Anyway, enough about that. Lets talk about football. We finally fucking won! (Ok, it was only less than 3 weeks ago that we thumped Thurrock 4-0, but it seems like a fucking long time ago in my fickle world!). Not only did we comfortably beat one of the fancied teams away from home, but it was a fucking brilliant away day overall, the best since the end of last season. So being the kind, warm generous chap that I am I'm going to take you through it.
I set my alarm for 8:25AM the evening before and had an early night on the Friday as all funds I had remaining I conserved for the Chelmsford game. And what with my terrible sleeping pattearn, I ended up waking up over an hour before on the only day of the week I am able to have a lie-in. Balls. Never mind, my dear mother was also up early and cooked me a fucking awesome sausage and egg sandwich. The sausages were straight from the butchers and the only time I enjoy fried eggs is when my mum makes them. So that, several coffees and a couple of cigerettes set me up the day as I caught the 10:04 train from Herne Bay to Stratford, via a change at Faversham. I spent most of the train journey eager to meet the others, but a couple of cans of tuborg and playing Pokemon Emerald (yeah - thats how I roll) helped the duration go a little bit quicker.
Upon arrival at Stratford International I was welcomed with a big hug from Uncle John, who has the first one there having travelled from Milton Keynes. We smoked a cigerette outside as we discussed life, then he murmered something about smashing someones back doors in. Excellent. I then popped inside the station to see why the others had not surfaced yet - cue horror to find that their train was delayed. We waited a few minutes and the time just kept ticking up and up and up before we had to come to the heartbreaking decision of getting the shuttle bus over to the other Stratford station without them because we had no idea how long they would be
After a 25 minute train journey we had arrived in deepest darkest, dirty Essex, at around the half 12 mark. Its amazing how much quicker and efficient trains are once you get out of the Southeastern area. We immedietly went into the first pub which was luckily just accross the road from the station. Unlike a lot of other people, I never remember the names of the pubs that we go in but it was more than a decent enough pub which served food at reasonable prices and had a decent selection of ales if you're into that kind of thing. John bought me a Kronenbourg as I stuck to my trusty weak as piss lagers.
The rest of the clan from Dover appeared only about 20 minutes after us. It turns out they had narrowly missed out shuttle bus at Stratford by about 30 seconds after somebody at died on their train at Ebbsfleet and they had to change trains. Thats how I think the story went anyway. Obviously I was chuffed to bits to see everyone as they were to see me. Quiz machine time!! I put in £1 and made an incredible 100% profit, such is my incredible footballing knowledge on the match of the day game, even with the hinderence of Jared who kept on offering incorrect answers.
The next pub we went to was I do actually know the name of. It is called the Plough, and was owned by a Dover fan when we went there last season. Said Dover fan was on the train with us, although I was too pissed to remember his name or his wife who was with him. Said Dover fan moved to take over the Buttermarket in Canterbury within the last 6 or so months. Said Dover fan left behind a very nice pub though - as well it being a real-ale heaven it also had a fine selection of beers on tap including Peroni and Staropranen. Being a skint cheapskate bastard though I just stuck to the miserable fosters. It also had a nice beer garden, which was welcoming given the lovely weather outside. So we had a quick couple in here before deciding to move onto one more pub before going to the ground. On away days I always find the time passing too rapidly for my liking, even if going to various pubs is always expensive. This was even with our game kicking off at 3:30PM due to this poxy " non-league day" experiment.
Wow, come to think of it I think I know the name of the final pub we went into. It was called the White Hart if I'm not wrong. Very original. Another decent pub and the first one that had a pool table in it, which is largely irrelevent to me as I hardly ever play pool. We spent most of the time in there discussing my new Top 100 Dover players thread that is on the forum. Phil seems gutted over some of the names that he had to miss off of his list, while our former keeper Kev Readings asked me about 57 times if he had made the list yet. No Kevin, you didn't and I doubt you will ever will. I still remember that penalty that he gave away against Salisbury after 30 seconds. Kev is a nice bloke but once he's had a few beers he can be a massive pain in the arse! Speaking of that thread, if any of you reading still have not sent me your top 10 Dover players than can you please do so? Please, please, please.
Anyway, we consumed a quick few pints in there (even Russell was drinking at a half-reasonable pace for once and was finishing his beers) before the landlord reccomended we go to the taxi rank near the station where there would be loads of taxis available outside.
So we got to the taxi rank at about 10 to 3 with absolutely no taxis waiting in the wings for us! There were other people waiting cabs too so we hate to wait another 10 minutes before a couple of big taxis arrived. We all scrambled to get in as quickly as possible then spent the taxi journey trying to overtake each other to the ground. They steamed ahead and got in the CCFC carpark first but we got out of the car first so technically we won that race. Woohoo! Unfortunately we were greeted by massive queues to get in because the silly inept twats decided it would be a good idea to only have two turnstiles open, one of them being for people who wanted to fit in the stands. Idiots. Still, I can't complain about for an under 16's price to get in again. I can't believe I keep getting away with it when I resemble something close to a beached whale these days!
Once in the ground I stupidly headed to the bar for another quick beer even with it so close to kick-off. So I did that and consequently finished it within a couple of minute to watch the game, only to find out that kick-off had been delayed due to the congestion outside the gates! TINPOT! There was only just over a thousand in the ground FFS! After speaking with a few Dover fans outside the ground I realised that I was in the Match Programme so wandered off to buy one. And there I was, Page 27! It wasn't actually as exciting as I thought it would be but its an ambition fulfilled nonetheless.
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| Apologies for the poor quality of my photos |
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| I am such a fame whore <3 |
I never buy programmes but I must say the layout, presentation and content was very good in Chelmsfords, much better than ours, and I say honestly even without my own page inside it.
Right now, onto the football (well, what I can remember of it, my memory isn't too good!). Only two changes this time from Martin Hayes; a now fit Bricknell came into replace Walker while Cogan was thankfully dropped out of the squad in favour of Sam Cutler who took his place. And keeping a more settled side worked out well for us.
I was just finishing setting up my Forza Dubris flag up near the corner when Harry Baker got put through. I could just about see the ball slowly trickle over the line up so I duly ran over to the celebrate with everyone! Its a goal I could really do with watching over again, and luckily Chelmsford provide highlights which should be up on the interweb soon. Our very early lead and sheer joy would only last a couple of minute though as Shane Huke clearly brought down a Chelmsford player inside the box. Up stepped former DAFC target Dave Rainford to put away the spotkick and I think Ruiz almost came close to foiling him. Again, I need to see the replay! So we came crashing down to earth again in just a couple of minutes.
Not that the sense of Deja Vu would last too long. 5 minutes later George Purcell chased down a long ball from the back, outmuscled a defender before superbly dinking the ball over the head of the unrushing goalkeeper. The defending from Chelmsford was certainly poor but credit to Georgous George for such an excellent finish. Cue wild celebrations behind the goal. Now going by my hazy memory and comments from the forum, we had chances to extend our lead in the first half but were prevented another goal through good goalkeeper and being wasteful, and we defended well enough at the other end to keep Chelmsfords chances to a minimum but I'm positive they went close a couple of times.
So we led 2-1 at the break and typically I wandered off to the bar, to be met by a massive queue. One thing I was greatful for was the queueing system, which unlike the Centre spot, prevents arseholes from pushing in before you. All because they have a rope going accross there bar. After eventually getting served I spoke to Neil and Kev Readings, who were so pissed that they'd been sat in the bar the entire half. Deary me!
Melbourne Park is a fucking terrible place to watch footballs. Its no wonder why their crowds are dipping at an alarming rate as athletic tracks really do not make good football venues. Even with their new terrace behind one of the goals its still a souless shithole. What I hate aswell is the no smoking policy - you can smoke outside the bars but not on the open terrace. Its bloody annoying and its non-league football for christ sake. I suppose this depends on your stance on smoking.
My memory of our third goal is also disjointed. Super Billy Bricknell tapped in from a yard out after a goaline scramble but that is pretty much all I can remember, and then rushing down to the goalnet to try and celebrate with the players. 3-1, 63 minutes gone and flying. The game looked like it was petering out slowly until the biased referee awarded Chelmsford another penalty into injury time. David Rainford stood up once again.... and Ruiz dived the right way to save the spot-kick!! Get in. Venzuelas number one! Ven-ooo-sway-lars number one! He is literally amazing. Immedietly after thought it looked as if the referee had given a re-take for them for encroachment or some other bullshit but then awarded a corner instead. From that corner, Chelmsford salvaged a consolation, cue panic at the time, but we held on to impressively beat an admittedly under-par Chelmo for first time in ten attempts, cue delightedness all around. Ruiz then cemented his cult-hero status by rushing over to the players, huddling them in for his own team-talk and then leading them over to us supporters. Legend!
Numerically wise I felt our support was pretty dissapointing. Usually we normally bring at least 300 to MP but it was probably around half that mark this time. That said, Melbourne Park is a terrible venue to watch football and one that I can't see many people getting their pulses racing for. It was also difficult to create an atmosphere in those circumstances, even with us winning impressively. But the Lincoln City fans who popped along to our game said they were very impressed with our support on both aspects, so maybe I being too critical in that respect.
After the game we went into the bar, naturally, and started singing about how great we are. Most of us could'nt string together a coherent sentance by this point, but we were jubilant. After having one beer we booked taxis to the plough for some more fun and games. Outside, I told Billy Bricknell that he is amazing and that I love him as he scurried onto the team coach. He smiled, but deep down I knew he was thinking "Christ, we've got some strange wankers".
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| Drunken messes, Can't take us anywhere |
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| John Pring, Said blokes wife, Some bloke called Mark, Said Bloke (Left to Right) |
Also classy was the ale-obsessed bloke called Mark who was with us. Once we had got up to the platform he decided to chat up two young jailbait who barely looked the legal age. I'm sure they would have been impressed with a 50+ year old man with his jeans up like Simon Cowell. One thing I love about everyone being drunk is that unnacceptable behaviour somehow becomes half acceptable. All the blokes, whether they be single, taken or married all start talking about wanting to smash the back doors in of half attractive girls nearby us. While this sort of thing would be condemned if we were sober, it sort of becomes funny. So apologies to any of the public if we're a nuisance on the way home, but overall I'd say we are a friendly bunch of drunks.
I was unsuccesful in convincing any of the others to come home via Faversham where the hope festival was on. Even though I had no money and was too drunk for it I thought it would be a good idea. But it wasn't, so my day ended at Ebbsfleet International where I had to part my ways and head home alone. But a very good day it was, I loved it.
So this Saturday sees us take on Basingstoke in a run of the mill home game. We'd obviously hope/expect to pick up 3 points here but they seem to be much improved this season and have had some decent results, including ending Dartford's unbeaten run on Saturday. So it won't be as easy conclusion as some may expect and we'll need to be on our best.
Oh and I finally get paid on Friday, thank fuck, so that will be the end of any whinges on this blog. Thanks for reading, and see you next time.
| Saturday 03 Sep 2011 | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chelmsford | 2 | - | 3 | Dover | |
 Rainford (08) Clark (91) | Purcell (13) Baker (02) Bricknell (71) |  1,031 | |||
| Basingstoke | 3 | - | 2 | Dartford | |
| Little (35) McAuley (54) Sam-Yorke (06) |  Sheringham (17) Wallis (33) | 493 | |||
| Eastbourne Borough | 2 | - | 1 | Havant and W | |
| Brinkhurst (49) Brinkhurst (60) | Igoe (55) | 668 | |||
| Eastleigh | 0 | - | 2 | Bromley | |
| Harding (52) Waldren (69) | 568 | ||||
| Salisbury | 4 | - | 2 | Hampton & Richmond | |
| Reid (48) Giles (56) Giles (73) Wright (91) | Noone (02) Ruby (70) | 803 | |||
| Staines Town | 2 | - | 3 | Thurrock | |
| Newton (39) Everitt (91) | Cracknell (29) Cracknell (49) Poole (91) | 276 | |||
| Sutton Utd | 3 | - | 1 | Dorchester | |
| Bray (37) Watkins (62) Watkins (86) | Critchell (33) | 645 | |||
| Tonbridge Angels | 1 | - | 5 | Farnborough | |
| Olorunda (20) | Murphy (16) Garrod (46) Garrod (59) Woodyard (06) Garrod (84) | 612 | |||
| Truro City | 1 | - | 2 | Maidenhead Utd | |
| Hayles (66) | Powell (48) Thomas (88) | 576 | |||
| Welling | 3 | - | 2 | Woking | |
| Martin (14) Parkinson (29) Parkinson (72) | Cowen-Hall (19) Sole (77) | 1,214 | |||
| Weston-S-Mare | 4 | - | 1 | Boreham Wood | |
| Young (19) Cleverly (72) Price (91) Grubb (91) | Bryant (91) | 341 | |||
| 1 |  | Welling United | 7 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 20 | 8 | 12 | 19 |
| 2 | | Woking | 7 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 16 | 7 | 9 | 14 |
| 3 |  | Dartford | 7 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 15 | 8 | 7 | 14 |
| 4 | | Salisbury City | 7 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 12 | 8 | 4 | 13 |
| 5 | | Maidenhead United | 7 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 11 | 10 | 1 | 13 |
| 6 | | Sutton United | 7 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 10 | 11 | -1 | 13 |
| 7 | | Dover | 7 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 13 | 5 | 8 | 12 |
| 8 | | Weston-S-Mare | 7 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 14 | 12 | 2 | 12 |
| 9 | | Bromley | 7 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 12 | 10 | 2 | 12 |
| 10 | | Basingstoke Town | 7 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 13 | 9 | 4 | 11 |
| 11 | | Eastbourne Borough | 7 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 13 | 10 | 3 | 10 |
| 12 | | Farnborough | 7 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 11 | 12 | -1 | 9 |
| 13 | | Truro City | 7 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 10 | -3 | 9 |
| 14 | | Chelmsford | 6 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 10 | 9 | 1 | 8 |
| 15 | | Tonbridge Angels | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 15 | 18 | -3 | 7 |
| 16 | | Eastleigh | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 6 | 12 | -6 | 7 |
| 17 | | Havant and Waterlooville | 7 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 11 | 15 | -4 | 6 |
| 18 | | Dorchester | 6 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 13 | -6 | 6 |
| 19 | | Staines Town | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 6 | 8 | -2 | 5 |
| 20 | | Boreham Wood | 7 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 13 | -8 | 5 |
| 21 | | Thurrock | 7 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 6 | 20 | -14 | 4 |
| 22 | | Hampton & Richmond | 6 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 8 | 13 | -5 | 2 |
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