The Biggest Day In The Town Of Herne Bay's History: Herne Bay 2-1 DAFC

I've been requested by Martyn McGarriggle to write up a blog for our Kent Senior Cup game on Wednesday. I can't really be arsed, its a Friday afternoon and it was a game that should be confined to the waste bin of "it never happened" games in Dover Athletic history.

I couldn't give two shits about the Kent Senior Cup. But when it was announced we would be playing Herne Bay away in their first ever appearance of the cup my general response was "get the fuck in there!" when I opened the thread on the Dover forum. As you all know, or should all well know, I have lived in Herne Bay for my whole life and this game would be our first ever competitive match against the hometown I turned my back on during my life time.

Of course, that's if you actually count the KSC as competitive. Its not really been a competition of any importance since the 1990's when Finals were staged in such magnificent venues like Priestfield and The New Den. And we have a pretty woeful record in it over the past few decades. Our last trophy win came in the 1990-1991 season courtesy of Leroy Ambrose's winner against Gravesend at Priestfield, while our last appearance in a final was in 2004/2005 when we were defeated 2-1 by Margate at Cheriton Road. So in short, our record is pretty abysmal when you look at the calibre of most of the teams and when you consider we are one of the most senior clubs in the county. It wasn't until last season that both Gillingham and Charlton were forced to re-enter after being forced by the Kent FA, having been absent for several decades. Its a sign of how poor the competition is when tinpot, nobody outfits like Hythe, Sittingbourne and Welling United have won it recent years.

And after seeing the valiant performance of the plucky minnows from Herne Bay on Wednesday night, you certainly get the impression that its a chance for these players that are jealous they are not good enough for the powerhouses like Dover, Ebbsfleet and Dartford to show case what they can do.

The game was arranged as a last minute thing. It wasn't until Sunday morning and checking the forum that it became clear it had been arranged following our win against Bath, in a cheeky attempt to overturn Ian Simpemba's one match ban following his 5th yellow card of the season in Somerset, meaning he will be able to play against Tonbridge tomorrow. Clever, very clever.

Which meant that there was no real time to organise some cheeky boozing shenanigans as I had originally intended. So only a few Dover fans made the trip down via train - Doddy, Martyn and Kieran's mate James who makes the occasional appearance at a Dover game. This couldn't have been a worse, strange or more random pick to choose.

So I met them all at the station for just over 19:00 and we walked over to the Winch Field stadium, which is just a 10 minute walk from there and a similar distance from my house. It wouldn't be quite right to say its the first game I have been to that is walkable from my house as Dad's gaff is only a 25 minute walk from Crabble. But it was nice enough to have a game to go to in which I could easily be home in time for Hollyoaks Later at 22:00, or so I thought anyway......

I mugged another turnstile operator into giving me a student price, as there is no fucking way I was paying the full £8 admission fee for a fucking KSC game, but even the £4 I parted with is too much. But to be fair, Herne Bay have a nice tidy little ground which is much better than some of the hell holes we had to visit during our 3 year Ryman South visit, the level that they have just finally been promoted to. I could see they'd done some painting work, put up some fencing and filled in some new seats on their main stand since my last visit there when Dover played a mid-season friendly.

The bar is decent enough as well and they had two fairly aesthetically pleasing barmaids to serve me a pint of their finest lager - carling - which sadly wasn't so pleasing. The vinegar-esque taste was clearly evident that they hadn't been cleaning their pipes very well so I made sure that would be my first and only pint of the evening. But as a bonus, they did serve them in plastic glasses and allowed you to take them to any area of the ground.

For the twenty minutes before kick-off I spent outside socializing with other Dover fans that had maked the 30 mile journey to my manor, the pleasant seaside, retirement town that is Herne Bay. Approximately 100 Dover fans made the journey down which wasn't a bad effort for such a pointless fixture. 
Steve King was one of them - making a rare appearance with him usually on cricket (or as I call it - squash) duties at this time of year. I think he was only taking time out of his busy schedule because he is a paedo and he was expecting Dover to field a side mainly consisting of young academy players.

Number 16 - Forstythe - confused the fuck out of us. Turns out it was just the gaffer.

We all were. But he was wrong. Shocking. The team news came out and it was clearly that Forster is no mug and he wants to win every competition. Every single player in the starting line up had started a league game this season with the exception of George O'Callaghan, a player that seems to be training with us and has signed playing forms. Out of our regular first team squad only Ben May, Bazza Cogan, Mitchell Walker, Ian Simpemba and Steven Thomson were left out, along with current injury carriers Calum Willock and Terry Dixon. 

Unfortunately it meant a return to the dreaded 4-5-1 with Billy Bricknell playing the role as a lone frontman, a decision which IMO cost us from scoring a few goals and probably winning the match. Note Nicky, if you're reading this I'm not criticizing you and I don't care about the result. Its the KSC. Experiment all you like. But I don't think the system suits us as would many other Dovorians agree with me.

In terms of Herne Bay news, it seems that their hot property and ex River End favourite Byron Walker has moved onto pastures new, although some of you may recognise ex Dover youth prospect Dean Grant in their starting line-up. As for me I was really familar with one of their players - Josh Seargent - who was in my year at primary school. My memories of him being an aggressive, arrogant penis were obviously not unfounded and he still shows them characteristics, getting himself into a spat with Modeste in the second half. I must congratulate Martyn on saying to him when they were defending a corner "oi, number 8. your neck tattoo is really shit you pikey". He didn't look impressed.

So we congregated behind the goal we were attacking, a decent enough small terrace which has two walls in the middle meaning its divided into 3 sections. Unfortunately the middle one had a group of 14 year old chavs assembled behind it, who would cause much irritance throughout the whole evening.

Apologies for the shite quality, my camera was playing up. Well, either that or I'm just a fucking dreadful photographer. Probably the latter.

 But what would be even more irritating was our inability to break down a very limited Herne Bay throughout the first half.  I had forgotten how bad the standard of football was at that level and we struggled a bit at times in the conditions. The pitch was truely dreadful, so bumpy and sandy. And its only September!
Christ, I really do sound Billy Big Bollocks don't I? Let's just make it clear - we should have been good enough to turn them over with the strength of our side and Herne Bay did a good job to grind out the result.

For some reason it wasn't happening for us. Jamie Smith, who played superbly at Bath, would be the focal point of most of our creative moves, although at times he was a bit too greedy and not picking out the right pass. He did have the best chance when he surged into the box but his shot didn't have enough bend on it and their goalkeeper, the MOTM Dan Eason, got down well to collect it. Then Smith and Modeste combined to set up Bricknell but his header was well saved by Eason.

Eason then tipped over another header from Bricknell via a Dover corner, as those of us behind the goal grew frustrated at our lack of cynicism in front of goal. Those behind the goal engaged in a "lets tell shit one line jokes to each other" competition with Martyn's cruel but funny "Parkinsons - you just can't shake it off" being the pick of the bunch.

And just as I thought the half-time whistle was long overdue my shitty home town, playing out of their skins in their cup final, had the audacity to take the lead against us. I can't remember much about it, but it looked like it was a poorly defender low cross from the left hand side that didn't get dealt with and we were punished with a close range finish from Dan Williams.

I dodged a half-time pint, instead bumping into a few local residents that I know. One of them being my Dad's mate Adrian who I hadn't seen since my Puppa's stag do last year. He and his friends said they thought Herne Bay would be in for a pasting when they saw our players training before the game, so were pleased with how they were holding their own. And much to my belief they actually thought the pitch was in good condition!
I must admit, I was rather embarrassed at confessing this was pretty much our first team squad. The few people I saw must think Dover Athletic and my sad obsession are even worse than they could possibly have imagined.

We were lucky that Herne Bay had a second covered stand behind the other goal as it was pretty darn chilly from here onwards.

 The second half would be nearly as frustrating as the first. Their defence had more holes than a tramp's leggings but we would spend most of it again struggling to make the breakthrough. Forster replaced Bricknell mid way through to give us a fresh impetus, although I feel we should have kept Billy on and reverted to a 4-4-2. That way I would have actually got home in time to watch hollyoaks, as I hadn't even contemplated the prospect of extra time before I had left the house.

But that's exactly what we'd get after only managing a late equalizer through the super sub manager, who netted his first competitive goal. He sprang the offside trap from an excellent lofted Dean Rance pance and confidently dispatched the ball in the bottom right corner. For some reason we celebrated this goal, probably mainly for the relief that we wouldn't face embarrassment now.... surely?

Prior to that we had large spells of frustration where wasteful finishing was preventing us from getting back into the game much earlier. Ricky Modeste in particular not having his shooting boots on - blazing over a simple back post cross when he had time to control it and aim.

And Ricky really should have sent us home happy just after our equalizer when his curling effort looked destined for the top corner, only for Eason to make a magnificent reflex save and tip it onto the bar.

Then Extra time came. For some reason we were allowed to kick the same way as we did in the second half, which surely is against the rules? Here we'd endure one of the most embarrassing DAFC misses in history. Nicky Forster raced through on goal and found himself in a two on one opportunity against Eason. But he didn't fancy his chances and squared it to Smith who for some reason didn't shoot first time, dithered too much before their defenders recovered and then blasted his shot wide in frustration. It just about summed our night.

And we'd be made to pay in embarrassing fashion. From defending a cross one of our players decided to head a ball right across back into the danger zone, from which their player sent in a looping error header that beat Hook for the second time of the night. Cue joyous celebrations and a day to remember for the citizens of Herne Bay. It was only their third opportunity of the night, the other being where Watt and Hook were involved in a mix up and they lobbed the ball over.

From then on we never really looked like getting back into it, and didn't. To be honest most of us were just desperate to hear the full time whistle and get out of there, not wanting to endure any more of a frustrating evening in which we were made to look rather silly.

Of course I endured some jokes from other Dover fans about my side beating theirs and I laughed along with it. But in truth I just showed resentment against my hometown club for having the cheek to beat us. I've never really felt attachment to the town of Herne Bay and while I usually wish them well, I can't help but feel a tad bitter here as you may well have guessed. I spent most of the second half making spiteful comments to their players whenever they defended corners making sure I was heard - stuff like "Don't score here Dover it will only break their hearts" and "This is the biggest day in your career keeper, savour the moment".

I left the ground with a vow that I will never attend a KSC game again. Fingers crossed I am true to my word......

But fuck the Kent Senior Cup, lets move on. Its FA Cup day tomorrow and a good chance to get our first home win at the tenth opportunity. What better way to do it than stuff those stuck up tossers from Tonbridge on the eve of my birthday? Just don't forget that piece of information and remember to buy me a pint. Thank you.