Any of you weirdos who read this blog on a regular basis should be fully aware of who Martyn McGarrigle is by now, even if you have not had the horror of meeting him in person yet. Doozer/Speccy/Dyson/McGiggletits/Ben Mitchell, as he is commonly alternatively known as, is often the (unintentional) comedic person amongst our group and usually receives the biggest brunt of our piss-taking. He is most notoriously known for once being caught receiving fellacio from his hoover and stealing his best mate Jared's girlfriend, a week after they had split up.
And now you get to get read from the very man himself, as he kindly accepted my offer of kick starting these features again. If anybody else would like to put themselves forward for one of these exciting Q & A sessions, then please get in touch.
And a quick note. If you look to the right side of my blog, you will see I have added labels which will make previous blog posts easier to navigate. Hopefully.
Anyway, let's begin.....
Starting with the basics...
Name? Martyn McGarrgle
Age? 22
Relationship status? Single
Family/Pets? Mum and step-dad. 2 dogs
Moving onto what’s important…
You support Dover Athletic. What got you into it? And what were you first home and away games?
My first Dover game was a 2-2 draw after going 2-0 down in a cup game, can’t remember who against. Then Jared and I started being regular attendees at home. We started doing away games in 09/10 season. My first away game was the 2-2 draw at Bromley when after being 2-0 down at Half Time with 10 men. This was a cracking day out, and it made me want to keep coming.
What is your favourite Dover match of all time?
Gillingham and Aldershot in the FA cup have to be there. But if I don’t include them, then I would have to say Welling away in 09/10. It was a tough game, we needed a win to secure a play-off place, and got a late one through Nicky Southall which sent us all mental, brilliant day. Made better by Tamwar Massood the steward.
And the least favourite?
Getting done 4-0 at Dartford that was a crunch match in terms of our playoff chances, I spunked the best part of a ton going up to the game, and that was how they repaid my loyalty? The first time I ever questioned whether it was worth going.
What is the best thing about DAFC and the matchday experience that would invite the ‘floater fans’ to Crabble more often?
Being with your mates, going on the beer, having a laugh. Even when things are grim on the pitch, the lads still know they have each other to persistently take the piss out of.
Where do you see Dover Athletic in 5 years time?
A lot depends on how CK gets on in his second spell. If he repeats what he did the first time round, we can definitely be in the conference if not the Football Leagues, if not, same as we are now!
Your favourite ever Dover goal?
Adam Birchalllll, scored a fucking great goalllll, in the scum shithole, in the scum shitholeee. Yeah that one. Shame he left us for them.
Who is your favourite Dover player of all time?
Birchall I would say, he used to win us games on his own, we have missed such a player since he left. Jon Wallis was another who got completely fucked over by Hayes.
And your least favourite?
Steve Watt of course!
Your most memorable away day?
St Albans, Great day all round. On the piss in a brilliant town for it, great result on the pitch, abused Paul Bastock, met Stuey and the boys, Jared got us kicked out the pub for gobbing off to Millwall fans, and I walked up and down the train naked wearing just your flag, great day.
What do you consider the funniest off the pitch an on the pitch DAFC moments?
Jared getting chucked out of a spoons in Basingstoke then starting crying, priceless!
How would you feel about the prospect of Dover moving to a new stadium, considering it will likely be out of town?
I don’t like new stadiums, and would definitely get pissed off about travelling out of town to watch my hometown team, Crabble is far enough from my house as it is.
If there is one thing about the club you would change, what would it be?
I agree with Doddsikov, the Centre Spot, dull place, prefer the old CS if I’m honest.
Is Chris Kinnear the right man to lead us into the Blue Square Premier?
No idea, I havent seen us play under him yet.
And more football related shite....
Are you a vile two club wanker and if so which team is it? If not, who would you follow if you were not a DAFC fan?
BLUE IS THE COLOUR, LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS, WHITE ARMY, DER MSV IST IMMER DA! FORZA BVB!
What's your favourite ever game as a neutral?
I would say City 3-2 QPR, but I wasn’t a neutral. So I will have to say Liverpool v AC Milan in the 2005 CL final. Oh and from a Chelsea perspective I was a neutral for the Manchester derby which City won 6-1, but when it went 4-1 I rooting for City to embarrass the scumbags!
What are your favourite football grounds, both league and non-league that you have visited?
I quite liked Dorchester’s ground, shame the two times I have been there I have been too drunk to remember. As for League grounds, Pompey, not easy on the eye, but a proper old school ground that has never lost its atmosphere.
What footballers do you currently admire?
Luis Saurez, gets so much shit but still just gets on with the game as if nothing is happening.
And who do you consider to be the greatest of your lifetime?
Messi of course, nobody can touch him, he should be tested to see if he is human.
All time footballing villain(s)?
Cristiano Ronaldo, I could go on forever about how much I hate the prick, but to put it short, he is one of the very few players, along with Van Persie, Evra and Franck Ribery that I wouldn’t give a fuck if they picked up a career ending injury.
Your favourite ever net bulger(s)?
Birchall for Dover against Gillingham
DI Matteo for Chelsea against Middlesbrough in the 97 FA Cup final
Gerrard for Liverpool against West Ham in the 2006 FA Cup final
Wayne Bridge for Chelsea against Arsenal In the 2004 CL quarter final
Aguero For City against QPR to win the title
General information…
What do you do for a living?
I’m a scrounging student!
What are your hobbies and interests outside of football?
Going to the pub with the boys. My favourite two however are touching the punani when the chance comes (Once every 3 years) and playing FIFA in my pants.
What are your favourite food(s)? And least favourite?
I do love a ruby, I knock back a lamb Madras like there’s no tomorrow. I do love a full English. I don’t really have one I hate, I have a stomach like a rubbish skip.
And your favourite and least favourite alcoholic beverages?
Any German beer really, With Bitburger and Konig Pilsner being my favourite. The worst beer I ever tried was Castlemaine XXXX. Thank fuck we don’t get it here any more.
How would you rate yourself on attractiveness?
10, Ben Mitchell is a fucking stud! I grill more birds than George Foreman.
Any relationship sob stories?
My ex Mrs macking me off for some posh little cunt, but we all know I deserved it so we leave it at that.
Who would be your ideal man/woman?
Someone with their natural skin colour, not too skinny, only a dog wants a bone, and someone who can put up my sense of humour as well as some of my antics. Also someone who allows me my freedom still, within limits of course
What’s your most embarrassing moment?
ERM? Think I will say the one where I missed the train on way back from Eastleigh
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully with a degree, a decent job, maybe even a nice young lady with a kid or 2 running around. The life of a family man has always appealed to me
Who do you deem to be the worst human being on the planet at this moment in time and why?
Josh Watkins, he deleted me off Facebook. Also Muslamic Fundementalloids, they are real cunts and and to be dealt with in a brutal manner
If you were to host a dinner party, what four dream guests would you invite?
Micky Flannagan, Noel Gallagher, Mario Balotelli and Joey Barton, that would be a night an’ ‘alf. Or we could have
You have three bullets left in your AK47. Which celebrities do you choose to dispose of?
Piers Morgan 3 times
Finally, how great do you think Callum's blog is?
A fun read when he actually bothers to write them, I think he could go far as a journalist, but needs to stop giving me a hard time on them.
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