It turned out to be a rather joyous day out though. For only the third time this season, I and the rest of the train crew decided to get the coach to the game and it was a decision that ultimately paid off.
Fried breakfasts are boring in my opinion, so instead we all set off for Weatherspoons before 10am for a beer and a burger because thats how we roll. Naturally, I chose the breaded chicken gourmet burger because for microwaved food Weatherspoons burgers are fantastic. I also managed to convince fellow salad dodger Jason Mcfarlane into taking the same option and he ended up with a far nicer looking version of mine. There was an epic moment when Martyn 'No-morals' Mcgarrigle and Jared ended up leaving half their burgers which me and Jason ended up mopping up, despite having ordered bigger burgers than both of them in the first place. Truely living up to our fat personas.
We only had the one in here before deciding it was best to head towards the ground for a 12pm departure. I had to take a detour en route because I stupidly left my blower at home, while Martyn wandered off to meet his mummy and pick up some migraine tablets because he wasn't feeling well. Awww, bless.
We had a sneaky half in the Old Endeavour before paranoia overcame us and we decided we wanted to be up their early to obtain the better seats. Theres nothing more heart-breaking than having to endure the prospect of sitting next to some old spoon on the front of the bus, so we made the brisk walk to the top of Crabble. Lovely stuff, the coach was already there so I parted with £16 for the priveledge. Unusual for me to pay to get to an away game as I have free train travel and this didn't go down too well with the horrific state of my bank balance after new years eve.
Me and Jared decided to paunch ourselves directly behind the toilet; quite fitting after our last journey on the coach to Maidenhead, if you remember where we had to share our penis juices in a bottle because there was no toilet. With a weak bladder like mine and 8 random assorted bottles of beer that I had nicked from my dads fridge, it was the perfect prime position.
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| All aboard the spastic bus! |
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| Jared looking like his usual gormless self. |
Then the football cards got passed out by George Hulks; a bingo-type card where you pay a pound and get to select a team on the card and the person wins a £20 or whatever it is cash prize. I chose Gillingham for both cards, purely out of irony. But it was Champ that won the first won, leading everyone to claim a fix like every other time he wins it. But to be fair Champ does buy quite a few teams and puts the prize into the coach fund anyway. Mick Edwards was the undeserved winner of the other one, and my miserable streak in not being able to win cash prizes in anything continues.
A key theme of the journey, on both the way up and the way back, would be persistant bullying and piss-taking of Martyn 'Doozer' Mcgarrigle, a character all you readers should be familar with by now. During the week Martyn has been involved in a twitter row with defender Steven Watt, which was initiated by Doozer calling him a 'sicknote'. Watty didn't take too well to this 'banter' and asked him to meet him face-to-face after a string of verbal insults between the two. Martyn eventually agreed to apologise to him in person, and we were all looking forward to them having a real-life confrontation. So we spent a lot of the journey winding him up that Watt would knock him out and we would all laugh about it. Unfortunately Watt tweeted that he was unable to make the Eastbourne game, but this would not be the end of the Mcgarrigle abuse. Far from it, in fact.
As some of you know, driving from Kent to Sussex is a pain in the arse because there is no motorways and you have to drive through roads where the limit is 50 miles. But on the positive side, you do get to pass through plenty of nice villages and Sussex towns. I enjoyed passing through Hastings as its a real nostalgic place for me; I've been there plenty of times on holiday as a youngster at Coombe Haven.
It was around here where I also started receiving texts from a girl called 'Hannah', some Weymouth supporting bird that I'd not spoken to in a while. She said she was at the ground after a stop-over in Brighton and wanted to meet me in the bar. I was pretty nervous about this because she's sent me pics of her tits before and stuff, so it would be weird to meet her in the flesh and I was pretty worried about the prospect. I then started receiving texts from her that the referee was inspecting the pitch and didn't look happy with the state of it, which installed fear into me. A call from Frank Clarke convinced us that this wasn't actually the case. Anyway, Hannah was nowhere to be seen in the bar and said that she had gone into the ground. After this, I forgot all about her and realised I hadn't seen her at the match.
It was only when we had arrived back in Dover that I found out ex-Dover goalkeeper Kevin Readings was the author behind this 'Hannah' girl on the coach and they had been having a laugh at my expense. Phil must of told Kev about this girl and he pulled it off to perfection. They were laughing about how I was nervously searching around the bar for her! Fair play to them anyway. At least they hadn't lured me into making any sexually provocative texts otherwise that really would have been embarrassing!
Anyway, we arrived outside Priory Lane about 2PM. We had been stuck at the railway bridge outside Peavensey for a good 10 minutes, which delayed our quench for a beer and a cigerette. But once we had arrived I was rather impressed by their bar, which I believe to be the best one in the league. Its very spacious, has plenty of seating and is equiped with a quiz machine, fruit machine, darts and a pool table. It also has a back room restauruant with further seating, and while I didn't have any food, the burgers that some of the other guys had looked lush. While £3 a Fosters wasn't overly impressive and they only served in them annoying plastic pint glasses, I am more than happy to pay them prices with the facilities they have available. The Centre Spot should take note. Also not forgetting the beer garden tables outside.
Not that I paid for all my drinks anyway. Russell reminded me that he owed me a few pints from the other week which to his credit, I had totally forgotten about. I ended up buying 2 of my own and allowed him to buy me the other two.
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| Makes a change from Russell potting the brown |
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| A rather unusual erotic embrace. |
Nothing particular to write home about in the 50 minutes we spent here. I suppose Phil's chat up line to the chubby-but-attractive barmaid which was "Your eyes are beautiful - I wish I could take them home with me" is worthy of a reference, while Andy Lucey was attempting to chat up the chef in the restauraunt bit without much success.
And it was Lucey Andy who would kindly play the role of my father again. Meaning yet another away ground would get mugged off by my thieving antics and I would only pay 1 nugget to get through the turnstile. Immoral and cheating a club out of money? Yes. But for all the while I am unable to grow any proper facial hair and anything that resembles more than a few pubic hairs I will continue to exploit the system. (Unless its my own club, which I do pay full price for). Anyway, I was rather amused with my quip "Under 16 years old? I'm not even under 16 stone!"
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| A view of Priory Lane as you enter the ground. |
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| Tom Foad looking like a toad. |
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| Jared, Russell and Alex show their softer side. |
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| Josh Watkins got to have his photo taken with Eastenders superstar Ben Mitchell. |
And I wasn't too disheartened by the ground facilities. The majority of the ground has covered terracing, but on the negative side most of the ground is very flat. Behind the end where the players tunnel is very bad for views but in the first half we would be kicking towards the other end following us winning the toss. To do this we had to walk past the main stand and by the dugouts, where there was no fencing to protect the area of the pitch. Very tinpot!
The first few minutes of the game unfortunately had to be dedicated to me and Russell putting up the three flags I bought. To be fair, that terracing is great for putting flags up on although the wind was rather annoying. We wouldn't have to deal with the hassle in the seccond half though with the stand being too unfeasible to put flags up.
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| Making its official debut amidst the strong wind. |
What was amusing about this goal was the fact we scored directly from a corner. Something that I have no recollection of doing this season. Kingy named Bishop Stortford at home from last season as the last time we did, when Ed Harris netter. But other than that, I can barely recall any over the past few years. I think Gillman might have done against St Albans last year, but to work out our true prowess from corners would take a lot of research and thus, I cannot be arsed.
The other amusing thing was that moments earlier Masters in goal had vocally made it clear that he wanted his back-post protected, which was evidently ignored by his defenders.
Instead of sitting back on the lead we would push onwards and continue to dominate the game. A ball into the box was met on the volley by Jason Walker, which Masters somehow managed to get to and push past the post, in one of our more notable attacks. For the first time in ages we looked dangerous from set-pieces and crosses, but were unable to find that elusive second goal. The front three of Walker, Purcell and Terry Dixon, whom replaced Bricknell in our only change in the side, linked up very well together and caused them lots of problems throughout the game.
Then our hard work came undone in the 20th minute thanks to an absolutely disgraceful refereeing decision from the useless Ashvin Degnarain; The same inept prick who sent Huke off at Bromley for no reason.
A ball was played through in midfield through to Gary Hart, whom was clearly yards offside and the linesman waved his flag up. Initially it seemed that the referee had not seen the flag go up and Hart continued to run through and put the ball into the back of the net while the rest of our team had understandably stopped. Then unbelievably, he over-ruled the linesman's decision by claiming the ball had taken a nick off of one of our players. Does the useless cunt know the rules? Obviously not. Cue rage and anger behind our goal, as you can imagine a lot of 'fucks' and 'cunts' and 'cheats' were banded about as well as kicking the hoardings. All this happened while Glen Southam was out injured on the floor, so the game should have been stopped anyway. Even now on this Thursday, I'm still fucking fuming.
Even in the face of injustice we continued to push on and be the more dominant side. Purcell broke well into the box but scuffed his shot over the top of the stand. Then Gary Hart booted Corcoron full on in the face in a clearence on the back post. While we appealed for a penalty the cheeky cunt had the nerve to tell the ref that he had collided with the post, which was totally not the case at all, as evidenced the the blood streaming from the cut on his conk.
The terrible officiating was not just confined to the referee either, the linesman at our end was constantly flagging up for offside even on occasions our players had run in from behind the defenders and then he managed to fail to spot a huge deflection from a Walker cross that went out behind the goal.
Overall though it was an exciting, feisty first half of football with us being the clear dominant side. While I went into the break very pissed off with the decision, I also remained confident that we would push onto win the game. I even drunk my half-time pint in record time to ensure that I would not miss any of the second half.
Second half we congregated behind the shitty end, where the players tunnel is so the terrace is split between two sides. The views were pretty awful too. I did spend a good ten minutes filming on my new camera, some of the atmosphere and various near misses from Dover in the hope of capturing a goal, which seemed inevitable. Unfortunately the file is fucked so I cannot upload it.
Speaking of atmosphere, we were pretty good throughout most of the game. I felt there were a good 200odd Dover fans in attendance and we were certainly louder than the home support, which dissapointed.
Second half carried on mainly in the same vein as the first, with us dominating and having the better share of the chances. I think it was Purcell who was superbly denied by Masters, who then smothered the ball when it seemed destined to go into the net.
The link-up play between Purcell, Walker and Dixon was exquisite all game but we just failed to have that killer instinct in front of goal. There were various near moments and desperate clearences from the Eastbourne defence.
Then they had their moment of controversy up the other end. While Wynter was blocking off one of their attackers, Ruiz clumsily picked up the ball just outside of the area. Eastbourne players screamed for a sending off and it looked as if that would be the case but Ruiz only received a yellow card. To be fair, I don't think he was denying a clear goalscoring opportunity as very little seemed to be on, so it was a rare correct decision in my opinion.
At first I thought the foul was given for a pass-back as it looked as if it was inside the box with my poor view, so I turned around fearing the worse. Fortunately the free-kick was blasted over, so I gathered by the cheers around me.
Moments later we would be celebrating our long overdue goal. Some more fantastic build up play saw Cogan in space out wide on the right, and his pin-point cross was met by a superb Terry Dixon header for his first goal for the club. Cue pandemonium behind the goal and general manly hugs all-round.
The final 15 minutes would be a tense one, and Eastbourne finally upped the pressure on us, mainly lumping long balls forward. We still nearly managed to add a third when we broke forward, with Purcell narrowly firing wide from outside the area. Purcell and Walker were replaced by similar attacking replacements in Baker and Bricknell, which may have been a mistake by Forster as we were unable to close the game out.
With the clock approaching 90 minutes, Eastbourne were given far too much space down the left hand side. A good cross whipped in was met superbly by Gary Hart again, who somehow managed to nick a point in one of the biggest robberies in footballing history. My emotions were left with a mixture of bitterness, dissapointment and disbelief, disbelieving at the fact we would be returning to Kent without the three points that we so richly deserved. I've honestly never seen such a dominating, one-sided performance where that team have not managed to win the game. Due to a combination of wasteful finishing, superb goalkeeping, awful refeering would leave Sussex feeling robbed, although we can blame ourselves for lapsing in concentration at a vital point.
As we reflected in the bar afterwards with a much needed beer, there was obviously a massive sense of dissapointment. But not as much as I usually do after conceding a late winner/equaliser. There was not much more we could have done to win the game and we played as well as we have done all season. The footballing gods such somehow managed to defy us, but over the past few weeks it seems evident we have grown as a team and look much more capable than we did a few months ago. I'm confident we'll be rising up the table in no time if we continue to play like that. Dixon looks like a terrific signing; if he can start putting away more of the chances we've been creating than we'll be winning games.
(Look at me, I'm positive for once! Don't let me down by flopping this Saturday against Eastleigh, please?). It's amazing that we've only somehow picked up 2 points in our games against Eastbourne when we've certainly deserved a minimum of 4. We just need to keep patient and the goals, and wins, will come.
A great thing about this ground was being able to intimidate the referee at the tunnel as he entered the changing room. There were quite a few verbals exchanged with oxygen thief Carl Rook, while the referee was lucky to escape unscathed. A few rumours from an Eastbourne fan suggested than one of our lot punched and spat at the referee, although the silly bints' footage suggests otherwise;
We'd been given until 5.30 PM to stay in the bar, which gave us time for a pint. I ended up finishing mine early and getting back on the coach with 10 minutes to spare.
The journey back was rather lively one. The majority of it consisted of taking the piss out of Martyn Mcgarrigle, who ended up getting absolutely brutalised. Various songs were breaking out about the urban legend that he once lost his oral virginity to a hoover. "He got sucked off by a hoover" "Sucked off by Henry, you got sucked off by Henry" "Dyson, dyson, dyson" were constantly being sung, then Russell tweeted his nemesis Steven Watt to inform him of his making love to a hoover tendancies. As much as Martyn deserves the abuse he gets, he took it fairly well so fair play to him.
Glen Southam further endeared himself to the Dover fans on the coach when he tweeted about the "#Cuntref". And then I found myself in an argument with the rest of the coach about wrestling, with myself vigorously arguing with everyone that it is far more entertaining that 'darts', a shitty, boring pub game that is played and watched by boring people. I know that I'm right in this instance, as I am with most things, so I don't need to fight my case any further from here.
The journey back to Dover flew by and most of us younger lads were eager to hit Weatherspoons, as well as being accompanied by former Dover goalkeeper Kevin Readings, who ended up leaving the coach absolutely smashed, to nobodies suprise. I enjoyed a quick KFC with Alex, Camilla and Jared in-between as I'd eaten since burger breakfast, the ladder managed to make a tit of himself by spilling his large fanta everywhere.
Once we returned to spoons we discovered Kevin Readings with about 10 glasses of port that he'd bought for everyone, aggressively demanded that we drank them. I relucantly had mine, and actually quite enjoyed it. Kevin's a really funny bloke and while he's an amusing drunk, he's quite annoying too. With him being an ex marine he loves punching and flicking you in the testicles as its part of masculine banter I guess. Still, it was a funny couple of hours in a period where him and Fish managed to get through nearly two bottles of port at spoons, and impressive feat with it being £2.45 for the mere amount they give you.
I was actually relatively sober here and all-day, mainly in just a 'merry' mode more than anything. I only managed 1 pint and a few ports here as I didn't want to spend more money than the £50 I took out at the start of the day. I was happy to just see Fish absolutely hammered for once, along with Kev who could barely walk in a straight line. Especially as Russell let as down as always, by becoming thumb-stricken when he seemed eager to stay out the evening.
Anyway, highlights here included Kev proclaming that he was "Going to suck Gavin's cock" (Gavin being the owner of the ellie and formerly runner of the centre spot), some pikey little chav threatening us for alledging bumping into his dog-ugly girlfriend, Tom Foad ordering 20 chicken nuggets while Kev demanded that they gave us free cheeseburgers and then finally, ordering a 10 inch pizza and fucking off home. A highly amusing day and good day out, only let down by the football result.
| Monday 02 Jan 2012 | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Eastbourne Borough | 2 | - | 2 | Dover | |
 Hart (22) Hart (91) |
Corcoran (05) Dixon (78) |
 879 |
|||
| Salisbury | 0 | - | 1 | Dorchester | |
| Wilson (40) |
1,003 |
||||
| Dartford | 1 | - | 0 | Welling | |
| Harris (60) |
2,559 |
||||
| Sunday 01 Jan 2012 | |||||
| Farnborough | 0 | - | 1 | Woking | |
| King (03) |
2,017 |
||||
| Staines Town | 1 | - | 4 | Hampton & Richmond | |
 Chaaban (79) |
Tarpey (57) Ruby (60) Inman (68) Beadle (08) |
592 |
|||
| Sutton Utd | 0 | - | 1 | Boreham Wood | |
| Ledgister (25) |
Hutton (20) |
|
|||
| Tonbridge Angels | 1 | - | 1 | Bromley | |
| Henry (78) |
Rhule (82) |
905 |
|||
| Truro City | 0 | - | 1 | Weston-S-Mare | |
| Pugh (89 og ) |
616 |
||||
| Thurrock | 0 | - | 2 | Chelmsford | |
| Bakare (36) Parker (87) |
729 | ||||
| Pos | Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  |
Woking | 24 | 18 | 5 | 1 | 54 | 18 | 36 | 59 |
| 2 | |
Chelmsford | 23 | 12 | 9 | 2 | 43 | 19 | 24 | 45 |
| 3 | |
Welling United | 23 | 13 | 5 | 5 | 48 | 32 | 16 | 44 |
| 4 |  |
Dartford | 22 | 12 | 6 | 4 | 43 | 26 | 17 | 42 |
| 5 | |
Sutton United | 21 | 11 | 6 | 4 | 41 | 26 | 15 | 39 |
| 6 | |
Dover | 23 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 37 | 25 | 12 | 36 |
| 7 | |
Dorchester | 26 | 10 | 5 | 11 | 31 | 37 | -6 | 35 |
| 8 | |
Weston-S-Mare | 22 | 10 | 4 | 8 | 37 | 34 | 3 | 34 |
| 9 | |
Basingstoke Town | 21 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 35 | 27 | 8 | 32 |
| 10 | |
Truro City | 23 | 9 | 4 | 10 | 39 | 41 | -2 | 31 |
| 11 |  |
Eastleigh | 22 | 9 | 4 | 9 | 29 | 33 | -4 | 31 |
| 12 | |
Tonbridge Angels | 24 | 8 | 6 | 10 | 39 | 45 | -6 | 30 |
| 13 | |
Boreham Wood | 22 | 8 | 5 | 9 | 25 | 32 | -7 | 29 |
| 14 | |
Eastbourne Borough | 22 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 38 | 37 | 1 | 27 |
| 15 | |
Havant and Waterlooville | 21 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 34 | 33 | 1 | 25 |
| 16 | |
Salisbury City | 21 | 7 | 4 | 10 | 29 | 32 | -3 | 25 |
| 17 | |
Maidenhead United | 24 | 7 | 4 | 13 | 30 | 48 | -18 | 25 |
| 18 | |
Farnborough | 23 | 6 | 5 | 12 | 30 | 50 | -20 | 23 |
| 19 | |
Bromley | 23 | 5 | 6 | 12 | 32 | 48 | -16 | 21 |
| 20 | |
Hampton & Richmond | 22 | 5 | 5 | 12 | 31 | 39 | -8 | 20 |
| 21 | |
Staines Town | 22 | 4 | 5 | 13 | 24 | 38 | -14 | 17 |
| 22 | |
Thurrock | 22 | 3 | 4 | 15 | 20 | 49 | -29 | 13 |
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