With me being unemployed scum and Chris (who doesn't get to go to many games with work and family comittments) being off work the plan was to meet up in London early doors and then stay at his house in Putney after the match. These plans initially included Uncle John but he bottled out on us with some excuse, unsurprisingly.
So I left Herne Bay to Victoria on the 13:01 train which got me in there at about 25 to 3. My lonely journey up consisted of a few cans of weak lager (Carling and Tuborg) while reading the excellent season preview edition of this months FourFourTwo, which is one of the few unmissable issues a year for any soccer fans like myself. The preview part is so in-depth that in that whole hour and a half journey I only managed to get through the Championship and League 1 leagues!
But football days out are not about reading, they're about getting pissed. And with me having no idea where Chris was - but suspecting he was on the underground with no signal I decided to head over to the Wetherspoons across the station for my first pint of the day. Being on a very limited budget and being a tight arse, I ordered a carlsberg on the basis its only £2 a pint in the Dover one, then forgetting we were in the overpriced shithole that is London and handed over £3.15 for the weak piss. Its a good job I didn't go on the more classier brews because when Chris arrived he was set back £4.10 for a pint of efes.....
We caught up in this establishment for about an hour over a few pints while he lined his stomach up with a jacket potato with tuna and cheese. For someone who's supposed to be quite hard, big and scary I was quite ashamed that he was eating something that even Graham Norton would deem too camp.
Our train out to Sutton was at 16:01 but unfortunately I hadn't realised that my blower's clock was several minutes earlier than it should be. Chris was too busy still finishing his fag (while unsuccessfully attempting to make me cave in and join him like all good pals do) and by the time we got into the station we had to run through the masses in a desperate attempt to make that train......... and made it....... with a fraction that was smaller than the odds of Boreham Wood having a 500+ attendance this season. As I quipped to Chris I am like Usain Bolt with tits.
This 28 minute journey would be funny as fuck thanks to the antics of Chris. We had some incredibly posh commuter sitting across from us (A Dave Weber lookalike with a voice that would make Prince William's seem like Johnny Rotten's) that kept on nodding off every few minutes before waking up and making the most over the top yawning noises. Chris has never proclaimed himself to be the most mature person so he kept repeatedly taking the piss out of this bloke's yawning sounds by making some over the top noises that sounded like he was having a yawn-induced orgasm. I just sat there, covering my mouth trying not to piss myself laughing as Chris kept on increasing the volume of his sounds.
(I realise this might sound a bit written down and might be more of one of those 'had to be there' moments. But even the French family on the table next to us seemed amused.)
In our visit to Sutton last season we only visited the wetherspoons and some very overpriced fullers pub with Sutton Sal so I had no idea of where the best establishments they had to offer were. So naturally the best idea is to go to the one nearest to the station, which for us was some place called The Old Bank, a pub so nearby that their beer garden actually led onto the roof of one of their platforms.
It was a chain pub but it did seem decent enough; clean, tidy, lots of nice seating and also provided a string of ales on tap. Not that I was drinking ales but I did think our spiritual train army leader Phil would have approved. It did seem to be full of yuppie types but you can expect that at some run down town on the London outskirts at that time of the day. And besides, there was some tidy crumpet about to.
We only had the one in here though, most of it spent in the beer garden, where I stripped my shorts off and changed into my jeans instead. The shorts decision was a bad call as the temperature didn't reach the dizzy heights of the previous day, although it typically improved afterwards.
Before entering the next drinking cavern I quickly popped into Morrisons to get something to eat. I didn't want to waste my limited money on pub food so just had the intentions of picking up a few cheap pies. And at the pie counter in here we bumped into the second weirdo/nutcase/eccentric of the day. It was some bloke who had a very scruffy appearance (long frizzly hair, unshaved, crap clothing etc) but had the one of the poshest voices known to mankind, even outdoing the dozing chap on the train. You know when you attempt to do a posh voice and it just sounds over the top to the point of it being ridiculous? That was him. And he was a fucking nightmare. He stood there for two minutes just asking the poor lass behind the counter every single question about every fucking pie despite their being labels detailing what was which and what ingredients they have in them. He got muddled up trying to read a label and asked what their 'paralympic' pie was despite it saying 'meat and potato'. So the term 'paralympic pie' has know become a classic new phrase for me and Chris to use.
Sadly I never got to sample this fictional 'paralympic pie' but a simple steak pie and ham&cheese slice was enough to get any hunger pains out of the way and allow us to resume the all important task of getting wankered. And the real heavier stuff began in our next boozer, strangely named 'The Treasury'. It was some sort of swanky bar that seemed to have more style than substance. It looked to be quite cheap from the outside but that was not necessarily the case.
It was my round next so while I just ordered my bog standard pint of weak piss (fosters this time) he made me order a JD & Southern Comfort with coke, which cost a whopping £5.80. Probably the most I've ever spent on a single drink but Chris would make it up to me throughout the day and night.......
Chris has previous for splashing out and loves any drinks involving spirits. He's a bit of a nutcase. At Braintree a few seasons ago he brought a round for about 10 of us which came to £78, all on northern jaigerbombs and mojito cocktails. And he decided he wanted us to get pissed so on the next round in here he ordered 3 drinks just for me. One just a standard double JD and coke, the other your run of the mill jaigerbomb and the other a grenade bomb...... which is just a jaigerbomb only the energy drink is mixed with a shot of black sambuca. Safe to say that after downing one after another, the effects kicked in pretty sharpish.
 |
| The Three Amigos |
 |
| Eyeing up the grenade bomb in a very camp manner. |
 |
| .And polishing off the third...... |
 |
| Big ginger ball of attractiveness. |
 |
| Chris unsuccessfully attempting to take photos of walking clunge in the high street. |
After demolishing these drinks we decided to nip off to the wetherspoons for some more cheapskate drinks. My first call of action was to lay off a steaming dump so I left it for Chris to surprise me with whatever spirit based shit he likes. Which turned out to be a JD & Archers with Lemonade. For some reason the wetherspoons bar-staff will only serve you the spirits in shot glasses and make you mix them yourself because its illegal or something. Interesting.
Anyway we seemed to be in our element in the beer garden amongst some of the more chavier scratter types that Surrey has to offer and this drink turned out to be rather flavoursome. I'm not really that much of a spirit drinker: I'll have the odd jaigerbomb or shot of sambuca now and then but generally I'm just a lager or ale drinker.
We had another one of this drink afterwards except replacing JD for southern comfort, which I found arguably even nicer. Its sort of had a poofy sweet taste but evidently they were quite strong as well.
With the time ticking on I was keen to move onto the pub nearest to Gangrene Lane, The Plough, to meet the others who had travelled via coach. But Chris managed to lose a 20 pack of mayfair that he had just purchased in wetherspoons and after a frantic search we had to go back to Morrisons and get some more, wasting more pre-match VDT.
Following Sutton Sal's textual advice and remembering the route from last year, we didn't find it too difficult to find the much lamented pub although it was a good 15 minute minimum walk to get there. Apparently this pub has a pretty dodgy reputation for being a bit rough and full of arseholes but it seemed alright in there: a proper pub. Chris bought us a Stella each and we got up with some of the ruffian arseholes like Mark Miller, Russell, Doozer and Kieran Dodd, with quite a few regular Dover fans being absentees. In fact a lot of our away support seemed to consist of quite a few newbies and Dover fans that work in London. I did briefly meet Whites Castle from the forum, who introduced himself to me.
We made our way into the ground about 10 minutes before kick-off, where I managed to con yet another poor turnstile operator by getting in as a student. Martyn somehow managed to pass as an under 16 year old though and got in for free! Fuck knows how he managed that.
After quickly going for a piss behind the club shop (where the fuck their toilets were situated I don't know) it was already time for kick off. So we congregated behind the only goal that has covered terracing as we were kicking towards that end.
The first half of the game would be a very poor one, not helped by the way that we set ourselves up. For some reason NF opted for a 4-5-1 with Billy Bricknell playing on the right wing and Jamie Smith coming on the left, with Saturday's hero Sessesgnon being ruled out with a niggle.
It was pretty negative and Willock didn't look suited to playing the isolated frontman, but we did manage to contain a strong Sutton side from creating many openings, apart from when Tom Cavanagh smashed in a 25 yard beauty on the half hour mark. There was nothing we could have done about it.
We were very sloppy in possession outselves though and I don't think we had a single clear shot in the first half. But neither did Sutton apart from their stunning long range strike.
It was funny on the terraces though. With about 75-100 travelling whites in a poor crowd of 569, we attempted to make a lot of noise even with the absence of our spiritual leader Champ. So me and Kingy lead the choruses and tried mixing up our songs a bit. We actually got our favourite "Took her to the Crabble on Monday" ditty from the famous Craig David song going. Without a drum I took it upon myself to use the back of the stand as an instrument.
I also tried some lame Sutton baiting with calls of "We love Carshalton we do", their much despised but more charming neighbours. And I ended every song with a shout of 'YOLO' a trendy saying that is often used by cunts but we and Chris use it a lot in an ironic manner. Its supposed to mean "you only live once" but we've changed the meaning to "you only like onions".
We piled into the bar for a much needed half time refreshment and here one of our newest members of the Dovorian army bought me a pint. I have no idea who the kid is but he suddenly started appearing in pre-season and started talking to everyone. He is and looks a bit 'special' and I've given him the name Bart Simpson because for some reason I think he looks like him.
We had some quite funny bantz in here at half time and most of us were drooling over some slosh pot who was sitting opposite us with a pram next to here. Now I assume that the girl in question was the mother to the child and chavvy single mothers are not what most people look for but she was very tidy and wearing the skimpiest of hot pants. I said to Mark Miller "stand right by there so I can pretend I am taking a photo of you but I'm actually taking a pic of that fit young lass over there" and thats exactly what I did.
By the time I exited the bar 2 minutes after the restart something amazing had happened. Dover had scored! Me and Russell must have missed our goal by about 50 seconds. When I was first informed by a Sutton director I had to ask several other fans to make sure he wasn't trying to take the piss. But we had. Although Andy Lucey exaggerated the goal by telling us it was a "quality, well-taken finish" from Billy Bricknell rather than the close range scramble in from a set-piece that the match highlights suggest!
When we joined the others round the covered terrace on the side I informed Kingy that "No, I did not see that in the bar". Long before we had live screenings of our games in the CS bar we used to sing a song to anyone that had got into the bar before half-time and consquently missed a goal "Did you see that in the bar". That's the first time I've ever been on the receiving end of it. I blame my phone and its terrible b82rez life which meant I was unable to get back on time.
Anyway, whatever bollocking Forster gave the players at half-time must have worked a treat. Not only did we come out and immedietly get an equaliser but the next 15 minutes we had a very strong dominant spell of possession with our tinpot levels of noise also firmly getting behind our players. Our best chance during this period fell to Billy Bricknell and his lobbed effort only just we over the cross bar.
Annoyingly right against the run of play Sutton went back ahead when Sam Rents headed a thumping header in off the crossbar from a deep cross on the right hand side. It was quite a blow and we lost our rythym in the minutes succeeding that goal. Sutton almost added a third when a dangerous cross was put just past the post by Tom Wynter.
But we dug in deep and eventually battled our way towards a late equalizer. Chances fell before hand with Nicky Forster header being saved close range by Scriven from a free-kick, who by the way looked pretty sharp and effective once he replaced Bricknell in the 68th minute. Calum Willock was awarded his first serious opportunity of the game when we was sent through on goal but amidst being closed down by Sutton defender he scuffed his shot wide.
The all important goal seven minutes from time came from our new found source of goals: a free-kick swung in by Barry Cogan. It was Shane Huke (although there was a lot of confusion at the time with their pitch being so far away from the stand) who connected with a header from the inswinger and the ball cannoned in off the crossbar and via the back of Scriven. I think the goal will probably we awarded as an OG as I'm not sure it crossed the line before hitting Scrivs.
This set up and tight and tense ending to the game but we ended up feeling more relieved to hang on for a pint after they hit the bar late on with a lofted cross which was eventually cleared out to safety. And there we had a well earned point against one of the division favourites on a tough pitch.
Plenty of positive and negatives to come out of the game though. I'm chuffed that we seem to have found ourselves a genuine threat from set-pieces now with the likes of Willock, Watt, Webb, Simpemba and even now Huke all giving us options. If there's one thing Barry Cogan is good for then it is that his set pieces are generally of a good standard. We showed a lot of character and determination to come back from behind twice and I was generally impressed with how we responded in the first half.
But we were generally a bit too direct for long periods of the game and I really don't think Willock should be employed as a targetman. Speak to Gravesend fans and they will tell you he is better with the ball to his feet. He's looked pretty isolated the last few games and we need to work out a way to utilize him better.
We do look pretty slow at the back and look like we'll get caught out at any moment. I don't want to sound like a broken record but Shane Huke got caught out of position time and time again at right back and we were targeted down that side a lot of the time. Most of our better openings and set-pieces were won we played the ball on the ground so please can we try and keep it on the floor guys?
Still, plenty to look forward to with Modeste and Walker to return from suspension, particularly with the latter with Lee Hook having a severe case of dodgy kicking throughout Tuesday night. And Terry Dixon returning to fitness will give us a new dimension so hopefully that happens sooner rather than later.
Overall it was a good nights entertainment at GGL, well, in the second half anyway with both sides going out for it. And the few singers amongst us made a lot of noise and it was just generally a quite entertaining evening.
After the game me and Chris headed back to the bar for some more drinks and I got to catch up with a few of the Sutton fans I know; Sal, Amber Aleman and a hairy lad called Nick that we met last year. Chris being the extremely generous hunk of meat that he is bought a whole round for us and them.
Sutton seem like a good bunch overall and our assessments of the game were pretty similar.
After a pint of fosters and double JD in there we got on the train at West Sutton station with Sal and AA, heading back to Putney via Wimbledon and Clapham Junction. Sal seemed to be infatuated with some hunky chap wearing an Italian shirt although she claims that she was just helping the lad apply for a trial at one of the local football clubs. Yeah right. She wanted his greasy Italian meat rod. She'll be saddened to know that we saw him with some tidy hot piece at Clapham.....
We eventually rocked up in Putney at about 23:15 where there was clearly more time to continue the drink-a-thon. We ended up walking towards the way to Craven Cottage before finding some swanky wine bar where we would find ourselves completely out of our depth. Two beefy working-class lads that like nothing more than football and swearing were amongst all the dregs and yuppies that one of the posher parts of West London has to offer.
First round of drinks was two double JD's and coke. The cost? £18. As I mentioned earlier on Chris is a big spender and doesn't think much on blowing money away but he bought us 3 rounds of drinks in here and was barely getting change from a score each time. After this he started buying exotically made cocktails that were also of silly prices, but fucking orgasmic nonetheless. One was actually called screaming orgasm, a lovely milkshake style drink made up of baileys. Then we had some fruitier cocktail that required a flaming orange.
But this place will forever become notorious for being the birth of meeting the third complete nutter of the evening.
It was some bloke who came storming into the bar on his motorized wheelchair. Some big fat bald bloke wearing a pikey ecko tracksuit that called himself "Prince Tommy". "Do you know who I am?" he asked Chris. No, why the fuck would he? Then he started rambling on about how he's a local celebrity and that Chris should hand him over money because he's disabled. He then started getting quite aggressive and the bar staff had to escort the eccentric nutter out of the place. It was one of the most funniest and surreal things I have ever seen. Just looking at the photos we took of him cracks me up.......
That's the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life and if I manage to ever top that I will die happy.
We did stay here just until closing time after midnight but not without more drama. Chris began chattingup a few girls until things turned sour when one of them flew off the handle because Chris jokily guessed her age at being 36. She started whinging and shouting him in the street while me and her mate were talking about how we'd wish they'd just shut up and get over it, then move on.
It did. By Chris punching a nearby shop window in frustration, almost cracking it, before both sides scurried off into the sunset.
Well actually, we scurried back off to the other side of the town to his flat after he unsuccessfully convinced me to get a cab into Soho and drink there. A typical fat person's problem, chaffing, put and end to my evening.
Not quite actually because we did stay up for several hours in his flat with him feeding me more rancid spirits like malibu and some revolting Slovakian drink called 'fernet', which almost had me gagging in his toilet. And of course I beat him several times at FIFA 12 on his huge HD TV but that sort of goes without saying.
Overall it was a really funny day and evening both at and away from football. You can't beat away days and I have Chris to thank for making this one much more memorable than it otherwise would be.
Onto Hornchurch away tomorrow then, one that I am strangely looking forward to even though I know I'll be complaining how bad it is afterwards. Fingers crossed we register our first three points of the season which is pretty important after our failure to in the first few games. COYW
Anyway we seemed to be in our element in the beer garden amongst some of the more chavier scratter types that Surrey has to offer and this drink turned out to be rather flavoursome. I'm not really that much of a spirit drinker: I'll have the odd jaigerbomb or shot of sambuca now and then but generally I'm just a lager or ale drinker.
We had another one of this drink afterwards except replacing JD for southern comfort, which I found arguably even nicer. Its sort of had a poofy sweet taste but evidently they were quite strong as well.
With the time ticking on I was keen to move onto the pub nearest to Gangrene Lane, The Plough, to meet the others who had travelled via coach. But Chris managed to lose a 20 pack of mayfair that he had just purchased in wetherspoons and after a frantic search we had to go back to Morrisons and get some more, wasting more pre-match VDT.
Following Sutton Sal's textual advice and remembering the route from last year, we didn't find it too difficult to find the much lamented pub although it was a good 15 minute minimum walk to get there. Apparently this pub has a pretty dodgy reputation for being a bit rough and full of arseholes but it seemed alright in there: a proper pub. Chris bought us a Stella each and we got up with some of the ruffian arseholes like Mark Miller, Russell, Doozer and Kieran Dodd, with quite a few regular Dover fans being absentees. In fact a lot of our away support seemed to consist of quite a few newbies and Dover fans that work in London. I did briefly meet Whites Castle from the forum, who introduced himself to me.
We made our way into the ground about 10 minutes before kick-off, where I managed to con yet another poor turnstile operator by getting in as a student. Martyn somehow managed to pass as an under 16 year old though and got in for free! Fuck knows how he managed that.
After quickly going for a piss behind the club shop (where the fuck their toilets were situated I don't know) it was already time for kick off. So we congregated behind the only goal that has covered terracing as we were kicking towards that end.
The first half of the game would be a very poor one, not helped by the way that we set ourselves up. For some reason NF opted for a 4-5-1 with Billy Bricknell playing on the right wing and Jamie Smith coming on the left, with Saturday's hero Sessesgnon being ruled out with a niggle.
It was pretty negative and Willock didn't look suited to playing the isolated frontman, but we did manage to contain a strong Sutton side from creating many openings, apart from when Tom Cavanagh smashed in a 25 yard beauty on the half hour mark. There was nothing we could have done about it.
We were very sloppy in possession outselves though and I don't think we had a single clear shot in the first half. But neither did Sutton apart from their stunning long range strike.
It was funny on the terraces though. With about 75-100 travelling whites in a poor crowd of 569, we attempted to make a lot of noise even with the absence of our spiritual leader Champ. So me and Kingy lead the choruses and tried mixing up our songs a bit. We actually got our favourite "Took her to the Crabble on Monday" ditty from the famous Craig David song going. Without a drum I took it upon myself to use the back of the stand as an instrument.
I also tried some lame Sutton baiting with calls of "We love Carshalton we do", their much despised but more charming neighbours. And I ended every song with a shout of 'YOLO' a trendy saying that is often used by cunts but we and Chris use it a lot in an ironic manner. Its supposed to mean "you only live once" but we've changed the meaning to "you only like onions".
We piled into the bar for a much needed half time refreshment and here one of our newest members of the Dovorian army bought me a pint. I have no idea who the kid is but he suddenly started appearing in pre-season and started talking to everyone. He is and looks a bit 'special' and I've given him the name Bart Simpson because for some reason I think he looks like him.
 |
| Here he is. The total and utter fucking legend. Fitting lookalike comparison or not? |
 |
| Sadly the photo doesn't do her much justice but you'll have to take my word for it. |
 |
| Doddy and his charisma inducing presence. |
 |
| (From L-R) : Will Mackenzie, Mick Hucknall, Bart Simpson, Gary Barlow, Dwarf person, Ben Mitchell. |
When we joined the others round the covered terrace on the side I informed Kingy that "No, I did not see that in the bar". Long before we had live screenings of our games in the CS bar we used to sing a song to anyone that had got into the bar before half-time and consquently missed a goal "Did you see that in the bar". That's the first time I've ever been on the receiving end of it. I blame my phone and its terrible b82rez life which meant I was unable to get back on time.
Anyway, whatever bollocking Forster gave the players at half-time must have worked a treat. Not only did we come out and immedietly get an equaliser but the next 15 minutes we had a very strong dominant spell of possession with our tinpot levels of noise also firmly getting behind our players. Our best chance during this period fell to Billy Bricknell and his lobbed effort only just we over the cross bar.
Annoyingly right against the run of play Sutton went back ahead when Sam Rents headed a thumping header in off the crossbar from a deep cross on the right hand side. It was quite a blow and we lost our rythym in the minutes succeeding that goal. Sutton almost added a third when a dangerous cross was put just past the post by Tom Wynter.
But we dug in deep and eventually battled our way towards a late equalizer. Chances fell before hand with Nicky Forster header being saved close range by Scriven from a free-kick, who by the way looked pretty sharp and effective once he replaced Bricknell in the 68th minute. Calum Willock was awarded his first serious opportunity of the game when we was sent through on goal but amidst being closed down by Sutton defender he scuffed his shot wide.
The all important goal seven minutes from time came from our new found source of goals: a free-kick swung in by Barry Cogan. It was Shane Huke (although there was a lot of confusion at the time with their pitch being so far away from the stand) who connected with a header from the inswinger and the ball cannoned in off the crossbar and via the back of Scriven. I think the goal will probably we awarded as an OG as I'm not sure it crossed the line before hitting Scrivs.
This set up and tight and tense ending to the game but we ended up feeling more relieved to hang on for a pint after they hit the bar late on with a lofted cross which was eventually cleared out to safety. And there we had a well earned point against one of the division favourites on a tough pitch.
Plenty of positive and negatives to come out of the game though. I'm chuffed that we seem to have found ourselves a genuine threat from set-pieces now with the likes of Willock, Watt, Webb, Simpemba and even now Huke all giving us options. If there's one thing Barry Cogan is good for then it is that his set pieces are generally of a good standard. We showed a lot of character and determination to come back from behind twice and I was generally impressed with how we responded in the first half.
But we were generally a bit too direct for long periods of the game and I really don't think Willock should be employed as a targetman. Speak to Gravesend fans and they will tell you he is better with the ball to his feet. He's looked pretty isolated the last few games and we need to work out a way to utilize him better.
We do look pretty slow at the back and look like we'll get caught out at any moment. I don't want to sound like a broken record but Shane Huke got caught out of position time and time again at right back and we were targeted down that side a lot of the time. Most of our better openings and set-pieces were won we played the ball on the ground so please can we try and keep it on the floor guys?
Still, plenty to look forward to with Modeste and Walker to return from suspension, particularly with the latter with Lee Hook having a severe case of dodgy kicking throughout Tuesday night. And Terry Dixon returning to fitness will give us a new dimension so hopefully that happens sooner rather than later.
Overall it was a good nights entertainment at GGL, well, in the second half anyway with both sides going out for it. And the few singers amongst us made a lot of noise and it was just generally a quite entertaining evening.
After the game me and Chris headed back to the bar for some more drinks and I got to catch up with a few of the Sutton fans I know; Sal, Amber Aleman and a hairy lad called Nick that we met last year. Chris being the extremely generous hunk of meat that he is bought a whole round for us and them.
Sutton seem like a good bunch overall and our assessments of the game were pretty similar.
After a pint of fosters and double JD in there we got on the train at West Sutton station with Sal and AA, heading back to Putney via Wimbledon and Clapham Junction. Sal seemed to be infatuated with some hunky chap wearing an Italian shirt although she claims that she was just helping the lad apply for a trial at one of the local football clubs. Yeah right. She wanted his greasy Italian meat rod. She'll be saddened to know that we saw him with some tidy hot piece at Clapham.....
We eventually rocked up in Putney at about 23:15 where there was clearly more time to continue the drink-a-thon. We ended up walking towards the way to Craven Cottage before finding some swanky wine bar where we would find ourselves completely out of our depth. Two beefy working-class lads that like nothing more than football and swearing were amongst all the dregs and yuppies that one of the posher parts of West London has to offer.
First round of drinks was two double JD's and coke. The cost? £18. As I mentioned earlier on Chris is a big spender and doesn't think much on blowing money away but he bought us 3 rounds of drinks in here and was barely getting change from a score each time. After this he started buying exotically made cocktails that were also of silly prices, but fucking orgasmic nonetheless. One was actually called screaming orgasm, a lovely milkshake style drink made up of baileys. Then we had some fruitier cocktail that required a flaming orange.
But this place will forever become notorious for being the birth of meeting the third complete nutter of the evening.
It was some bloke who came storming into the bar on his motorized wheelchair. Some big fat bald bloke wearing a pikey ecko tracksuit that called himself "Prince Tommy". "Do you know who I am?" he asked Chris. No, why the fuck would he? Then he started rambling on about how he's a local celebrity and that Chris should hand him over money because he's disabled. He then started getting quite aggressive and the bar staff had to escort the eccentric nutter out of the place. It was one of the most funniest and surreal things I have ever seen. Just looking at the photos we took of him cracks me up.......
That's the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life and if I manage to ever top that I will die happy.
We did stay here just until closing time after midnight but not without more drama. Chris began chatting
It did. By Chris punching a nearby shop window in frustration, almost cracking it, before both sides scurried off into the sunset.
Well actually, we scurried back off to the other side of the town to his flat after he unsuccessfully convinced me to get a cab into Soho and drink there. A typical fat person's problem, chaffing, put and end to my evening.
Not quite actually because we did stay up for several hours in his flat with him feeding me more rancid spirits like malibu and some revolting Slovakian drink called 'fernet', which almost had me gagging in his toilet. And of course I beat him several times at FIFA 12 on his huge HD TV but that sort of goes without saying.
Overall it was a really funny day and evening both at and away from football. You can't beat away days and I have Chris to thank for making this one much more memorable than it otherwise would be.
Onto Hornchurch away tomorrow then, one that I am strangely looking forward to even though I know I'll be complaining how bad it is afterwards. Fingers crossed we register our first three points of the season which is pretty important after our failure to in the first few games. COYW
| Tuesday 21 Aug 2012 | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| AFC Hornchurch | 1 | - | 1 | Boreham Wood | |
 Smith (37) |
O'Loughlin (58) |
 270 |
|||
| Bath City | 3 | - | 1 | Maidenhead Utd | |
| Guthrie (37) Guthrie (03) Guthrie (79) |
Brown (74) |
587 |
|||
| Eastbourne Borough | 3 | - | 0 | Bromley | |
 Walker (41) Ademeno (46) Shephard (50) |
655 |
||||
| Eastleigh | 1 | - | 1 | Basingstoke | |
| McAllister (31) |
Warner (74) |
608 |
|||
| Farnborough | 2 | - | 1 | Weston-S-Mare | |
| Ciardini (61) Ciardini (86) |
Stearn (91) |
352 |
|||
| Hayes & Yeading | 4 | - | 2 | Billericay | |
Oyenuga (29) Oyenuga (41) Joseph (60) Cox (73) Anderson (84) |
Poole (51) Poole (74) |
267 |
|||
| Staines Town | 2 | - | 1 | Dorchester | |
| Garrod (16) Wheeler (23) |
Clough (60) |
252 |
|||
| Sutton Utd | 2 | - | 2 | Dover | |
| Kavanagh (32) Rents (68) |
Bricknell (47) Huke (84) |
565 |
|||
| Tonbridge Angels | 1 | - | 2 | Salisbury | |
| Collin (35) |
White (71) White (75) |
520 |
|||
| Truro City | 3 | - | 3 | Havant and W | |
| Watkins (19) Watkins (51) Ash (70) |
Palmer (64) Nanetti (72) Palmer (91) |
390 | |||
Blue Sq South Table - August 22 2012
| Pos | Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  |
Salisbury City | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
| 2 | |
Boreham Wood | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 4 |
| 3 | |
Hayes & Yeading | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 4 |
| 4 |  |
Bath City | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 4 |
| 5 | |
Farnborough | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 4 |
| 6 |  |
Welling United | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 4 |
| 7 | |
Basingstoke Town | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 4 |
| 8 | |
Staines Town | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 4 |
| 9 | |
Eastbourne Borough | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 3 |
| 10 | |
Maidenhead United | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 3 |
| 11 | |
Dorchester | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 3 |
| 12 | |
Billericay Town | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 5 | -1 | 3 |
| 13 | |
Dover | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 |
| 14 | |
Havant and Waterlooville | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 |
| 15 | |
Truro City | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 5 | -1 | 1 |
| 16 | |
Chelmsford | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 1 |
| 17 | |
Sutton United | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 1 |
| 18 | |
Hornchurch | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 1 |
| 19 | |
Weston-S-Mare | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 1 |
| 20 | |
Eastleigh | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4 | -3 | 1 |
| 21 | |
Bromley | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 | -3 | 1 |
| 22 | |
Tonbridge Angels | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 5 | -3 | 0 |
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