So with all that all said and done, it was time to head off into the Nations capital for what sounded like quite an appetizing Npower Championship fixture. I headed up to Dover Priory station for the 10.44 train into ST.Pancras with my family in tow, as they were off to Ashford for a spot of swimming. I attempted to find my mate Alex Wilshaw, a Leeds/Dover two club wanker whom I've mentioned many times on here before but couldn't find him. He was off to the game with his fellow Dover based Leeds fans so I was a bit curious and nervous about joining his crew. However I eventually received a text from his number saying he was in the back carriadge of the train which I somehow managed to miss, so joined him just after reaching Folkestone.
Luckily I was'nt made to feel too uncomfortable. Alex's girlfriend Camilla was also in attendance which put me at ease. He was only with four other members of the dirty Leeds scum, one of them being his father whom I had never met before. I was a bit suprised by his fairly youthful appearence as I envisaged that Alex would have a really old, bearded father based on Alex's dour personality. But that wasn't the case and they were pretty friendly and I never felt too out of place. But Alex did attempt to unsettle me by telling the others that I hate Leeds. My reaction was to pretend that I only say anti-Leeds things to wind up Alex, which isn't the case at all.
I've always had an irrational dislike of Leeds. I've just pretty much jumped on the bandwagon from stories and opinions of the older fellows. All the tales of dirty Leeds scum and them cheating their way to success under Don Revie has just meant that I've always revelled in their demise.
Saying that, I've never really been keen on Crystal Palace either. Ever since I had a few bronzes chucked at my head by their supporters following a Charlton v Palace game I went to as a neutral, I have not been particularly keen on them ever since. So I went into this game just hoping that football would be the winner.
The journey to St Pancras went very swiftly as it always does. I did drink a couple of budweisers that were still nestling into my bag, even though I didn't have any real intentions of drinking. But it was a suprisingly bright day for mid January so fuck it, why not? I indulged in lots of Leeds related discussions because being a football fan, I know lots about football even though I very much don't support them.
Upon arrival in London we were greeted by Josh Watkins, who was spending the day there with Camilla while the real men fucked off to football. Annoyingly, on the underground I had to buy a tube ticket which involved queuing up for ten minutes, mainly because their are always annoying foreigners/old people that spend ages fucking around and asking questions rather than just getting on with buying tickets. I'm a very impatient person.
We made the short 10 minute tube ride to Victoria. There was a comical moment on the esculators there, in which a middle-aged man tripped against his suitcase and fell backwards, where Josh was on hand to save the day and prevent him from smashing his head. While the initial reaction was one of concern, when it became evident he was alright I couldn't help but piss myself laughing in my mind.
Being in Victoria at midday called for one thing - a pint. Luckily there is a decent weatherspoons opposite the station, where a lot of other Leeds fans had congregated. Another thing on my mind, and Josh's, was food. Having skipped breakfast this was a perfect opportunity to indulge in my favoured beloved chicken gourmet burger. It took a short while to find ourselves a table but we eventually managed to settle down.
But as soon as we had made ourselves comfortable, Alex's Leeds crew had finished their pints and were ready to head towards Selhurst Park. With food still on the way for me, there was no way I was going to sacrifice that so we bidded farewell to Alex and co with the hope I would catch him up before kick-off.
After much eager anticipation mine and Josh's burgers arrived. But would it live up to to the extra London prices?
Well, the chips were'nt very nice as they had been overcooked. But I was prepared to overlook that as the burger was sumptious even by weatherspoons standards. Plenty of the monterey chilly sauce to go along with the succulent chicken breast. It was like having an orgasm in my mouth. The only qualms I have with these burgers are that they should not be consumed within distance of the public. They're too messy to eat in a dignified manner that is even makes me feel embarrassed. At one point I tried using my knife and fork to eat it!
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| Using the google search function, I am showing you a typical gourmet burger. |
Fortunately I don't mind my own company which is a good thing I was would have to spend the next several hours with it. Fortunately the journey from Victoria to Selhurst was only a brief one last 20 odd minutes. Only thing of note here was having some geeky star wars looking nerd sit next to me which was dissapointing.
Luckily going to watch a proper football club like Palace I needn't have had any worries about finding the ground from the station. I'd heard it was only about a 10 minute walk and luckily it was only that at a maximum. All I had to do here was to follow the droves of people. There were many away games over the course of the Ryman South seasons where we turned up unprepared with no idea where the ground was. The bad thing about this was that most of the locals had no idea where it was either! I recall one trip to Croydon Athletic where we received 3 different set of directions from different people! So fortunately I did not have to go fret about finding the ground as I'm very useful at getting lost, particularly when I'm on my own.
I text Alex to find out which pub they were in and I received a text back. It wasn't at the one I was nearby so I couldn't be arsed to search for it and get lost. Instead, I bought myself a programme which is quite unusual because I rarely ever buy programmes. Well I do on the occasion I go to a proper football ground because they're actually proffesional and worth reading. It was certainly worth the £3 expenditure.
Elsewhere I bought myself a bottle of oasis from the Sainburys which is basically attached the ground. I didn't fancy buying over-priced drinks inside the ground so I thought I would neck this and a chug a few cigerettes before entering the ground as obviously proper football grounds are no-smoking venues these days.
But my real issue was actually trying to find the entrance to actually get into the ground. I couldn't find it anywhere. I asked a steward near the away end where the entrance to the family stand was and he told me it was around the other side. Once I got round there I still couldn't find it! So I asked another steward and he told me it was where I was initially. It confused the fucking hell out of me, as I could see no entrance 7 sign anywhere. After going back to the first steward he confirmed it was at the turnstile he was standing by after all. DOH
I had paid for my ticket the previous evening online to save any hassle of paying on the day. I quite liked the booking system on there because it enabled me to choose a specific seat. In the end I chose to sit in the family stand, partly because it was cheaper (at 26 fucking quid!) and secondly because I know its normally the most sparsely populated stand. As somebody with a hatred of the general public, this made sense. I actually chose a rather splendid seat which enabled me to get a good view of the game and it was one where there were no other bookings on my row so I wouldn't have to constantly move for people who need to go for a piss every 5 seconds. Also, it was situated near the Leeds fans so I would be able to closely study their support and perhaps get a glimpse of Alex and co.
Finally, a quick note on the turnstiles. They had to be the tightest ones I have ever been through. As a massive lard arse, it was quite some squeeze and I could only begin to wonder how the Jason Mcfarlane's of this world would have coped.
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| Entering the stadium. |
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| The view from my seat. |
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| Where the Leeds fans congregated. It wasn't even 2:30PM at the time I entered the ground but their allocation would eventually get filled out. |
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| View of the main stand, just prior to kick off. |
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| A view of the impressive Holmesdale End |
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| The Dirty Leeds scum marching on together. |
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| A closer look at the Holmesdale end. |
I enjoyed soaking up the pre-match fun before the game. Seeing the stadium fill out, reading parts of the programme. All that jazz. I eventually got contact of Alex, who had also ventured into the ground fairly early. He couldn't see where I was, even though I had caught sight of him clearly. He pleed with me to wave accross to them but I certainly did not want to come accross as if I was a Leeds fan sitting in the home end. So instead I awkwardly flapped my programme above my head in acknowledgement and eventually he caught glimpse of me.
I really liked Selhurst Park the stadium. Its a proper traditional football ground, with low enclosed roofs that make for a proper atmosphere. Both stands alongside each side of the pitch are fairly identical, while the Holmesdale end is a very impressive two tiered stand that is the most modern out of all the stadium. The stand I watched the game from is the smallest but still gives a very good view of the game. I also liked the fact that its in an urbanised area. A much refreshing change from most of the crappy modern idenikit out of stadium bowl grounds that are doing the rounds now.
There were a couple of cringeworthy tinpot moments leading up to the kick-off though. Firstly was the Palace cheerleading girls doing a dance routine as part of the 'entertainment'. While I initially thought "ooooh scantily clad fit girls doing a provocative dance routine" the novelty wore off after about a minute.
Then there was the matter of the annoying matchday announcer. What is it with their annoying Americanized bullshit? This one was screeching in a over-the-top annoying voice and pleaded with the Palace faithfully to "Make some noise for Dougies boys". Urgh. Fuck off.
That said though, I was looking forward to kick-off between two sides that harbour realistic ambitions of reaching the play-offs this season. Palace being on a particular high after winning the first leg of their carling cup semi against Cardiff last Tuesday. Leeds defence has leaked goals for for fun this season while Palace have a lot of exciting youngsters in their squad, I had reasonable justification to expect a bit of value for the £26 I departed with. But with most games I attend as a neutral always seeming to turn out to being dull I wasn't totally convinced.
Still, the game got off to a flyer. By the time Palace had taken the lead in the 7th minute they were already good value for it. In the early exchanges some neat attacking play for Palace saw Chris Martin (no, not the Coldplay frontman) have a shot saved by Lonergan in goal, whom then reacted well again to a Palace rebound.
But Martin would give Palace the lead a few minutes later after some good work by Darren Ambrose on the right hand side. Martin was left in acres of space and the Leeds defenders invited him to run at them. He struck an excellent low shot from 20 yards that found the bottom right corner. I jumped off of my seat and pretended to be overwhelmed, while immedietly giving Alex a cheeky text asking him to "pick that one out". He didn't respond.
Palace continued to look strong going forward as Leeds didn't really impress me at all. But they didn't go agonizingly close to salvaging an equaliser but for the brilliance of Julian Speroni in the Palace goal. He made a superb serve from Adam Clayton before reacting to a well-drilled shot accross the goal from the rebound. It was an absolutely outstanding double save, world-class. Had that happened in the Premier League he would be soaking in the plaudits.
Other than that though, Leeds certainly looked to lack any real spark up front. Ross Mccormack struck a free kick on the edge of the area wide and that was about it for their first half offense. In contrast, Palace looked dangerous going forward and had opportunities to extend their lead. Chris Martin should have done better when he shot straight at Lonergan while Darren Ambrose was unlucky to see his 25 yard shot just fizzle over the bar.
Sadly though, the referee decided to spoil the contest just before the break by sending off constant Palace threat Sean Scannell for two of the softest yellows I have ever seen. It seemed like a desperately unfair decision for the only two soft fouls he had made all game, while much more meatier challenges went unpunished. From that moment forward, even though I had gone into the game as a neutral I began finding myself rooting for Palace.
The referee went off to an understandably angry reception while I decided to use the half time break as an opportunity to stretch my legs. The leg room at the stadium was awful while I hate sitting down at football anyway. I kept thinking during the game how good stadiums like Selhurst Park would be if they had controlled terracing in areas of the ground. But that is a debate for another day.
I saw some Leeds fans smoking outside the stand so I thought I would see if there was an area I could go for a cheeky snout. Unfortunately not. While I can begrudgingly understand why big football venues operate on a no smoking policy, surely they should allow people to smoke in the outside bits? We're not harming anyone but ourselves. Having not been on the gas all day I wasn't as desperate as I normally would be but a no-smoking policy in non-league would seriously put me off. Going 90 minutes without the chance to reduce stress levels is fucking hard as a smoker. I'm sure though that I don't have all of your sympathy.
Otherwise I just watched the first half incidents on the TV while hundreds of people queued up for food and the toilets. It's always amazed me how people cannot go a full couple of hours without having to eat food at a football game. The lengths people queue just to have a bit of shitty overpriced food?! And I say that as a fat person. Drinks, fair enough. But it seems a lot of people see eating a football ground as a necessitity in the matchday expierence. Each to their own but its not for me.
I got back to my seat in time for the second half kick-off, predicting that Leeds would overcome Palace to win the game. I was also sceptical that the sending off would halt Palace's attacking play and I'd be forced into watching a dull ultra defensive performance.
But fair play to Palace, they still gave it a go. They again dominated the early exchanges and defended valiantly, in a defense marshalled well by skipper Paddy Mccarthy. Unfortunately though, they never really created any clear chances and around the 60th minute a rare defensive error saw Leeds level. An unfortunate deflection saw Ross Mccormack in acres of space, and he squared the ball to substitute Robert Snodgrass for an easy tap-in.
Seeing the four thousand Leeds fans roar was discusting but special at the same time. I know how much I love celebrating a leveller, so I did feel a tinkling of envy for them.
But the scoreline remained 1-1. Despite the man advantage and most of the possession, Leeds had a limited amount of chances. Becchio and Mccormack both headed wide, and Palace had the excellent Speroni to thank again when he made a point blank save from Mikhael Forrsell. But other than that, Leeds failed to impress me and Palace coped very well with what they threw at them. Jonathan Parr at left back really impressed me and I was very dissapointed to find out he was Norwegian and not a young English prospect as I had presumed. Credit to Palace who have brought through many young exciting prospects through their youth system; the likes of Sean Scannell, Wilfried Zaha and Nathaniel Clyne are likely to enjoy succesful careers in the top flight. Particularly the latter, who wasn't playing amidst rumours he is about to depart the club.
A draw was a fair result, although it would have been a completely different game had Scannell not been harshly dismissed. Otherwise I suspect Palace would have comfortably saw the game out and perhaps have added to the scoreline. Leeds were unfortunate to be lumbered with ineffective players like Michael Brown, Becchio and Danny Pugh. They seriously need to invest.
What about the atmosphere, Callum? Well firstly, I should never speak to myself in third person because only cunts do that. Secondly, I was very impressed although a little bit dissapointed with Palace. I had heard they had a whole ultras thing going on in the Holmesdale End but that only seeemed to extend to a small group in the lower left. To be fair, they had 75 odd fans singing throughout the entire game but only on the rare occasions did it break out further.
Leeds fans travelled in superb numbers and you have to take your hat off to them. They sold out their entire 4004 allocation. Hate them or hate them, Leeds is a very tribal club and their fans are very passioniate. I respected the fact that all of their fans stood up the entire game and when they sang EVERYONE joined in. I wish we had that sort of unity on the Crabble terraces. And Marching on together is a fucking decent anthem, I must admit.
But they only had about 5 songs in their repitoire. One of them a very tedious "we are Leeds" which they somehow feel a reason to be proud of. I also had to laugh at many of their fans goading and waving their arms at home supporters at every opportunity. They have a lot of wankers in their ranks as you expect; various skin-headed stone island clad northern monkeys.
And it was those type of Leeds fans that I was surrounded by on the journey back to Victoria. When our train stopped off at Thornton Heath, the other popular CPFC train station, it became absolutely overloaded with thick northern monkeys. I never felt particularly uncomfortable though. Anyone looking at my DAFC jacket would have just thought "who the fuck are they" rather than anything else. But it was a train journey I couldn't wait to get off of given how crowded it was, and I had became sick of the whiney Yarrrrrrkshire accents around me. In credit to them, none of them acted like complete knobs. But they did break out into voice when they got off of the train.
Having missed my connection back to Herne Bay I decided to meet Alex and co back in the weatherspoons for a very swift pint, and a quick chance to reflect on the game. His views pretty much seemed to mirror mine. As a neutral I possibly enjoyed the game more than him as Leeds slip further away from the play -offs. He remarked that I looked incredibly bored in my seat, which totally was not the case at all. I was actually able to concentrate on a game for once without any distractions.
We also saw Camilla and Josh whom had returned from their shenanaghians, while Alex bumlicked a Birmingham fan in there, whom was overwhelmed at their 6-0 dicking of Millwall at the New Den.
As for me, I swiftly necked my jar of lager and said my goodbyes, before heading back to the beautiful seaside town of Herne Bay. This seemed to be quite a long dire journey but I spent most of it reading the matchday programme throroughly. Unsuprisingly, there was engineering works between Faversham and Herne Bay which was a nuisance. But suprisingly, the coach driver actually knew what he was doing and we managed to end up in HB 5 minutes earlier than expected. RESULT! With this I brought myself a chinese takeaway as I so often do these days. Its getting to that stage where I can probably say "the usual please, love".
Was it worth the £26 entrance fee? Absolutely not, but hardly any games of football should be worth that amount. But thats another argument for another day.
But it was better than sitting in my armchair doing fuck all and wanking off to pop idols. Its a new ground ticked off and overall I enjoyed the day.
Its certainly not as fun or exciting as watching Dover though and I CANNOT wait until Dorchester away on Saturday. I'm praying that the weather holds off and we can enjoy the messiest day of the season in style, with a 4-0 Dover win to kick-start our play off push. Keep tuned please chaps.
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