Fan Profile [Edition 1] - Alex Wilshaw

Hi chaps. I thought I'd start a new boring feature where I ask random Dover fans questions to give them their 5 seconds in the spotlight you some really insightful, informative and entertaining information.

This week I start with Alex Wilshaw, the disgusting Dover/Leeds 2CW and possesor of an alien style head. You Dover fans may know him as Beefhead and he can be found on twitter at @Alex_Wilshaw. 

Starting with the basics...

Name? Alex Wilshaw


Age? 19

Relationship status? In a relationship with Camilla Harvey. A fellow Dover fan. I have to admit it's pretty damn good having a girlfriend who enjoys watching football.


Family/Pets? I have a dad who is the ultimate wind-up merchant. I have a mum who can't stop nagging although she is a great cook. I have a sister who is turning into one of these scene/hipster kids who probably believes in this illuminati bullshit which is fed to us on social networking sites on a daily basis. I have a goldfish who is useless, but a greedy fucker who thrives on plastic fish food. A bit like Martyn McGarrigle,


Moving onto what’s important…

You support Dover Athletic. What got you into it? And what were you first home and away games?

Do the games watching as a 6 year old count? If they do, then my first game was watching Dover play Hayes in the 1998/99 season. I think we lost 1-0 and I kept calling the ref a time waster for the whole game. I should think my first proper home game was against Lymington & New Milton in the 2005/06 season. We won 5-1 with Walid Matata scoring a beauty and that overrated piece of dogshit, Carl Rook scoring twice. My first away game was Hythe Town in an FA Cup encounter in the 2007/08 season. We embarrassingly lost 2-1 and we were outplayed for much of the game. That happened to be on my birthday weekend too. Gutted. I suppose what got me into supporting Dover was that 5-1 in over Lymington. I found the atmosphere from the Jolly Boys to be entertaining and made average, dire football worth watching. I think getting into the play-offs a few times plus back to back promotions under Andy Hessenbackstabber led me to become more fanatical over Dover. No matter what happens with the club in the future, I will continue to support them. 

What is your favourite Dover match of all time?

It's plain obvious that the win over Gillingh*m in the FA Cup two years with Adam Birchall scoring a screamer has to be my favourite. Getting one over Hess and Hendon who had stabbed us in the back in the close season made it extra sweet. It felt good to send the spasticated, jumped up Gills fans crying. I had hated Gills previous to the Hess/Hendon saga so this felt extra sweet.

If the answer to the above related to November 6th 2010, what would your second favourite? If it wasn't, then why wasn't it?

My second favourite will probably have to be when we beat Tooting & Mitcham in the Ryman South title decider of 2007/08. It was my first away day with Dover outside of Kent and was good to see so many people turn out for the occasion. (Obviously helped by JP's generous offer of free coach travel) I think this was the most nervous I have ever felt during a game and had not celebrated a goal like that after Craig Cloke's header. The game gave me an indication that Dover's fortunes were finally on the up after years or struggle and turmoil. I think this game should be looked upon as a turning point in Dover Athletic's short history.


And the least favourite?

My least favourite will have to be losing to Dartford towards the end of the 2010/11 campaign. It was a sunny, hot day and everyone was confident before the game with the play-offs in sight. Little did we know that Dover went on to produce the most gutless and heartbreaking performance. Not only was it a humiliating 4-0 defeat at the hands at Dartford, but it exposed a manager who was clueless, unprofessional and fell out with the players. The chairman should have sacked him there and then, but amazingly kept him on because of the cup run. 

What is the best thing  about DAFC and the matchday experience that would invite the ‘floater fans’ to Crabble more often?

There is a great sense of community that surrounds Crabble. We are all excepting of each other no matter how weird or what problems we all have. We do have some idiot(s) (Martyn McGarrigle) in our ranks, but they mean no harm. I don't want people to see some fans as intimidating as it would be great to get Crabble rocking on a more regular basis as the atmosphere was a tad shoddy last season. Given Dover has its passionate people and many football fans, it would be good if they joined in and sing. The Jolly Boys aren't that scary.

Where do you see Dover Athletic in 5 years time?

I think Dover will be sitting comfortably in mid-table of the Conference Premier, hopefully playing Gillingham who seem to falling apart at the moment. We might have a new ground by then, but who knows where that may lead. I think there might be more inclusions from the academy squad in the future as there are some very talented players in the area. 

Your favourite ever Dover goal?

The obvious choice is Birchall's screamer vs Gillingham, but I'll probably have to say Byron Walker vs Godalming in 2006/07 season. With Danny Chapman sent off after a racist outburst, held to a 1-1 draw by a pub team in the pouring rain and with not long left to go, Dover looked down and out with their play-off dreams in tatters. Then Byron Walker out of nowhere improvises with a overhead bicycle kick scissor kick volley which is smashed into the onion bag. The River End went mental.

Who is your favourite Dover player of all time?

Craig Cloke. One of the LOCAL LADZ. He had PASHUN, COMMITMUNT and had PRIDE when he wore the shirt. He was a very handy player to have too who could play in defence and midfield. Scored some vital goals and was the fans favourite for years. It would be great to see another Craig Cloke come out of the Academy system or from outside. I love seeing players giving 100% in every game and he was one of them.

And your least favourite?

Jemal Johnson. One of the most greedy, lazy and egotistical players to ever grace the hallowed turf of Crabble. Given his pedigree, most of us thought he would rip the opposition to shreds, but no. He didn't give a fuck about the team and only thought of himself. His attitude stinked and NF finally realised after taking him off vs Sutton last season after only half an hour because he was such an egomaniac. I hope a player similar to him never plays for us in the future. 

Your most memorable away day?

Tonbridge last season. Getting so pissed up, causing havoc in the town centre by getting banned from two pubs (for pretty shit reasons may I add) and causing mayhem in the ground. Several were kicked out of the clubhouse whilst I was standing with some directors in some bar. Nicking a win in what was an entertaining game was also good. Shane Huke had been slated before the game but thumped home the winner. It was one of Mark Winter's favourite ever Dover away games, so it must have been good. Getting one over them sly, arrogant, shit-stirring bastards that are Tonbridge made it even sweeter. They can rot in hell for all I care. 

What do you consider the funniest off the pitch an on the pitch DAFC moments? 

Martyn McGarrigle and the train at Waterloo. The train had stopped and Martyn had picked the wrong carriage. So he though he'd be clever and hop off the train and meet us in the carriage at the end where there was more space. To much laugher, the train pulled away and Martyn scurried and scrambled to try and get back on the train to no avail. It served him right that day after being a pro-IRA scummer all day on St. Patrick's Day. He came back to India House and found out he paid 36 quid to get back to Dover from Waterloo as the original ticket he had was invalid! Funniest on the pitch moment will have to Lee Venamore dancing around the goal when Dover were awarded an indirect free kick. The man does not have a clue which was summed up when he was dancing around the goal!

How would you feel about the prospect of Dover moving to a new stadium, consider it will likely be out of town?

It would be brilliant if Dover had a new ground. It would give us a new infrastructure to work from, a ground easier to maintain and that gate receipts and crowds would increase. Hopefully a bus shuttle service would be in order to get people from the town centre to Whitfield/Farthingloe. If this wasn't put on, money made from the bar would be low. I would miss Crabble given there has been so many great moments there. It would be sad to see a great non-league ground turned into housing. I hope with the new stadium that the atmosphere does not get sucked out.

If you change anything about the club, what would it be?

Arab billionaire to run us, Jose Mourinho in charge, Ronaldo on one side and Messi on the other with Rooney in the middle? Realistically, I'd like to see the Centre Spot to be more fan friendly with pictures on walls, the introduction of a quiz machine/fruitys etc. I'd like some of the pillars that hold up the River End to be removed as it restricts many peoples views and does not justify paying 12 quid to get into Crabble. 

Is Nicky Forster the right man to lead us into the Blue Square Premier?

I think so. He has signed proven BSS players and there is a mix of youth and experience in the squad. He improved a squad that was not his last season and he does seem far more professional than Martin Hayes ever was. He really wants the best for Dover and I really want him to do well as he is a genuinely nice bloke unlike the last manager we had...

And more football related shite....

Are you a vile two club wanker and if so which team is it? If not, who would you follow if you were not a DAFC fan?

I am one of those vile people. I'm a Leeds fan and on average, watch them 10 times a season. I watch Dover more as it is much more affordable. Given the choice of who I support over the other, it would have to be... D.. L.. nah, I won't say it. The only way you'll find out is if you pay me 50 quid to find out or if Dover and Leeds ever play each other in a cup game.

What's your favourite ever game as a neutral?

Man City 3-2 QPR. The last minute goal from Sergio Aguero to win the league has to be the most breathtaking moment I've witnessed given the circumstances surrounding the game too. Stealing the crown from Man Utd was a delight to watch and was great to see proper, passionate Man City fans finally getting some success. I hope they dominate for years to come, just so Man Utd cannot get anywhere near the PL title. 

What are your favourite football grounds, both league and non-league that you have visited?

I'm a big fan of Peterborough's London Road. It's terraced, old school and can produce a top atmosphere. I like The New Den. I hate Millwall, but you can't beat the atmosphere. One of few plastic grounds made intimidating. The Bucks Head at Telford is a good non-league ground. Big stands, great setup and the fans really do admire their team. Young and old sing together. A really good community spirit produced there, given Telford is quite a deprived town. I'm fond of Maidenhead's ground. It's got some character plus you can drink on the terraces. 

What footballers do you currently admire?

Fabrice Muamba. It's such a pleasing sight to see him alive when he was dead for 78 minutes. Comes across as a very nice bloke. I'd love it if he could play football again. Andrea Pirlo is a great player for his age, carrying Italy to the Euro 2012 final. Xavi is one of the best midfielders I've ever seen. And that Messi fella is alright I guess.

And who do you consider to be the greatest of your lifetime?

Zinedine Zidane. He had everything. Could pass, shoot and tackle. The skill he had was ridiculous and was one of the nice guys in football. He rightfully headbutted Materazzi who had insulted his mother. He scored crucial goals such as the goals in the 1998 and 2006 World Cup plus the volley vs Bayer Leverkusen in the Champions League final of 2002.

All time footballing villain(s)?

Wayne Rooney. Absolutely brilliant for Man Utd. Shit for England. A granny shagger, a liar and a cheat towards Colleen. Constantly harassing the ref and getting paid a stupid amount of money after threatening to leave Man Yernited. Twat. Other villians include Roy Keane, Alan Smith, Cristiano Ronaldo, Danny Chapman, the #cuntref at the recent Eastbourne away game and Maradona. 

Your favourite ever net bulger(s)?

Maxi Rodriguez vs Mexico WC 2006

Paul Gascoigne vs Scotland Euro 96

Carlos Alberto vs Italy WC 1970

Any Matt Le Tissier goal

Jon Wallis vs Walton & Hersham 07/08

General information…

What do you do for a living?

I'm a tax dodging student studying at the Uni of Kent. Vurrently doing a History degree which I emjoy doing. I have no aim in life, which is why I'm doing this degree. Outside uni, I'm working down the Cruise Terminal handling luggage and stores. I really do get a thirll out of helping old people who can't pick up their heavy luggage...

What are your hobbies and interests outside of football?

I love cricket. Play for Shepherdswell CC who are just a mediocre village side. I love to tweet and blog plus having many outings to the pub to help with my alcoholism.

What are your favourite food(s)? And least favourite?

White chocolate. I could eat it all day. I love any curry and love chip shop chips. Least favourite will have to be cheese or cauliflower. The smell, taste and texture of these foods are foul.

And your favourite and least favourite alcoholic beverages?

My favourite has to be a pint of Kronenbourg 1664. Got a very rich taste and has a kick to it which pissy lagers such as Fosters and Carling don't have. I can't stand tequila. Not only does it give me a headache, but is disgusting. Vodka is something I don't agree with ever. In fact, any shot pisses me off. 

How would you rate yourself on attractiveness?

6. I'm nothing special. A bit plain if you ask me, but nothing like the ugly retards you get off the Jeremy Kyle Show. 

Any relationship sob stories?

Believe it or not, none at all.

Who would be your ideal man/woman?

Princess Diana - the woman had a heart of gold and certainly wasn't ugly. Maybe a bit old for me, mind!

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Farting in a job interview was highly embarrassing. Somehow, I managed to get that job down the Cruise Terminal. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In a dead end job in an office working 9 till 5 every weekday seeing as I have no aim in life and there are not many exciting jobs knocking around in this country.

Who do you deem to be the worst human being on the planet at this moment in time and why?

Bashar al-Assad, the Syrian President. The atrocities in Syria are taking the piss now and the genocide in that country is terrible. The falling out with China and Russia over the Syria situation is dangerous.

If you were to host a dinner party, what four dream guests would you invite? 

Karl Pilkington. He's hilarious and you'd need someone to talk inane bollocks at a dinner table.

Lee Mack. See above.

Mario Balotelli. You need someone to let off fireworks off a dinner table at some point.

Justin Bieber. So we can all poke our forks into his eyes. 

You have three bullets left in your AK47. Which celebrities do you choose to dispose of?

I'd place all three bullets through Jeremy Clarkson's head. Ignorant, arrogent, fuel junky whose Tory views make me sick. He makes Top Gear shit. 

Finally, how great do you think Callum's blog is?

It's funny and informative, but the spelling and grammatical errors are annoying. 8/10