But by the time I met Leighton Champion and Simon 'Bale's Volley' Scott in the workies (working mens club to all you outsiders not down with the slang) I was'nt particularly in the mood for it. I necked a couple of jars of fosters to try to inject some enthusiasm into me but the beer tasted pissy, and my general mood was apathy at why I was spending a lot of time, money and effort into watching a bloody friendly in some small Essex shithole, when at my tender age I should be trying to do something more productive with my life. But as the Champster assured me, its what we live for innit, and we would'nt have it anyway.
Once Dover Dave collected us by the bus stop nearby, the state of the shitty-cramped out 1930's mini-bus did not do much to raise the spirits! Certainly not an ideal vechile for claustrophobics as it was very cramped and dirty, but at the end of the day it did a marvellous job in getting us to and from deepest, dirtiest, darkest essex for an efficient price.
We collected the other 11 non-league weirdos at Crabble, including a certain Davey 'Wibbly Wobbly' Bell and Christopher Collings, who were sporting the new away and home Dover shirts respectively. They certainly look a lot better closer up, I can assure you. Especially with a new snazzy recycling sponsor on the back, it looks fucking mint. Was hoping to buy one myself but I'm fairly low on funds at the moment. (The hotel cunts who double booked my room for Newquay have STILL not refunded me yet - bastards).
The journey consisted of typical topics of conversations such as wrestling, CM Punk, smashing back doors in and modern literature, amongst the usual piss-taking of Chris Collings and myself whilst Champ was whinging about some buck toothed fella i've never seen before in a Manyoonited shirt with terrible B.O. To be fair, he stank. Luckily Dave's immence driving skills meant it took only just over an hour to get into Essex, but the final 15 minutes of the journey I had to suffer with busting for a piss. East Thurrock's ground appeared to be miles away from bog-standard Thurrock, as I initially feared Dave had taken the wrong turning. But he had'nt, and the ground was in the middle of nowhere just off of the motorway.
Also on the fortunate side was the club bar being on the outside of the ground, meaning I could rapidly relieve my bladder. And a damn fine piss it was too, I don't think theres a better feeling really? Inside the bar it was dingy and drab but an efficient enough for a quick pint. Unfortunately I made an error in ordering a fosters, believing it would be the cheapeast drink available (cheapskateLAD). But for some reason they did'nt have a price strategy and Stella + all the other lagers on tap were also £3. Essex really is another world. The barmaid also looked typical of an Essex bird - a proper "suck your cock for a cheeseburger" type - utter filth that would probably be the type to deem anal sex as 'romantic'.
After the lovely refreshing pint we headed into the ground where to my delight I discovered it was only £5 admission fee for an adult. And even better still, the bird on the turnstile misheard me and allowed me in for a student price, £2, RESULT! Mind you, with the squalid shithole that it was, maybe I had been ripped off. Now I've been to many a terrible ground having followed Dover all over the ryman leagues, but this one probably makes my top 5 worst ground list. Playing here in a league game infront of 100 people would really have been soul destroying in the same way Godalming, Horsham YMCA et all were too. Here are a couple of pictures I took on my phone (Apologies for lack of quality, its only a 3.2 megapixel with poor zooming ability)
As you can see, the facilities are very basic, but I found the two tiny terraces behind each goal fairly amusing. It is a indictment of how low the ryman league grade grounding is, if this newly promoted side is allowed into the Premier with this.
As for the game itself, it was pretty much your typical run-of-the-mill friendly; fairly dull with its entertaining spots, an overall good workout with fitness and game practise levels increased. We won 2-1, courtesy of George Purcell and Donovan Simmond goals. Georgous Georges' was a beauty, midway through the first half he got played through on the left before racing through and unleashing an absolute belting shot beyond the helpless keeper. I literally flinched as I felt he was going to bust the net with it! Jason Donovan's goal just after the break was very similar to George's, instead racing down the right before tucking it into the corner with a well-placed shot. Their equaliser came courtesy of a well-struck volley outside the box, which Hook had little he could do about.
Overall a decentish performance from the whites against a side that should more than hold their own in the Ryman Premier next season. Lee Hook looked solid and confident between the posts, Starkey is proving that Matt Fish should be no loss at all, Nathan Ashton looked brimming full of energy and impressed once again and Purcell looks like he should be full of goals. Hopefully we can convince Steve Watt to sign next after James Walker became our fourth striker and then the jigsaw should be almost complete. I'm feeling very confident about our chances next season, I just hope that Martin selects the right team each week.
I was pretty tired by the time I got back on the bus and was fairly beered out to as I'm pretty sure I slept for most of the way back to Dover. Not tired enough to prevent me from buying a 12inch mexicano pizza when I got back though, which by the way was fucking delicious. The only problem was, I realised that my bag containing my £150 Dover flag was nowhere to be seen. Had I left it in the pizzeria? I dashed off up the road but there was no sign of it in there, although the man working acted very suspiciously and I was convinced he had taken it. But thank fucking christ the following morning I discovered that I left it on the mini-bus, which left me feeling a mixture of relief and that "for fucks sake Callum why do you keep doing this?" feeling. Cheers Dover Dave for saving my assssssssss. If any regular DAFC fan would like to volunteer to keep hold of my beautiful flag to prevent any inevitable disaster, then that would be much appreciated.
Anyway, cheers for reading. Sorry that some of this is pretty rushed but it takes a lot longer than it seems!
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