an asset at this level, having racked up several football league appearances with Aldershot and Bournemouth. And Mark Hughes is another signing with enormous football league and leadership pedigree, but even us at Dover baulked at some of his wage demands when he trialled over here.
Other signings include two goalkeepers in Carl Pentney and the much-maligned Tommy Forecast, as well as midfielder Matt Lock rejoining the club following an exile in Australia.
Key Player = Mark Hughes. Will need to justify his big wages with big performances. The sort of on-field leader they need to marshall together a very renovated side.
Verdict = 10th. I envisage Chelmsford to be one of the biggest under achievers in the division, having seen the general calibre of player they have brought in. I hope not to mince my words 10 months down the line, but I can't see the majority of those players good enough to sustain a push for the top 5 spots.
Concord Rangers
One thing I have been craving for a while now is the addition of new, unvisited clubs at this level as fresh blood has been the one thing severely lacking in the past few years. And thankfully, this year, we have three new teams who have never played in the Conference South before.
But errrrr, the second biggest team on Canvey Island, with Benfleet being one of the biggest shitholes I've had the misfortune of visiting while supporting Dover, was not the top of my imagination. This is a club who seem to essentially be another nothing, village club who have somehow been financed up the leagues despite zero potential for growth being there.
How long their stay in the division lasts remains to be seen, but I suspect it won't be a long enduring one. Admittedly though, I know very little about the club; I hadn't even heard of them until a couple of years ago. They were a county league side as recently as 2007/08. I can only assume they're bankrolled to some extent to continuously rise up the leagues at the rate that they have, seeing as their fan-base is nearly non-existent.
Looking at their squad, there are a few noticeable players in their ranks. One of them is Sam Higgins, the former Chelmsford City striker. Another one is Paul Goodacre, who has joined from Hornchurch, amidst reported interest from Chris Kinnear when he rejoined Dover.
Other new recruits include Bradley Hamilton from Colchester, Jamie Butler from Met Police and Gary Ogilive, a signing from Canadian side FC London.
Key Player = Tony Stokes. A former West Ham youth product, who lists former Hungarian champions Upjest FC as his previous employers. He has apparently scored 78 goals from 124 appearances from central midfield for Concord, including the winning goal in their play-off semi-final against Wealdstone. Sounds like the sort of player we should be scouting really.
Verdict = 22th. A very lazy prediction, admittedly, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's the one that come back to bite me on the arse the most. But both Billericay and Hornchurch were immediately relegated despite both being promoted more convincingly than the 74 points Concord accumulated, so it's difficult to see what the difference between 'The Beachboys' and those two clubs will be.
Dorchester Town
Dorchester enjoyed a hugely impressive campaign in 2012/2013, given their meagre resources. After a rare memorable FA Cup run, which culminated in a 1st round proper victory my beloved Plymouth Argyle, the Magpies followed up that success with a strong 8th placed final finish, only seven points adrift of 5th place.
However, any repeat of that success this time around is very unlikely. With their Supporter's Trust acquiring the majority control of the club this summer, a further reduced budget has been announced with a rumoured weekly wage bill of £2k meaning that they'll be operating on a very commendable tight-ship.
That, however, means that just simply surviving at this level has to be the target. Key players have since departed, including the highly-sought Kieffer Moore who moved to Championship side Yeovil for a fee. Midfielder Ashley Nichols has departed for Bromley while long-serving Nathan Walker has also exited the club to their fierce rivals Weymouth. The only two arrivals to date are Poole Town forward Jamie Beasley and former Truro goalkeeper Tim Sandercombe.
But the nucleus of a capable side remains and the only real concerns from their fans is the lack of squad depth and striking options, beyond the unknown Beasley and Ben Watson, who has a decent goals-to-game ratio with the club.
Key Player = Charlie Clough. The former Bristol Rovers defender is widely regarded as one of their best prospects, and most likely to join the likes of Moore and Hutchinson from previous seasons in moving onto a football league club. He's already notched 10 goals from 37 appearances according to wiki.
Verdict = 15th. Dorchester will continue to humble shit-or-bust merchants in the division, including ourselves. They won't replicate the same heights as last year but surviving the drop will a be success in itself given their budget.
Eastbourne Borough
The Priory Lane outfit have endured a disappointing couple of campaigns since their return to regional football following relegation from non-league's top flight in 2011, but last season's 12th placed finish was an improvement on the previous year's 18th spot.
There has not been too much activity in the Summer to suggest that they will be moving away from lower-table mediocrity any time soon though. The signing of Dover defender Ian Simpemba is hugely impressive for them, and will be an upgrade on the departure of fellow defender Anwar Uddin. For all his lack of pace, there are few better strong, natural leaders from the back like him at this level.
But defensively is not a department in which Eastbourne struggled badly in last season. It what their goal tally that was the main issue for the; their 42 goals scored was comfortably the fewest in the division. And little seems to have been done to address that problem; the only other new addition of note is Craig Ross, a goalkeeper from Cambridge United.
It's no wonder why they lack in the firepower department when you see how unambitious they were when they came to Crabble last season; running down a 93rd minute corner of theirs to waste time with the score still 0-0.
Key Player = Ian Simpemba. A bit of a lazy choice, I know. But you should stick to what you know. And Simpemba will have to be on the top of his game to stop Eastbourne from being in the thick of a relegation battle.
Verdict = 18th. Looking at their thin squad and the lack of quality striking options, it is difficult to see Eastbourne pushing on this season unless some new bodies are brought in. I wouldn't be too surprised to see them in another fight to avoid the bottom 3.
Eastleigh
The newly found riches of Eastleigh FC, now bankrolled by an Oxfordshire insurance company, who have no suspicious motives at all if you ask their deluded fanbase, were much expected to sustain a strong push for the title with their expensively assembled squad. However, a terrible start to season cost Ian Baird his job, and it took knob-head replacement Richard Hill a while to get going before their form dramatically improved in the final four months. After looking very much out of the play-off picture at one point, they eventually wormed their way into the promotion picture in the final few weeks by going on a very strong sequence of wins. However, they were quite harshly undone by Dover Athletic over the course of 2 legs so they remain in this division for at least another season.
Much more will be expected of them this time around, as the calibre of shit-or-bust signing has dramatically improved in the close season. Much needed firepower has arrived in the form of Ben Strevens, dropping into non-league for the first time in over 6 years following spells with Dagenham, Wycombe, Brentford and Gillingham. Yemi Odubade is another arrival, having played for several clubs in the Conference National and above, most recently of Gateshead. But most ridiculously of all is the signing of Stuart Fleetwood; the Luton Town striker who, only aged 27, is playing at least a division below his natural level. With some of their players rumoured to be on at least four figures it's no surprise they've managed to tempt him to drop a level....
And in supplying them they already have a midfield packed with creative talent with the likes of Jai Reason, Glen Southam (who although mainly a headless chicken for us, was the best player on the park in the PO 2nd leg), Craig McCallister, who have now been joined by conference national regulars in Will Evans and Jamie Collins, who join from Hereford and Forest Green Rovers respectively.
This is a team that has already addressed it's defensive frailties by bringing experienced defenders Chris Todd and Dean Beckwith in the earlier part of the year.
So a strong push for the title this season is the minimum expectation, and they will be aided by having the finances to plug any weaknesses throughout the campaign. It's quite depressing to see a nothing club with no potential look much better positioned to get promoted than us, but we have spunked enough money of our own over the past few years trying to get out of this division so we can only blame ourselves at our squandered chances.
Key Player = Stuart Fleetwood. Another obvious, stand-out choice. But let's be honest, the bloke should be scoring a shit-load of goals at this level. At least a 20-25 goal a season man should be remain injury-free and fit.
Verdict = 2nd. They will definitely start the season as favourites. But something is telling me that they will just fall short. I still think they looked there for the taking, defensively wise, over the course of the play-offs. Ross Flitney is still a calamity waiting to happen in goal and his deputy Jack Govey is even worse. We were saying exactly the same things about Eastleigh this time last year, so them winning the league might not just be the formality that everyone seems to be expect.
Ebbsfleet United
While I'm sure nearly every single Dover fan joins me in hoping that Ebbsfleet crash and burn this season, while Steve Brown turns out to be the failure manager we expect him to be and is sacked by Christmas, the reality is that that will probably just remain a bitter fantastical dream.
Because for as much as Brown's policy towards player recruitment has been incredibly lazy, they have still managed to assemble a squad that so far looks like it will be amongst the best in the division. To date he hasn't signed a player that he either A) hasn't coached before, B) hasn't impressed against Dover before and C) isn't a mate of a few of the players. But while his scouting network is obviously limited, it is probably working for the time being.
In addition to the 'Dover 5' that we all know about, there are various proven BSS quality players. Two of them are Chelmsford pair Aiden Palmer and Anthony Cook, the latter of whom I was hoping that we'd be in the contention to sign. Stacy Long has returned to the club via a few spells in the football league with Stevenage and AFC Wimbledon. Defender Osei Sankofa also has joined, previously impressing against us with Boreham Wood. Striker Michael Thallisitis has joined their attacking options, presumably because his clinical hat-trick against us for Boringwood back in 2011/12 has impressed Brown enough to sign him on a season long loan from Stevenage
Then there is the retention of some of their better players from last season. Four players who have previously won promotion for this level before with them, including England C goalkeeper and one time DAFC loanee Preston Edwards, defenders Joe Howe and Paul Lorraine, and highly-rated young midfielder Tom Phipp.
So there's obviously a lot of quality amongst their squad, with exception to the hilarious desperation signings of Shane Huke & Michael Corcoron; both a waste of time in Brown's time at Crabble. Their starting eleven certainly looks strong at least anyway.
Their fans just have to hope that the Steve Brown pally pally approach to coaching with all 'his boys' pays off. While some seem to regard him as an excellent coach, he will have a lot to do to prove that he wasn't a key component of the underachievement we suffered under Forster when he was his assistant.
Fortunately for Brown though, unlike Forster he has a much more experienced and knowledgeable assistant to turn to in the need for help, in the form of Steve Gritt; the mastermind behind Brighton's miraculous escape from dropping into conference football wilderness in the mid 90's.
Key Player = Billy Bricknell. While most of us were not overly tearful to see the striker depart Crabble, he clearly has a point to prove and will benefit from getting regular football. He has been on fire in pre-season, scoring 8 goals in the past 5 outings, suggesting that he'll probably go on to score a hatful for them. We've seen the talent from him in spells, he just needs to score goals on a more consistent basis rather than continuously alternating from a hot streak into a drought.
Verdict = 3rd. While I'm obviously hoping that Brown continues the underachieving, "2nd best is acceptable" that we saw at Crabble, I think he has too many good players to mess this one up too catastrophically. I can't see them being right amidst in the title fight but they should finish in the top 5, with or without Brown. Then again, we said that with previous squads at Crabble....
Farnborough
Where on earth do you start with the utter mess, complete joke/farce of a club that is Farnborough FC? The perennial financial basketcases, that make ourselves and Portsmouth's monetary histories seem untainted, have gone into administration for the zillionth time this summer and have subsequently been placed under a transfer embargo.
But, as it has emerged over the past 24 hours, PR publicity whore gambling company Paddy Power have offered a 6 figure fee to sponsor the club. Only in return, all of Farnborough's existing players have had to change their names by deed poll to the names of legendary footballers. In some sort of "wacky" scheme by the bookmakers which brings further shame and mockery at football at this level, meaning it is impossible to take clubs and fans seriously. Football has died just a little bit more today.
This sponsorship deal no doubt means that they will probably exit administration avoid a ten point deduction, fail to learn their lessons and completely start overspending yet again, as the cycle begins its never ending stage once more.
As for on the field footballing issues; Farnborough should more than comfortably hold their own in the division, as a side that accumulated 64 points last season when you don't factor in the points deductions. They have some experienced, previously successful players at this level in the likes of Alan "Alan Hansen" Inns, Elvis "Pele" Hammond, Adam "Paulo Maldini" Doyle and Kevin "Gordon Banks" Scriven.
Until the embargo is lifted though it will probably prevent convicted fraudster Spencer "Jose Mourinho" Day from progressing them further up the table.
Key Player = Scott "David Beckham" Donnelly. The midfielder, still only 25, has plenty of football league appearances with Aldershot, Swansea and Wycombe Wanderers. Should be a class act at this level.
Verdict = 13th. It's impossible to predict with Farnborough, as you never know the latest circus that is about to unfold in front of you with them. I'll play it on the safe side and predict a mid-table finish, but they have a lot of players in their squad capable of achieving better, as we saw in the 5-2 pasting they dished us last season.
Gosport Borough
A much welcome newcomer into the division, Gosport play next season in the Conference South for the first time in their history, following a penalty shootout play-off win over Southern Premier rivals Hemel Hempstead Town. Having started in the season in poor form , Borough then embarked on an astonishing 23 match unbeaten run towards the business end, and knocked out big favourites Stourbridge en route to promotion.
Yet again this is another club that will very much be an unknown quantity, but from what I have heard they are a side who persist with very direct, agricultural football that picks them up a lot of results, particularly efficient on an apparently awful, bumpy pitch at their Privett Park home.
In order to prepare for life at this level they have brought in conference south experience from fellow Hampshire sides in the form of Sam Pearce and Andy Forbes, via Havant and Eastleigh respectively. Other new additions include Gareth Barfoot and Mike Gosney (feasting on the carcass of AFC Totton), Jonny Brogden (Chelmsford) Jack Barton (Aldershot) and Ricardo Viana from the exotically-named Portuguese side Associação Desportiva de Grijó. Could be an interesting one.
Udoji probable impending arrival comes having won promotion from this division last season, with the club who beat us in the play-off final. He is described as a right back that has strong attacking qualities, yet can sometimes be suspect defensively as he lacks self-confidence and belief. He was largely kept out of the starting eleven in the latter part of Salisbury's campaign.
However, with these two having still not signed contracts yet, well, not that it's been known publicly anyway, it sort of suggests that Kinnear is still keeping his mind open with regards to defensive options so they may not be his first choice signings, if they do indeed put pen to paper.
So amongst that you have a very mixed bag of new players. Some of them decent, some of them in need of strong coaching or an upturn in confidence in order to be decent, a few of them are iffy. While none of them are particularly crying out "awful", there's not a lot amongst that screams out title-challenging quality. And it's a squad that certainly doesn't look as strong as at least 3 others in our division.
Pre-season results have generally been quite decent. After starting off with home defeats to higher division teams Dagenham & Redbridge and Woking, and then being humbled by Ryman Premier Kingstonian, we then responded by winning 5 games on the bounce and then wrapping off a dull, turgid, pre-season campaign with a 2-2 draw away at fellow beaten play-off finalists Brackley, who enjoyed a very strong season in the Blue Square North. But all of those victories came against weak lower-league opposition, and three of those victories were by singular goal margins. While I never really read a lot into pre-season results and performances, the lack of goals from new strikers Elder and Bakare is a tad worrying, with only 1 notched between them in the 9 fixtures. And that solitary Elder strike was against Whitstable Town, so I guess we've just got to hope they're saving themselves for when the real stuff happens!
Overall, I'm not filled with confidence in our new-look squad ahead of our new campaign. Maybe it's because I'm still annoyed that I was just starting to become attached to last season's squad and the manner that some of them have left the club has left me hugely annoyed. Dickheads like Dean Rancid coming out with garbage in the press saying he didn't leave us for financial reasons but then whining in the same interview that he was only offered equal terms to last season's contract, have sort of soured things for me. One minute he's masturbating the fans and talking up about how good the club is, the next he is out the exit door on his own accord. You can never place any trust in a footballer, as they're all the same self-absorbed dickheads.
There are admittedly a few positives regarding our squad. Firstly there's a lot more versatility and depth in all areas of the pitch now. There are a number of players that can cover at least one area of the pitch. We have a lot more central midfield options this season with Cogan, Stone, Carew and Bellamy all capable of playing there. In the only area of the field we have maintained continuity in; we have a good, young, solid goalkeeper in Mitch Walker who should improve with age, although there is room for improvement in his ability to come for crosses. Defensively we should be quite solid, as is always the norm with a CK side. And going forward we have a lot of pace, power and trickery, with an abundance of wide options, so we should always be a constant threat. It's the lack of goalscoring prowess at the moment that I'm most worried about.
In my opinion though, the league will be significantly stronger at the top this season and we haven't progressed enough to compete with the likes of Ebbsfleet, Sutton and Eastleigh in the title race. I'd love to be proven wrong of course, but those three have strengthened so much in the summer.
One thing we have got going for us is that for the first time in four seasons we start the new campaign with a decent manager. For all the guilt I have for building doubts up about his ability of communication and methods in constructing a team here in 2013, the modern word, there is no doubt he is a very good manager who has several promotions on his CV, and recently managed to get previously under-achieving wankers from a whisker away of gaining promotion in just the space of 4 months. He has a clear idea of what he is doing and knows what he wants from his players, which is a vast contrast from the no gameplan we had under Forster.
The biggest positive going into this season is that we are very unfancied by everyone else and seem to be going completely under the radar. Nobody seems to be expecting us to do well, and the few that are tipping us are on doing on the basis that it'll be "unexpected".
We can take great comfort from the fact that 2 of the past 3 league winners have been widely un-tipped sides, who were built upon strong team ethos and hard workmanship rather than a team of outstanding individuals. While our budget is probably nowhere near as small as Braintree's or Welling's previously successful sides, hopefully we can take inspiration from them and upset the favourites apple-cart. Football at this level rarely turns out as you'd expect it. We've been amongst the favourites for the past 2 or 3 seasons now but it's almost as if we're an underdog this year. While that's largely untrue, we can pretend we are and try and use that tag in our favour. For now though, I'll accept a play-off berth, even though I accept that we'll never achieve promotion via them.
I would love to be full of the usual bluster and bullishness that most fans possess on the eve of a new season, but as I have got older I have become much more cynical, sceptical and downright depressive, that the failures of the past 3 seasons have perhaps made me become a bit unfair to the new arrivals in our squad. I really ought to give some of our new signings a chance before writing them off, so it's time to cheer up and attempt a smile.
Key Player = Moses Ademola. After signing for what was rumoured to be a five figure fee back in November, it took Moses until the final day of the season to get off the mark for the club. That superb 25 yard strike at Bromley was followed up with a goal inside 20 seconds in the play-off semi leg at Eastleigh. He's apparently looked fit and firing in recent pre-season outings, which is promising as it's about time we received some consistent performances on our investment as we all know what he is capable of.
Verdict = 7th. A perceived negative prediction like this is hardly likely to bridge my increasingly unpopular status amongst my fellow DAFC-supporting peers. But I'm not in this business to make friends or win popularity awards, I'm here to say what I think. I'm not outright certain we'll miss out on the play-offs, but I think it'll be a lot tougher than some people think. We'll be in the hunt for 4th-5th place, but I just have a hunch we'll miss out this year. Feel free to ram this prediction down my throat once we're 15 points clear by Christmas though.
Basingstoke Town
Since then two of their key players have moved onto pastures new. Star striker and occasional porn star slayer Delano Sam-Yorke has departed for Cambridge United, while evergreen goalkeeper Ashley Bayes has joined AFC Wimbledon as player/coach.
Fortunately for the Stokies though, they have bought in some decent players at this level. Louis Wells is Bayes's replacement, coming with mixed reviews having joined from Dartford, while team-mate Adam Green has joined him at the Camrose having been a key part of their promotion winning side at this level. Robbie Matthews joins fresh from winning promotion with Salisbury, and he'll be joined in their new attacking options by Kezie Ibe, a journeyman at this level but should still have goals in him.
Another serious boost for the Dragons though is the release of their new club song, which should ruffle a few feathers on their rusty PA system this season. If you haven't had the
Key Player = Neil Barrett. The experienced midfielder joins from Ebbsfleet having racked up several appearances in the conference premier with them, York City and Woking. Should be a good player at this level if he still has the legs.
Verdict = 9th. Decent acquisitions should see them into a top-half finish. Possibly a contender for another unexpected play-off push, should their thin squad not get too decimated by cup run fatigue and injury.
Bath City
This season though, however, they will be looking to push on and expect to be in the mix come April. Goalscoring veteran Charlie Griffin has left the club but their attacking options have been bolstered with the signing of Andy Watkins, widely regarded as one of the few remaining class acts of the Truro City team that was relegated following its financial implosion. He'll be joined by Dave Pratt of Maidenhead United and one of Weston-Super-Mare's key player's in their unexpected push for the play-offs last season in Ross Stearn. Ben Adelsbury has also arrived from Eastbourne Borough.
Key Player = Josh Low. A stalwart for one of my successful Rochdale sides on Football Manager 2009, I know full well that the bloke has a very decent pedigree in the football league league. Apparently he struggled to adapt to the change to part-time football after joining last season but improved as the season went on.
Verdict = 8th. I'm not convinced that they're strong enough to finish in the top 5 but they should improve upon last season.
Bishop's Stortford
Following the sacking of long-haired former England goalkeeper Ian Walker last season, they have made a shrewd appointment in making Rod Stringer his successor. The man who employed anti-football, rugby-esque so successfully with Braintree three seasons ago has the know how to succeed at this level, however deplorable his methods (at least then) are.
Now they're not so restricted by signing players, with the long distance travelling involved becoming a hindrance in attracting targets, they should be in for at least a comfortable finish this season.
Amongst their most notable additions is Cliff Akurang; a bit of a journeyman striker at this level but should still get goals given the service. Highly-rated Sam Collins has signed from East Thurrock along with fellow ryman-premier Essexman Ashley Miller from Canvey Island. Their is also an ex-Dover player in their ranks now that Kyle Vassell has joined following his release from Chelmsford.
Key Player = Alli Abdullahi. To be honest, I've never even heard of the bloke. But going by his profile picture he looks beefy and stocky, so I expect him to be a key component of a Rod Stringer game plan.
Verdict = 12th. A contender for this season's surprise package with Stringer in charge, he has great knowledge of the local scene. I'm not sure about a play-off spot but I think they'll be more than comfortable, even in spite of a fairly moderate budget.
Boreham Wood
Instead, let's talk about the footballing side of things for a change. Boreham Wood spent the majority of last season in and around the play-off spots until the final few months, in which a sequence of too many draws prevented a side that were very difficult to beat from challenging for promotion.
This is a side that suffered the joint-third fewest defeats in the division and also had one of the strongest home records in the league. Their man problem was turning draws into wins with one main factor missing; goals. Their 59 net busters was the joint-lowest total in the top-half of the division, with a further 6 sides in the bottom-half outscoring them.
To arrest this problem they have brought in two former Dover strikers. Firstly Donovan Simmonds joins from Chelmsford, probably hoping to get a more central role having been drifted out to the wing in recent seasons. Calum Willock also joins following a disappointing season at Crabble last year, but this was no doubt aided by neither manager utilizing the best of his abilities. I fully expect him to become a regular goalscorer for them next year.
In providing ammunition for him they now have Ricky Shakes, the former Ebbsfleet winger joining from Kidderminster. An impressive signing at this level, who should give them more width and creativity. Experienced midfielder Mark Bentley also arrives from Hayes and Yeading.
This is a strong team that was very difficult to break down last season, and I expect them to improve upon their solid foundations. Expect them to exploit the loan market again with the likes of Arsenal, Watford, QPR and Stevenage bailing out their feeder club.
Key Player = Charlie O'Laughlin. One of those players that you fucking despise as an opposition fan but he is incredibly effective at what he does. I.E elbow, push, shove, bully strikers and then resort to play-acting when he gets anything given back to him. The ultimate shithouse.
Verdict = 5th. It's going to happen sooner or later. Yep, it's a horrifying prospect that they could soon be playing national football, but this is a club that is unfortunately well run with avenue streams from elsewhere covering from their pitiful match-day attendance income. They are a strong side and one that should push on next year and will do so if Willock re-finds his goalscoring form.
Bromley
They looked utterly abysmal when we thrashed them 4-0 at Hayes Lane on the final day of the season, so it is welcoming news for their fans that several reinforcements have arrived. Not so welcoming is that three of the arrivals come from relegated sides Billericay and Hornchurch. Shithouse centre-half Rob Swaine and non-scoring striker Jay May cross the Dartford tunnel into Kent from the former, but Alex Bentley was widely regarded as one of the Urchins better performers in their immediate relegation back to the ryman prem.
Other inbound players include Shamir Mullings, a young forward released from Southend. Ashley Nicholls, one of Dorchester's most influential midfielders while defenders Joe Anderson and Dean Pooley arrive from Cambridge United and Margate respectively.
Key Player = Pierre Joseph-Dubois. Still listed as a player on the ever reliable website that is wikipedia, Dubois is a player that has always seems to pop up on the scoresheet. He'll need to step up now Louis Theospanus has rejoined Staines, 6 months after joining the club for a fee. Bad business.
Verdict - 17th. As usual, I'd expect them to meander somewhere around the bottom-half. I expect them to survive as they're one of those long established clubs at this level, but I wouldn't be surprised to see them dragged into another scrap.
Chelmsford City
That leaves a gap for a new "biggest twat manager" in the division but there are various strong contenders to fill the void, including his very own successor, the proven woman-beater that is Dean Holdsworth, following a disastrous spell with football league Aldershot.
This seemed (or does still seem) like a very good appointment on paper; the bloke created the best ever side at this level in the form of Newport County's 2009/10 one, that stormed to the title with 103 points. However, Newport fans seem to attribute a lot of that success to his more knowledgeable assistant and insist he was flawed.
Having seen some of his signings this summer, I assume that that theory has weight behind it. A huge player upheaval has undergone over the summer, with virtually the majority of the squad exiting with the exception of a few players like Mark Haines and Justin Miller.
Some of the incoming replacements seem vastly inferior to the likes of Cook, Palmer and Slabber. Several Dover rejects have been snapped up, including the woeful Nicky "can't pass water" Nicolau, Tom "aimless hollywood balls" Davis, Danny Webb, Sam Long and Leon Redwood. Ok, so some of them aren't that bad. But they're not the sort of players that will be pulling up any trees at this level.
Several other average journeyman have also signed. Kieron St Aimee (a joke figure at all of his previous clubs), Bertie Brayley (who hasn't scored goals for years) and Christian Smith (very unfavourable reviews from what I've seen online).
In amongst the dross have been a couple of decent signings though. Jeff Goulding should be an asset at this level, having racked up several football league appearances with Aldershot and Bournemouth. And Mark Hughes is another signing with enormous football league and leadership pedigree, but even us at Dover baulked at some of his wage demands when he trialled over here.
Other signings include two goalkeepers in Carl Pentney and the much-maligned Tommy Forecast, as well as midfielder Matt Lock rejoining the club following an exile in Australia.
Key Player = Mark Hughes. Will need to justify his big wages with big performances. The sort of on-field leader they need to marshall together a very renovated side.
Verdict = 10th. I envisage Chelmsford to be one of the biggest under achievers in the division, having seen the general calibre of player they have brought in. I hope not to mince my words 10 months down the line, but I can't see the majority of those players good enough to sustain a push for the top 5 spots.
Concord Rangers
But errrrr, the second biggest team on Canvey Island, with Benfleet being one of the biggest shitholes I've had the misfortune of visiting while supporting Dover, was not the top of my imagination. This is a club who seem to essentially be another nothing, village club who have somehow been financed up the leagues despite zero potential for growth being there.
How long their stay in the division lasts remains to be seen, but I suspect it won't be a long enduring one. Admittedly though, I know very little about the club; I hadn't even heard of them until a couple of years ago. They were a county league side as recently as 2007/08. I can only assume they're bankrolled to some extent to continuously rise up the leagues at the rate that they have, seeing as their fan-base is nearly non-existent.
Looking at their squad, there are a few noticeable players in their ranks. One of them is Sam Higgins, the former Chelmsford City striker. Another one is Paul Goodacre, who has joined from Hornchurch, amidst reported interest from Chris Kinnear when he rejoined Dover.
Other new recruits include Bradley Hamilton from Colchester, Jamie Butler from Met Police and Gary Ogilive, a signing from Canadian side FC London.
Key Player = Tony Stokes. A former West Ham youth product, who lists former Hungarian champions Upjest FC as his previous employers. He has apparently scored 78 goals from 124 appearances from central midfield for Concord, including the winning goal in their play-off semi-final against Wealdstone. Sounds like the sort of player we should be scouting really.
Verdict = 22th. A very lazy prediction, admittedly, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's the one that come back to bite me on the arse the most. But both Billericay and Hornchurch were immediately relegated despite both being promoted more convincingly than the 74 points Concord accumulated, so it's difficult to see what the difference between 'The Beachboys' and those two clubs will be.
Dorchester Town
However, any repeat of that success this time around is very unlikely. With their Supporter's Trust acquiring the majority control of the club this summer, a further reduced budget has been announced with a rumoured weekly wage bill of £2k meaning that they'll be operating on a very commendable tight-ship.
That, however, means that just simply surviving at this level has to be the target. Key players have since departed, including the highly-sought Kieffer Moore who moved to Championship side Yeovil for a fee. Midfielder Ashley Nichols has departed for Bromley while long-serving Nathan Walker has also exited the club to their fierce rivals Weymouth. The only two arrivals to date are Poole Town forward Jamie Beasley and former Truro goalkeeper Tim Sandercombe.
But the nucleus of a capable side remains and the only real concerns from their fans is the lack of squad depth and striking options, beyond the unknown Beasley and Ben Watson, who has a decent goals-to-game ratio with the club.
Key Player = Charlie Clough. The former Bristol Rovers defender is widely regarded as one of their best prospects, and most likely to join the likes of Moore and Hutchinson from previous seasons in moving onto a football league club. He's already notched 10 goals from 37 appearances according to wiki.
Verdict = 15th. Dorchester will continue to humble shit-or-bust merchants in the division, including ourselves. They won't replicate the same heights as last year but surviving the drop will a be success in itself given their budget.
Eastbourne Borough
There has not been too much activity in the Summer to suggest that they will be moving away from lower-table mediocrity any time soon though. The signing of Dover defender Ian Simpemba is hugely impressive for them, and will be an upgrade on the departure of fellow defender Anwar Uddin. For all his lack of pace, there are few better strong, natural leaders from the back like him at this level.
But defensively is not a department in which Eastbourne struggled badly in last season. It what their goal tally that was the main issue for the; their 42 goals scored was comfortably the fewest in the division. And little seems to have been done to address that problem; the only other new addition of note is Craig Ross, a goalkeeper from Cambridge United.
It's no wonder why they lack in the firepower department when you see how unambitious they were when they came to Crabble last season; running down a 93rd minute corner of theirs to waste time with the score still 0-0.
Key Player = Ian Simpemba. A bit of a lazy choice, I know. But you should stick to what you know. And Simpemba will have to be on the top of his game to stop Eastbourne from being in the thick of a relegation battle.
Verdict = 18th. Looking at their thin squad and the lack of quality striking options, it is difficult to see Eastbourne pushing on this season unless some new bodies are brought in. I wouldn't be too surprised to see them in another fight to avoid the bottom 3.
Eastleigh
Much more will be expected of them this time around, as the calibre of shit-or-bust signing has dramatically improved in the close season. Much needed firepower has arrived in the form of Ben Strevens, dropping into non-league for the first time in over 6 years following spells with Dagenham, Wycombe, Brentford and Gillingham. Yemi Odubade is another arrival, having played for several clubs in the Conference National and above, most recently of Gateshead. But most ridiculously of all is the signing of Stuart Fleetwood; the Luton Town striker who, only aged 27, is playing at least a division below his natural level. With some of their players rumoured to be on at least four figures it's no surprise they've managed to tempt him to drop a level....
And in supplying them they already have a midfield packed with creative talent with the likes of Jai Reason, Glen Southam (who although mainly a headless chicken for us, was the best player on the park in the PO 2nd leg), Craig McCallister, who have now been joined by conference national regulars in Will Evans and Jamie Collins, who join from Hereford and Forest Green Rovers respectively.
This is a team that has already addressed it's defensive frailties by bringing experienced defenders Chris Todd and Dean Beckwith in the earlier part of the year.
So a strong push for the title this season is the minimum expectation, and they will be aided by having the finances to plug any weaknesses throughout the campaign. It's quite depressing to see a nothing club with no potential look much better positioned to get promoted than us, but we have spunked enough money of our own over the past few years trying to get out of this division so we can only blame ourselves at our squandered chances.
Key Player = Stuart Fleetwood. Another obvious, stand-out choice. But let's be honest, the bloke should be scoring a shit-load of goals at this level. At least a 20-25 goal a season man should be remain injury-free and fit.
Verdict = 2nd. They will definitely start the season as favourites. But something is telling me that they will just fall short. I still think they looked there for the taking, defensively wise, over the course of the play-offs. Ross Flitney is still a calamity waiting to happen in goal and his deputy Jack Govey is even worse. We were saying exactly the same things about Eastleigh this time last year, so them winning the league might not just be the formality that everyone seems to be expect.
Ebbsfleet United
Because for as much as Brown's policy towards player recruitment has been incredibly lazy, they have still managed to assemble a squad that so far looks like it will be amongst the best in the division. To date he hasn't signed a player that he either A) hasn't coached before, B) hasn't impressed against Dover before and C) isn't a mate of a few of the players. But while his scouting network is obviously limited, it is probably working for the time being.
In addition to the 'Dover 5' that we all know about, there are various proven BSS quality players. Two of them are Chelmsford pair Aiden Palmer and Anthony Cook, the latter of whom I was hoping that we'd be in the contention to sign. Stacy Long has returned to the club via a few spells in the football league with Stevenage and AFC Wimbledon. Defender Osei Sankofa also has joined, previously impressing against us with Boreham Wood. Striker Michael Thallisitis has joined their attacking options, presumably because his clinical hat-trick against us for Boringwood back in 2011/12 has impressed Brown enough to sign him on a season long loan from Stevenage
Then there is the retention of some of their better players from last season. Four players who have previously won promotion for this level before with them, including England C goalkeeper and one time DAFC loanee Preston Edwards, defenders Joe Howe and Paul Lorraine, and highly-rated young midfielder Tom Phipp.
So there's obviously a lot of quality amongst their squad, with exception to the hilarious desperation signings of Shane Huke & Michael Corcoron; both a waste of time in Brown's time at Crabble. Their starting eleven certainly looks strong at least anyway.
Their fans just have to hope that the Steve Brown pally pally approach to coaching with all 'his boys' pays off. While some seem to regard him as an excellent coach, he will have a lot to do to prove that he wasn't a key component of the underachievement we suffered under Forster when he was his assistant.
Fortunately for Brown though, unlike Forster he has a much more experienced and knowledgeable assistant to turn to in the need for help, in the form of Steve Gritt; the mastermind behind Brighton's miraculous escape from dropping into conference football wilderness in the mid 90's.
Key Player = Billy Bricknell. While most of us were not overly tearful to see the striker depart Crabble, he clearly has a point to prove and will benefit from getting regular football. He has been on fire in pre-season, scoring 8 goals in the past 5 outings, suggesting that he'll probably go on to score a hatful for them. We've seen the talent from him in spells, he just needs to score goals on a more consistent basis rather than continuously alternating from a hot streak into a drought.
Verdict = 3rd. While I'm obviously hoping that Brown continues the underachieving, "2nd best is acceptable" that we saw at Crabble, I think he has too many good players to mess this one up too catastrophically. I can't see them being right amidst in the title fight but they should finish in the top 5, with or without Brown. Then again, we said that with previous squads at Crabble....
Farnborough
But, as it has emerged over the past 24 hours, PR publicity whore gambling company Paddy Power have offered a 6 figure fee to sponsor the club. Only in return, all of Farnborough's existing players have had to change their names by deed poll to the names of legendary footballers. In some sort of "wacky" scheme by the bookmakers which brings further shame and mockery at football at this level, meaning it is impossible to take clubs and fans seriously. Football has died just a little bit more today.
 |
| Sadly, you couldn't quite make this up. |
As for on the field footballing issues; Farnborough should more than comfortably hold their own in the division, as a side that accumulated 64 points last season when you don't factor in the points deductions. They have some experienced, previously successful players at this level in the likes of Alan "Alan Hansen" Inns, Elvis "Pele" Hammond, Adam "Paulo Maldini" Doyle and Kevin "Gordon Banks" Scriven.
Until the embargo is lifted though it will probably prevent convicted fraudster Spencer "Jose Mourinho" Day from progressing them further up the table.
Key Player = Scott "David Beckham" Donnelly. The midfielder, still only 25, has plenty of football league appearances with Aldershot, Swansea and Wycombe Wanderers. Should be a class act at this level.
Verdict = 13th. It's impossible to predict with Farnborough, as you never know the latest circus that is about to unfold in front of you with them. I'll play it on the safe side and predict a mid-table finish, but they have a lot of players in their squad capable of achieving better, as we saw in the 5-2 pasting they dished us last season.
Gosport Borough
Yet again this is another club that will very much be an unknown quantity, but from what I have heard they are a side who persist with very direct, agricultural football that picks them up a lot of results, particularly efficient on an apparently awful, bumpy pitch at their Privett Park home.
In order to prepare for life at this level they have brought in conference south experience from fellow Hampshire sides in the form of Sam Pearce and Andy Forbes, via Havant and Eastleigh respectively. Other new additions include Gareth Barfoot and Mike Gosney (feasting on the carcass of AFC Totton), Jonny Brogden (Chelmsford) Jack Barton (Aldershot) and Ricardo Viana from the exotically-named Portuguese side Associação Desportiva de Grijó. Could be an interesting one.
I'll be honest, I hadn't even heard of Gosport until the final few months of the season. For some reason I initally thought they were based near Oxfordshire somewhere around the Didcot area. But this should hopefully be a trip that has maximum away day potential, since it has become aware that if you're not going via road, the only way you can get there from Portsmouth is by a ferry service. So although Gosport itself is apparently known as a bit of a dive, hopefully this will go some way to filling the void left by Truro City. So it's a bloody good job then that we're the first ones to test it out, starting this Saturday. Can't wait.
Key Player = Sammy Igoe. Experienced 37 year old midfielder who won promotion with them last season, he's so ancient that he probably still remembers the Falklands War. Having made over 300 appearances in the football league with the likes of Bournemouth and Bristol Rovers, he should still be able to be a key performer and influence for them even if his legs are starting to fade.
Verdict = 20th. I know, I know, yet another stereotypical and lazy prediction by me; tipping 2 of the newly promoted sides to go straight back down. I think that Hornchurch and Billericay have made me lose faith in the newbies. Gosport only gained 70 points in their promotion season - a fairly moderate tally which suggests there is still quite a gulf in class they'll have to adapt to. I won't be surprised if they do stay up - and if they do shock us on the opening day, but I should think they'll be amongst those battling the drop at the very least.
Havant & Waterlooville
Verdict = 20th. I know, I know, yet another stereotypical and lazy prediction by me; tipping 2 of the newly promoted sides to go straight back down. I think that Hornchurch and Billericay have made me lose faith in the newbies. Gosport only gained 70 points in their promotion season - a fairly moderate tally which suggests there is still quite a gulf in class they'll have to adapt to. I won't be surprised if they do stay up - and if they do shock us on the opening day, but I should think they'll be amongst those battling the drop at the very least.
Havant & Waterlooville
It seems like every single season since their infamous FA Cup run of 2007-2008 - which saw them lead twice at Anfield in the Fourth Round before succumbing to a 5-2 defeat - Havant have been tipped to push on for promotion in every subsequent season. But a string of disappointing finishes under Shaun Gale was followed up with a dull, but comfortable season under new manager Lee Bradbury last time out. But their 10th placed finish doesn't tell a true story; Havant were one of the strongest teams in 2013, only losing 4 of their final 22 games since the turn of the year.
So this time round, there seems like genuinely strong grounds that they can follow up last season's consolidation by pushing on for a play-off spot. They have undoubtedly been hampered by the sale of last season's top marksman Olly Palmer, with the 25-goal man earning a move to football league Mansfield. But should they use their funds to replace him well, they also possess a quality striker partner in Sahr Kabba, who should score a lot more goals this year following an injury-hit season after his move from Weston.
A number of signings have been made in an attempt to turn them into play-off contenders. Dennis Oli, the former Gillingscum winger/striker, arrives from Wycombe, having previously had much success at this level with Grays. Scott Bevan will take place between the sticks, with a wealth of football league experience under his belt with the likes of Torquay and Bristol Rovers. Danny Blanchett is a defender with similar FL pedigree, arriving from Cambridge City after spells with Peterborough, Burton and Crewe. Other acquisitions include winger Nic Cardiani from Farnborough, plus Bournemouth youngster Dan Strugnell and Kieran Weekes from county league side Welwyn Garden City.
Key Player = Christian Nanetti. Nippy, tricky winger with a huge penchant for taking theatrical tumbles in order to win penalties. Has apparently attracted interest from higher up the pyramid.
Verdict = 6th. I'm getting bored of predicting it every single year only for them to never live up to expectations, but this time around I'm pretty confident that they'll be in genuine contention for the play-off mix.
Hayes & Yeading United
The main ongoing issue with Hayes is their homelessness; they were due to move into their new redeveloped home at Yeading's old ground site at The Warren. However, the whole thing still looks nowhere near completion and most fans will be completely unsurprised if they remain at Kingfield for the whole season, as patience with their owners has reached breaking point.
On the field, they will be looking for a bit more stability this season; a string of different managers last time round meant that they only narrowly avoided the drop, following some heavy defeats including a 7-1 reverse at lowly Staines.
So they have appointed Phil Babb; the former Liverpool and ROI defender - most infamous for smashing his gonads against the post while trying to clear Pielugi Casigari's goal-bound effort in a match against Chelsea.
Had to post it, didn't I?
Normally I am sceptical against non-league clubs appointing big name former pros with very little or no experience in the non-league game. However, I think he'll buck the trend of catastrophic failures like Nicky Forster & as thus far, his summer haul of players include a decent catalogue of players.
Kingstonian pair Tom Bird and Szymon Sidorowicz have been raided. Cambridge United defender Charlie Wassmer has joined following trials for football league clubs, as has Hampton defender Dean Inman after impressing with Farnborough last season. Two-time DAFC triallist Luke Medley bolsters their ranks, as does Watford youngster Kamaron English. And most impressively of all, former Dover fans favourite Mikhael Jaimes-Ruiz is on trial there and seems set to join.
In terms of outgoings, Osei Sankofa and goalkeeper Brandon Hall have paired up to join Ebbsfleet, while Tom Cadmore has joined Whitehawk.
Key Player = Stefan Cox. The winger counts Fleetwood and Hyde amongst his most recent employers - he will be looking to reignite his career in the more civilised south.
Verdict = 11th. I think Hayes will surprise a few people and finish in the upper half - most people seem to be envisaging a relegation battle for them. But they're in a prime location for attracting decent players and their new signings should be more than capable of competing.
Maidenhead United
Fresh from being reprieved after their 20th placed finish in 2010/2011; Maidenhead followed up their lifeline handed to them by using it wisely by errrr, finishing last season in 19th, beating the drop by a solitary point. So it seems difficult to imagine anything other than another season of struggle for the Berkshire outfit, as signings thus far don't suggest a huge area of improvement.
It wasn't all doom and gloom for the Magpies though; their goal difference of minus four was the second best in the bottom half of the table and by some comfortable distance. So it would suggest that the margins between failure and non failure here are very thin; indeed, a total of 14 of their 24 defeats were by singular goal margins.
But very little proven quality has been added to extinguish that narrow line. Amongst their recent recruits include unproven Latvian goalkeeper Elvis Putnins from Woking, striker Michael Malcolm (Whitehawk), who has a undesirable goal record with other clubs at this level, and Essex pair Danny Green and Adrian Clifton from the two different Thurrock clubs. The former you may remember from his unsuccessful loan spell at Crabble two seasons ago.
Couple that with the departures of their better players like Derek Duncan, Joe Tabiri and David Pratt, it could be the year we finally wave goodbye to one of the division's best away days.
Key Player = Michael Pook. I might as well recycle the same entry from last year. Experienced midfielder, with a wealth of football league appearance under his belt, he will need to lead by example in the midst of another dogfight.
Verdict = 21st. I hope they stay up, I really do. But at the moment I'd say they're a prime contender for the drop. Giving Hippolyte the boot following a lengthy, but stagnating, spell in charge of the club could do them the world of good.
Staines Town
Staines will once again be among everyone's prime contenders for the drop again next season, having once again narrowly avoided it last year in 18th place, and will now have to deal with the loss of star player David Wheeler to football league Exeter City.
Good news for them though is the return of striker Louis Theophanous, who was in red-hot form for them before Bromley snared him away for a fee. They now have him back on a free; some excellent bit of business by them.
He hasn't been joined by many other new arrivals though. Huw Johnson arrives from AFC Wimbledon, with manager Marcus Gayle using his close ties with the club to tie up a deal for the youngster midfielder. The only other publicised arrival to date is another midfielder in James McShane, who has joined from Ryman South side Walton Casuals.
Key Player = Jerel Ifil. Wikipedia still has him listed down as a squad player. And if so, I'm surprised to see him down at this level as he was a regular with Swindon not long back.
Verdict = 19th. Each year it seems that Staines start the season looking like relegation certainties, only to put together a late run and worm their way out of it. Which is a shame, as we could do with flushing out some of the London overspill tinpot shite out. It doesn't help that they always seem to bloody beat us as well. We've not won against them at Crabble in their last 5 visits.
Sutton United
This time last year, I predicted both Eastleigh and Sutton to finish in the top 2. That never actually materialised, mainly because Sutton endured a dreadful start to the season that saw them fail to win in any of their opening 11 fixtures.
That would cost them dear in the end, as a monstrous run towards the end of the season which saw them win their final 8 games, meant that they only finished 2 points adrift of the play-off zone.
So this time around, they go into the new season with full optimism that they should sustain a serious title challenge this time around. The team's form improved in the back end of last campaign when they brought in Bromley captain Ali Fusieni, while previously misfiring striker Marvin Williams began finding the net left, right and centre.
A strong squad has been further improved, particularly in attack. Jamie Slabber arrives from Chelmsford City, having scored 23 league goals for them last season. An in-box predator, there are few better at what he does in this league and they now have a regular sources of goals. He's joined by fellow forward Jamie Taylor, the much travelled forward to arrives having been Lincoln's top goalscorer in the league above last season.
Right-back Mitchell Nelson arrives from probable title rivals Eastleigh having been glowingly endorsed by their supporters. As does team-mate Dale Binns; the odious shit having won promotion from this level several times before.
The best bit of business overall though was probably retaining the services of highly rated youngster Harry Beautyman, who was expected to join a pro club this summer. That never materialised though, so the attacking midfielder remains influential to their plans.
Key Player = Craig Dundas Supporter's POTS last year, the attacking midfield/forward should have more competition for his place this season. But expect the absolute tank to continue to give brittle defences a nightmare.
Verdict = 1st In a reverse of last year, I am tipping Sutton to be this season's Conference South winners. I think they will have a slight edge over Eastleigh in that Paul Doswell is a manager with league winning experience. They are strong in all areas of the pitch - their 49 goals conceded last season was the fifth lowest total in the league, and should tighten up even further this year. Anything less than a strong promotion push should be considered a disappointment. If it boils down to a race between them, Eastleigh and Ebbsfleet, then all I can say is "g'won the amber and brown boyz".
Tonbridge Angels
There are big changes at plucky tinpot twats Tunbridge this summer, with several big-earning departures in the wake of a bitterly disappointing campaign, which saw a flirt with relegation almost turned into a fall-blown affair, only for danger to be fully averted with the last few weeks. This after I had laughably tipped them for a play-off spot, which was undoubtedly my weakest prediction from last year.
Among the departures include the extremely unambitious Frannie Collin, who has joined on-the-rise neighbours Maidstone United, along with goalkeeper Lee Worgan, who arguably single-handedly preserved their status at this level last season. Former Dovorian Olly Schulz has also moved on, with the lanky defender being cited as a big contributing factor towards their shitness, due to his complete lack of pace. Waste-of-space Tom Davis has also left the club, paving the way for much better replacements in the middle.
While some will be hoping these departures will effect them enough to kick-start a descendence towards their ryman league level, I think this will be the breath of fresh air they need following the under-performance of last year, save for their famous two cup final victories over the might Dover Athletic.
Lee Worgan has been well replaced with Havant goalkeeper Clark Masters; the tall, gingerian seems to always play a blinder against us which is why it confuses me that he never seems to settle at a club. Former youth prospect Luke Blewden, son of DAFC legend Colin, has returned via a spell in the lower leagues with Crawley Down Gatwick, and has apparently looked lively in their pre-season campaign. Ex Premier League defender Gary Borrowdale has put pen to paper; after struggling with injury for a few years; the ex-Palace defender should be class at this level should he remain fit. Defensive midfielder Phillip Appiah should provide steel following his move from Eastleigh.
Best of all though they have signed former Crystal Palace striker Nathaniel Pinney, who scored 22 goals for relegated Ryman Premier side Carshalton last season. I was really hoping CK would take a punt on the stocky striker, so we're just going to have to hope we're not missing out on too much and that he can't hack it at this level. His attributes would suggest he's more than capable to be a hit, though.
They will also be pleased to retain the services of POTS Henry Muggeridge, amid rumoured interest from Dartford for the young full-back.
Key Player = David Ijaha. I have no idea how the tenacious midfielder has got on for them since bagging the winner at Crabble on NYD, but he certainly looked more than useful in that fixture. A recent arrival from St Albans at that point.
Verdict = 14th. I think they'll be fine. Whether the petty Dover fan inside me wants to think differently is another matter. Like I say, they should improve now that some of the complacency has gone.
Weston Super Mare.
The Seagulls were one of the main success stories of 2012/2013. On a very modest budget, they spent the majority of the season inside the play-off zone, only to fall just short in the last final couple of games. Still, finishing 7th was a great effort by Craig Laird's men. But whether they'll be able to replicate those feats next season is a totally different matter.
For starters, one of their best players in Ross Stearn has been poached by more wealthier nearby Bath City. Whether they can sustain that momentum into another full season is a big ask; particularly in a league that looks set to be a lot stronger next season.
Still, as long as they're in Craig Laird's hands, they should have no worries about competing at this level. He continues to produce great results on a shoestring budget, that it's a surprise that no bigger clubs have considered into him yet.
Their only signing to date is Louis Feeley; a young midfielder signed following his release from Hereford United.
Key Player = Dayle Grubb. The 22 year old is regarded as one of their most creative talents having risen through their youth ranks, and is expected to move onto bigger things.
Verdict = 16th. My moderate placing of Weston might be a little bit unfair and more based on expecting a club of their size to drop lower to around their level, but even still, a lower half yet safe finish is more than respectable given their resources.
Whitehawk
And last but not least; we end this preview on the other new addition to the league - a bankrolled village outfit that are so pointless that they make Boreham Wood's existence appear meaningful. Yes, it is Whitehawk, a club that play on the outskirts of Brighton on what is supposedly a roped off field with a few tin sheds scattered about. This is a club - that if you take aside the local derby with Lewes and promotion clash against main rival Lowestoft - only managed to average a paltry 166 in their straight forward passage through the Ryman Premier at the first attempt.
Still, these newbies will at least provide a good piss-up in Brighton. But I imagine the novelty of that will wear off when we see how little they offer to the division, at least off the field anyway.
On the field they will be looking to continue their rise up the leagues. Quite who knows why I don't know - there is more potential of me finding a girlfriend than there is of Whitehawk, who unsuccessfully tried changing their name to Brighton City in order to attract greater appeal to the masses - of ever becoming a decent sized NL club. Particularly with BHA on a huge rise.
Their 88 point haul in winning the Ryman Premier should hold them in good stead. They have wasted no time in improving their squad. Jake Robinson, a former football league striker with BHA, Northampton, Shrewsbury and others, has dropped down the leagues at the tender age of 26. Former Port Vale captain and former Dover target Tommy Fraser has rejoined the club, following a brief emigration to Australia. Dartford defender Richard Rose turned down a new deal for some of their new wealth, while Tom Cadmore (Hayes), Lewis Taylor (Kingstonian) and Alex Parsons (Nike Academy) are also new members of their swuad
But most eye catchingly of all, they have secured the services of Blackburn Portuguese youngster Edinho Junior on a month loan, who only joined the 1995 Premier League champions last season.
This is in addition to an already strong squad, littered with experience like former Crystal Palace captain Matt Lawrence, ex-Newport and Luton midfielder Charlie Henry, and former Dover impact substitute extraordinaire Jerahl Hughes. There are several other players with formed BHA ties as you'd expect, including striker Sam Gargan, who has netted 23 times in 47 appearances.
Key Player = Joe Keehan. Remember him, Dover fans? You should do. This is the tidy midfielder who absolutely tore us apart in that infamous 6-2 Boxing Day defeat at Lewes in 2009.
Verdict = 4th. They should definitely be looking to make an immediate impact and have the momentum to go into the new season strong. Some think they'll be this year's major disappointment, but looking at the strength of that squad, they should be aiming for a play-off spot.
Which leaves me with my final predicted table.......
1. Sutton United
2. Eastleigh
3. Ebbsfleet United
4. Whitehawk
5. Boreham Wood
6. Havant & Waterlooville
7. Dover Athletic
8. Bath City
9. Basingstoke Town
10. Chelmsford City
11. Hayes & Yeading
12. Bishop's Stortford
13. Farnborough
14. Tonbridge Angels
15. Dorchester Town
16. Weston-Super-Mare
17. Bromley
18. Eastbourne Borough
19. Staines Town
20. Gosport Borough
21. Maidenhead United
22. Concord Rangers
So here we conclude yet another exciting, enthralling and incredibly insightful season preview from moi, in which I have used the power of all google, wikipedia and club forums in a desperate to search to write stuff that I can pretend I have good knowledge about.
Last year my predictions were not entirely shabby. I correctly guessed the finishes of both Truro City and Boreham Wood, although I expect no prizes for the former! I also had ourselves, Chelmsford, Bath, Havant and Hornchurch from within 1 or 2 places of their final positions. In total, I only guessed at 5 teams being in the wrong half of their eventual destination.
My main shockers were with Tonbridge, who's play-off push never materialised as they floundered in 16th. I only guessed 1st and 2nd placed Welling/Salisbury as 6th/11th, while Weston fared a lot better (7th) than my 18th placed guess.
It's all part of the parcel and fun of prediction though, innit.
I will now leave you on my predictions for the top 5 English leagues. Again, this will mainly be for my own benefit and amusement to look back on 9 months time, but feel free to have a butchers if you want. Thanks for reading the blog, I hope you all have a good Christmas.
Premier League:
1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester City
4. Arsenal
5. Tottenham
6. Liverpool
7. Swansea City
8. West Ham
9. Everton
10. Norwich City
11. Cardiff City
12. West Brom
13. Newcastle United
14. Southampton
15. Sunderland
16. Aston Villa
17. Fulham
18. Hull City
19. Stoke City
20. Crystal Palace
Championship: (Attempting to not allow the opening 2 games to not detract from my initial thoughts!)
1. QPR
2. Wigan
3. Nottingham Forest
4. Bolton Wanderers
5. Reading
6. Leicester City
7. Watford
8. Leeds United
9. Brighton HA
10. Ipswich Town
11. Middlesbrough
12. Blackburn Rovers
13. Derby County
14. Huddersfield Town
15. Burnley
16. Bournemouth
17. Sheffield Wednesday
18. Barnsley
19. Birmingham City
20. Doncaster Rovers
21. Charlton Athletic
22. Yeovil Town
23. Blackpool
24. Millwall
League One:
1. Brentford
2. Peterborough
3. Bristol City
4. Wolves
5. Preston North End
6. MK Dons
7. Swindon Town
8. Walsall
9. Sheffield United
10. Rotherham United
11. Bradford City
12. Tranmere Rovers
13. Port Vale
14. Leyton Orient
15. Gillingham
16. Crawley Town
17. Stevenage
18. Oldham Athletic
19. Notts County
20. Crewe Alex
21. Colchester United
22. Shrewsbury
23. Coventry City
24. Carlisle United
League 2
1. Fleetwood
2. Chesterfield
3. Oxford United
4. Bristol Rovers
5. Cheltenham Town
6. Northampton
7. Wycombe Wanderers
8. Rochdale
9. Portsmouth
10. Scunthorpe United
11. Burton Albion
12. Southend United
13. Mansfield Town
14. Plymouth Arygle (although having seen them since, I'd say bottom 6 again will be more accurate!)
15. Newport County
16. Exeter City
17. Bury
18. York City
19. Torquay United
20. Accrington Stanley
21. Hartlepool United
22. Morecambe
23. Dagenham and Redbridge
24. AFC Wimbledon
Conference Premier:
1. Kidderminster Harriers
2. Forest Green Rovers
3. Wrexham
4. Luton Town
5. Cambridge United
6. Barnet
7. Chester
8. Grimsby Town
9. Hereford United
10. Braintree Town
11. Woking
12. Welling United
13. Gateshead
14. Dartford
15. Alfreton Town
16. FC Halifax
17. Lincoln City
18. Macclesfield Town
19. Hyde
20. Salisbury City
21. Southport
22. Aldershot Town
23. Tamworth
24. Nuneaton Town
So this time round, there seems like genuinely strong grounds that they can follow up last season's consolidation by pushing on for a play-off spot. They have undoubtedly been hampered by the sale of last season's top marksman Olly Palmer, with the 25-goal man earning a move to football league Mansfield. But should they use their funds to replace him well, they also possess a quality striker partner in Sahr Kabba, who should score a lot more goals this year following an injury-hit season after his move from Weston.
A number of signings have been made in an attempt to turn them into play-off contenders. Dennis Oli, the former Gillingscum winger/striker, arrives from Wycombe, having previously had much success at this level with Grays. Scott Bevan will take place between the sticks, with a wealth of football league experience under his belt with the likes of Torquay and Bristol Rovers. Danny Blanchett is a defender with similar FL pedigree, arriving from Cambridge City after spells with Peterborough, Burton and Crewe. Other acquisitions include winger Nic Cardiani from Farnborough, plus Bournemouth youngster Dan Strugnell and Kieran Weekes from county league side Welwyn Garden City.
Key Player = Christian Nanetti. Nippy, tricky winger with a huge penchant for taking theatrical tumbles in order to win penalties. Has apparently attracted interest from higher up the pyramid.
Verdict = 6th. I'm getting bored of predicting it every single year only for them to never live up to expectations, but this time around I'm pretty confident that they'll be in genuine contention for the play-off mix.
Hayes & Yeading United
On the field, they will be looking for a bit more stability this season; a string of different managers last time round meant that they only narrowly avoided the drop, following some heavy defeats including a 7-1 reverse at lowly Staines.
So they have appointed Phil Babb; the former Liverpool and ROI defender - most infamous for smashing his gonads against the post while trying to clear Pielugi Casigari's goal-bound effort in a match against Chelsea.
Had to post it, didn't I?
Normally I am sceptical against non-league clubs appointing big name former pros with very little or no experience in the non-league game. However, I think he'll buck the trend of catastrophic failures like Nicky Forster & as thus far, his summer haul of players include a decent catalogue of players.
Kingstonian pair Tom Bird and Szymon Sidorowicz have been raided. Cambridge United defender Charlie Wassmer has joined following trials for football league clubs, as has Hampton defender Dean Inman after impressing with Farnborough last season. Two-time DAFC triallist Luke Medley bolsters their ranks, as does Watford youngster Kamaron English. And most impressively of all, former Dover fans favourite Mikhael Jaimes-Ruiz is on trial there and seems set to join.
In terms of outgoings, Osei Sankofa and goalkeeper Brandon Hall have paired up to join Ebbsfleet, while Tom Cadmore has joined Whitehawk.
Key Player = Stefan Cox. The winger counts Fleetwood and Hyde amongst his most recent employers - he will be looking to reignite his career in the more civilised south.
Verdict = 11th. I think Hayes will surprise a few people and finish in the upper half - most people seem to be envisaging a relegation battle for them. But they're in a prime location for attracting decent players and their new signings should be more than capable of competing.
Maidenhead United
Fresh from being reprieved after their 20th placed finish in 2010/2011; Maidenhead followed up their lifeline handed to them by using it wisely by errrr, finishing last season in 19th, beating the drop by a solitary point. So it seems difficult to imagine anything other than another season of struggle for the Berkshire outfit, as signings thus far don't suggest a huge area of improvement.
It wasn't all doom and gloom for the Magpies though; their goal difference of minus four was the second best in the bottom half of the table and by some comfortable distance. So it would suggest that the margins between failure and non failure here are very thin; indeed, a total of 14 of their 24 defeats were by singular goal margins.
But very little proven quality has been added to extinguish that narrow line. Amongst their recent recruits include unproven Latvian goalkeeper Elvis Putnins from Woking, striker Michael Malcolm (Whitehawk), who has a undesirable goal record with other clubs at this level, and Essex pair Danny Green and Adrian Clifton from the two different Thurrock clubs. The former you may remember from his unsuccessful loan spell at Crabble two seasons ago.
Couple that with the departures of their better players like Derek Duncan, Joe Tabiri and David Pratt, it could be the year we finally wave goodbye to one of the division's best away days.
Key Player = Michael Pook. I might as well recycle the same entry from last year. Experienced midfielder, with a wealth of football league appearance under his belt, he will need to lead by example in the midst of another dogfight.
Verdict = 21st. I hope they stay up, I really do. But at the moment I'd say they're a prime contender for the drop. Giving Hippolyte the boot following a lengthy, but stagnating, spell in charge of the club could do them the world of good.
Staines Town
Good news for them though is the return of striker Louis Theophanous, who was in red-hot form for them before Bromley snared him away for a fee. They now have him back on a free; some excellent bit of business by them.
He hasn't been joined by many other new arrivals though. Huw Johnson arrives from AFC Wimbledon, with manager Marcus Gayle using his close ties with the club to tie up a deal for the youngster midfielder. The only other publicised arrival to date is another midfielder in James McShane, who has joined from Ryman South side Walton Casuals.
Key Player = Jerel Ifil. Wikipedia still has him listed down as a squad player. And if so, I'm surprised to see him down at this level as he was a regular with Swindon not long back.
Verdict = 19th. Each year it seems that Staines start the season looking like relegation certainties, only to put together a late run and worm their way out of it. Which is a shame, as we could do with flushing out some of the London overspill tinpot shite out. It doesn't help that they always seem to bloody beat us as well. We've not won against them at Crabble in their last 5 visits.
Sutton United
That would cost them dear in the end, as a monstrous run towards the end of the season which saw them win their final 8 games, meant that they only finished 2 points adrift of the play-off zone.
So this time around, they go into the new season with full optimism that they should sustain a serious title challenge this time around. The team's form improved in the back end of last campaign when they brought in Bromley captain Ali Fusieni, while previously misfiring striker Marvin Williams began finding the net left, right and centre.
A strong squad has been further improved, particularly in attack. Jamie Slabber arrives from Chelmsford City, having scored 23 league goals for them last season. An in-box predator, there are few better at what he does in this league and they now have a regular sources of goals. He's joined by fellow forward Jamie Taylor, the much travelled forward to arrives having been Lincoln's top goalscorer in the league above last season.
Right-back Mitchell Nelson arrives from probable title rivals Eastleigh having been glowingly endorsed by their supporters. As does team-mate Dale Binns; the odious shit having won promotion from this level several times before.
The best bit of business overall though was probably retaining the services of highly rated youngster Harry Beautyman, who was expected to join a pro club this summer. That never materialised though, so the attacking midfielder remains influential to their plans.
Key Player = Craig Dundas Supporter's POTS last year, the attacking midfield/forward should have more competition for his place this season. But expect the absolute tank to continue to give brittle defences a nightmare.
Verdict = 1st In a reverse of last year, I am tipping Sutton to be this season's Conference South winners. I think they will have a slight edge over Eastleigh in that Paul Doswell is a manager with league winning experience. They are strong in all areas of the pitch - their 49 goals conceded last season was the fifth lowest total in the league, and should tighten up even further this year. Anything less than a strong promotion push should be considered a disappointment. If it boils down to a race between them, Eastleigh and Ebbsfleet, then all I can say is "g'won the amber and brown boyz".
Tonbridge Angels
Among the departures include the extremely unambitious Frannie Collin, who has joined on-the-rise neighbours Maidstone United, along with goalkeeper Lee Worgan, who arguably single-handedly preserved their status at this level last season. Former Dovorian Olly Schulz has also moved on, with the lanky defender being cited as a big contributing factor towards their shitness, due to his complete lack of pace. Waste-of-space Tom Davis has also left the club, paving the way for much better replacements in the middle.
While some will be hoping these departures will effect them enough to kick-start a descendence towards their ryman league level, I think this will be the breath of fresh air they need following the under-performance of last year, save for their famous two cup final victories over the might Dover Athletic.
Lee Worgan has been well replaced with Havant goalkeeper Clark Masters; the tall, gingerian seems to always play a blinder against us which is why it confuses me that he never seems to settle at a club. Former youth prospect Luke Blewden, son of DAFC legend Colin, has returned via a spell in the lower leagues with Crawley Down Gatwick, and has apparently looked lively in their pre-season campaign. Ex Premier League defender Gary Borrowdale has put pen to paper; after struggling with injury for a few years; the ex-Palace defender should be class at this level should he remain fit. Defensive midfielder Phillip Appiah should provide steel following his move from Eastleigh.
Best of all though they have signed former Crystal Palace striker Nathaniel Pinney, who scored 22 goals for relegated Ryman Premier side Carshalton last season. I was really hoping CK would take a punt on the stocky striker, so we're just going to have to hope we're not missing out on too much and that he can't hack it at this level. His attributes would suggest he's more than capable to be a hit, though.
They will also be pleased to retain the services of POTS Henry Muggeridge, amid rumoured interest from Dartford for the young full-back.
Key Player = David Ijaha. I have no idea how the tenacious midfielder has got on for them since bagging the winner at Crabble on NYD, but he certainly looked more than useful in that fixture. A recent arrival from St Albans at that point.
Verdict = 14th. I think they'll be fine. Whether the petty Dover fan inside me wants to think differently is another matter. Like I say, they should improve now that some of the complacency has gone.
Weston Super Mare.
For starters, one of their best players in Ross Stearn has been poached by more wealthier nearby Bath City. Whether they can sustain that momentum into another full season is a big ask; particularly in a league that looks set to be a lot stronger next season.
Still, as long as they're in Craig Laird's hands, they should have no worries about competing at this level. He continues to produce great results on a shoestring budget, that it's a surprise that no bigger clubs have considered into him yet.
Their only signing to date is Louis Feeley; a young midfielder signed following his release from Hereford United.
Key Player = Dayle Grubb. The 22 year old is regarded as one of their most creative talents having risen through their youth ranks, and is expected to move onto bigger things.
Verdict = 16th. My moderate placing of Weston might be a little bit unfair and more based on expecting a club of their size to drop lower to around their level, but even still, a lower half yet safe finish is more than respectable given their resources.
Whitehawk
Still, these newbies will at least provide a good piss-up in Brighton. But I imagine the novelty of that will wear off when we see how little they offer to the division, at least off the field anyway.
On the field they will be looking to continue their rise up the leagues. Quite who knows why I don't know - there is more potential of me finding a girlfriend than there is of Whitehawk, who unsuccessfully tried changing their name to Brighton City in order to attract greater appeal to the masses - of ever becoming a decent sized NL club. Particularly with BHA on a huge rise.
Their 88 point haul in winning the Ryman Premier should hold them in good stead. They have wasted no time in improving their squad. Jake Robinson, a former football league striker with BHA, Northampton, Shrewsbury and others, has dropped down the leagues at the tender age of 26. Former Port Vale captain and former Dover target Tommy Fraser has rejoined the club, following a brief emigration to Australia. Dartford defender Richard Rose turned down a new deal for some of their new wealth, while Tom Cadmore (Hayes), Lewis Taylor (Kingstonian) and Alex Parsons (Nike Academy) are also new members of their swuad
But most eye catchingly of all, they have secured the services of Blackburn Portuguese youngster Edinho Junior on a month loan, who only joined the 1995 Premier League champions last season.
This is in addition to an already strong squad, littered with experience like former Crystal Palace captain Matt Lawrence, ex-Newport and Luton midfielder Charlie Henry, and former Dover impact substitute extraordinaire Jerahl Hughes. There are several other players with formed BHA ties as you'd expect, including striker Sam Gargan, who has netted 23 times in 47 appearances.
Key Player = Joe Keehan. Remember him, Dover fans? You should do. This is the tidy midfielder who absolutely tore us apart in that infamous 6-2 Boxing Day defeat at Lewes in 2009.
Verdict = 4th. They should definitely be looking to make an immediate impact and have the momentum to go into the new season strong. Some think they'll be this year's major disappointment, but looking at the strength of that squad, they should be aiming for a play-off spot.
Which leaves me with my final predicted table.......
1. Sutton United
2. Eastleigh
3. Ebbsfleet United
4. Whitehawk
5. Boreham Wood
6. Havant & Waterlooville
7. Dover Athletic
8. Bath City
9. Basingstoke Town
10. Chelmsford City
11. Hayes & Yeading
12. Bishop's Stortford
13. Farnborough
14. Tonbridge Angels
15. Dorchester Town
16. Weston-Super-Mare
17. Bromley
18. Eastbourne Borough
19. Staines Town
20. Gosport Borough
21. Maidenhead United
22. Concord Rangers
So here we conclude yet another exciting, enthralling and incredibly insightful season preview from moi, in which I have used the power of all google, wikipedia and club forums in a desperate to search to write stuff that I can pretend I have good knowledge about.
Last year my predictions were not entirely shabby. I correctly guessed the finishes of both Truro City and Boreham Wood, although I expect no prizes for the former! I also had ourselves, Chelmsford, Bath, Havant and Hornchurch from within 1 or 2 places of their final positions. In total, I only guessed at 5 teams being in the wrong half of their eventual destination.
My main shockers were with Tonbridge, who's play-off push never materialised as they floundered in 16th. I only guessed 1st and 2nd placed Welling/Salisbury as 6th/11th, while Weston fared a lot better (7th) than my 18th placed guess.
It's all part of the parcel and fun of prediction though, innit.
I will now leave you on my predictions for the top 5 English leagues. Again, this will mainly be for my own benefit and amusement to look back on 9 months time, but feel free to have a butchers if you want. Thanks for reading the blog, I hope you all have a good Christmas.
Premier League:
1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester City
4. Arsenal
5. Tottenham
6. Liverpool
7. Swansea City
8. West Ham
9. Everton
10. Norwich City
11. Cardiff City
12. West Brom
13. Newcastle United
14. Southampton
15. Sunderland
16. Aston Villa
17. Fulham
18. Hull City
19. Stoke City
20. Crystal Palace
Championship: (Attempting to not allow the opening 2 games to not detract from my initial thoughts!)
1. QPR
2. Wigan
3. Nottingham Forest
4. Bolton Wanderers
5. Reading
6. Leicester City
7. Watford
8. Leeds United
9. Brighton HA
10. Ipswich Town
11. Middlesbrough
12. Blackburn Rovers
13. Derby County
14. Huddersfield Town
15. Burnley
16. Bournemouth
17. Sheffield Wednesday
18. Barnsley
19. Birmingham City
20. Doncaster Rovers
21. Charlton Athletic
22. Yeovil Town
23. Blackpool
24. Millwall
League One:
1. Brentford
2. Peterborough
3. Bristol City
4. Wolves
5. Preston North End
6. MK Dons
7. Swindon Town
8. Walsall
9. Sheffield United
10. Rotherham United
11. Bradford City
12. Tranmere Rovers
13. Port Vale
14. Leyton Orient
15. Gillingham
16. Crawley Town
17. Stevenage
18. Oldham Athletic
19. Notts County
20. Crewe Alex
21. Colchester United
22. Shrewsbury
23. Coventry City
24. Carlisle United
League 2
1. Fleetwood
2. Chesterfield
3. Oxford United
4. Bristol Rovers
5. Cheltenham Town
6. Northampton
7. Wycombe Wanderers
8. Rochdale
9. Portsmouth
10. Scunthorpe United
11. Burton Albion
12. Southend United
13. Mansfield Town
14. Plymouth Arygle (although having seen them since, I'd say bottom 6 again will be more accurate!)
15. Newport County
16. Exeter City
17. Bury
18. York City
19. Torquay United
20. Accrington Stanley
21. Hartlepool United
22. Morecambe
23. Dagenham and Redbridge
24. AFC Wimbledon
Conference Premier:
1. Kidderminster Harriers
2. Forest Green Rovers
3. Wrexham
4. Luton Town
5. Cambridge United
6. Barnet
7. Chester
8. Grimsby Town
9. Hereford United
10. Braintree Town
11. Woking
12. Welling United
13. Gateshead
14. Dartford
15. Alfreton Town
16. FC Halifax
17. Lincoln City
18. Macclesfield Town
19. Hyde
20. Salisbury City
21. Southport
22. Aldershot Town
23. Tamworth
24. Nuneaton Town
A pretty comprehensive write-up there. A few typos, but never mind. Good to see that you rate my sort-of second team Sutton Utd so highly, but I can't see them winning the Conf South.
ReplyDeleteRegarding L2 - I really can't see us finishing bottom of the heap. Dagnum, Morcomb, Accy and Hartlepool will finish below us.
This post is sponsored by rose-tinted spectacles.
Meadow
Yes, unfortunately by the time I have spent hours typing out, I can never be bothered to look through and rectify spelling mistakes and typos, which naturally happen when you type at the rate I do. I need to employ a proof reader, really.
DeleteStill, thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it. We'll see about Wimbledon, but the past two seasons can't feel you with a lot of promise. Hopefully it'll be the year that Spaccrington finally succumb to a much deserved relegation.